My Big Night Page #5

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- Who's Alicia?

- Don't act stupid.

I know you sing my songs

at karaokes at night.

- They're the only ones I know.

- You want to be Enrique Iglesias.

Climb and climb

until you finish off your dad.

Adoptive dad.

I wanted to talk to you

about just that.

I've been hiding something

from you all these years.

And don't look at me that way.

It bothers me.

Follow me on Twitter, okay?

- Yes.

A little lower.

There.

That's it, honey.

- How did it look?

- Great.

- One take. F***ing great.

- Thanks, kid.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm outta here.

- Was I that bad?

- What did I tell you?

They caught you,

and this time it's bad.

I warned you, but you never listen

because you're a misunderstood star!

I was onstage! What happened?

The slut that blew you

as I was telling you to control yourself

now has your semen.

You hear me?

Your semen! In a vial!

What for?

To make soup, maybe?

She's gonna blackmail us!

Kids, custody, judges...

the whole shebang!

I'm not taking it anymore,

not for 10%!

Perotti is outta here.

Are we gonna have a baby?

No. We're not having a baby.

We're gonna find that b*tch,

and when I get my hands on her,

I'll squeeze the last drop

of what she took out of her.

You have world-class breasts.

What are you doing later?

- Adanne!

- Sorry.

- Sorry, little guy.

- Don't touch me.

Princesses, princes, I love you.

I love you, people.

The night is young.

Cheer up!

I remember that night

as if it were today.

It was New Year's Eve, 1974,

40 years ago.

- How do I look?

- Great, a bit tight here.

The greats were there:

Esteso, Frmula V,

Tom Jones, and me, of course.

Tom Jones and I knew each other.

We were good friends.

The song was nothing special,

but we had fun together...

The dcor was mediocre,

old, pass...

but full of charm.

Fans chased us everywhere.

We couldn't get rid of them!

And that's how you were born.

What?

Your mother was a dancer

in the Zoom Ballet.

Wasn't I adopted?

That was for the press.

Here name was Gwendolyne

and she was from Badajoz.

I'll look her up on Youtube.

She's on it for sure.

Gwendolyne.

Very nice.

So the tale of the Russian kid

saved by the Spanish singer

on one of his tours...

It's kind of a lie.

It's kind of a lie.

Then why call me Yuri?

It sounded good in the press.

40 years calling me Yuri,

and it's all a fraud.

You're a broken toy, Yuri.

Live with it.

I am.

When Gwendolyne was pregnant,

she had cravings.

Some women crave strawberries,

others chocolate.

Your mother liked smack,

or LSD.

I told her it was bad to mix.

But she didn't listen.

One day I came home

and you were gone.

We searched for you everywhere,

then found you in the oven,

surrounded by onions.

We had you to get away from her.

Well, we've come a long way.

My mother was a 70s airhead,

and I learned Russian for nothing.

I note a certain rage in you, Yuri.

Or whatever

you want your name to be.

I'll stick to Yuri for now.

I'm used to it.

- One question.

- Go ahead.

Why tell me this tonight?

You have to know before...

Before what?

Before it's too late.

No one is to disturb me

until the recording.

Don't f*** around, Adanne.

She's gotta be there.

- I can't remember what she looks like.

- You don't remember?!

I don't remember her face!

She backed into the dressing room,

I kissed her,

she kneeled down, then...

Oh my God!

Didn't you want to move

so the kids got their own rooms?

There you go!

Calm down, Mara,

you've got fire insurance.

The problem is Mom.

I'm trapped,

I can't leave the set!

They fired 500 workers

and people are furious.

I'm not making it up!

I'll send you the number

of the police. Talk to them.

I shouldn't be here!

I've got an economics degree!

I should be ripping people off

instead of sucking up

to a dork like you!

Don't you remember anything?

Her clothes?

Was she blonde, brunette?

She had her tongue pierced.

Her tongue pierced?

F***ing son of a b*tch...

If we split now, we won't get paid!

I'm not sticking around

for 50 shitty euros.

50 euros is good money!!

My father was fired from Walmart.

People only buy

packaged fish these days.

That's why we have to go now!

- What if it goes bad?

- Bad? Why?

- I don't know, like sour milk.

- That's gross!

What did they say?

No way! They can't bring her here,

I'm working!

Mara!

Now there's no signal!

I'm sorry, Paloma.

They keep calling about my mom.

- How is she?

- She's okay.

Insane, bad circulation

and a broken hip, but she's okay.

My sister's got it worse.

She had a panic attack

as she was boarding.

Why?

Her home just burnt down.

Naturally.

What do we do?

- Are you sure?

- Don't chicken out.

We're getting out.

What could happen?

OMG!

And the plane's grounded.

Some bomb threat...

She can't go get my mother.

I was wondering...

That diver boyfriend of yours...

What happened to him?

I haven't seen him for years.

Thank God,

I thought something horrible

happened to him.

Why would it?

No, I mean...

You were diving together,

you got bitten by that fish,

so, maybe he...

He was fine.

Great.

Until the mayonnaise incident.

What?

Girl, girl!

What are you doing here?

Get inside!

Salmonellosis.

3 weeks in hospital.

I was by his side the whole time.

Can you believe it?

There, there, it's not so bad.

I don't want to celebrate

New Year's Eve in October!

It's freaking me out.

I want to go.

I'll fix this with a gin and tonic,

with ice and lemon.

- You've got ice and lemon?

- I've got it all, beautiful.

Red Bull and Coke for me.

Coming right up!

We're gonna have a ball.

I love it that you ask me

about my life.

That means you like me, right?

Absolutely.

It's like you see inside me...

- You can see my...

- Scars.

Yes.

We've only just met,

but I think I'm falling for you

like a big fool.

I want some laughs!

I want happiness!

Happiness!

You f***ers!

I want to see you happy, f*** you!

Smile!

Life is beautiful!

Happiness!

Can't you smile a bit more?

Do that conga!

Is this a movie?

No, Bentez,

it's going on now, outside.

- We have to stop recording.

- Hell no. I'd rather slit my wrists.

What if this mob reaches the set?

- That's what the cops are for.

- You've got no idea.

And you do?

It's easy barking orders

from inside this van,

safe and sound,

with your smokes,

your opinions

and your paycheck every month!

I'm not in the list, am I?

What?

You're not making me

slave away in here for months,

just to kick me out?

That's not my decision.

There's a committee...

So you are firing me.

Didn't you want to

get into movies?

Motherf***er!

What's happening?

Jesus Christ!

F***! Rosa!

You're gonna die, you dick!

No master, no boss.

Sack Bentez!

Tell that stupid girl to stop it!

Are you talking to me?

Rosa, please!

I'm having a smoke, look.

What is this?

- TV station, lady.

- My son works for the TV?

I knew they'd see

his talent one day!

If I get out, you're running!

These FX!

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