My Blue Heaven

---

MAN:
Does your husband

know anything about this?

- Hm? What did you say?

MAN:
Your husband.

Did he have any idea

you were coming here today?

No, I don't think so.

Now, this is calcium

and a few other things.

You'll find the directions

on the label.

Now, just go on leading

a perfectly normal life.

Eat whatever you like, take plenty

of exercise and get lots of sleep.

- When do you think it'll be, doctor?

- Oh, about Christmas, I'd say.

- Christmas.

- Unless you're from the South...

...where women take their time.

Hadn't you better hurry?

It's almost time for your broadcast.

You mean exactly Christmas?

Well, not necessarily Christmas day.

Say a week or 1 O days either way.

- A first baby is...

- Broadcast!

- My goodness, what time is it?

- It's 28 after 4.

- It can't be.

- Oh, let me help you.

We're on the air in 30 minutes.

Jack will kill me.

Well, in that case, just don't bother

to have that prescription filled.

I'll see if I can get a cab for you.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Operator? Operator?

Are you ringing that number?

- Did you find her?

- There's no answer in her apartment.

Maybe she went to the Ritz.

I'll get the number.

Why get so excited?

Suppose she does miss a broadcast.

Is Russia marching?

Will Soth Pacfc play?

Stop being profound

and get Jack aspirin.

He's going crazy.

Oh, never mind, here she is now.

Kitty, where have you been?

- Jack's going crazy in there.

- Hi, Walter.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

For heaven's sakes, Kitty.

Do you realize what time it is?

- I'm sorry.

- The next time I marry...

...a knuckle-headed dame.

I'm gonna get a divorce.

- Get my lawyer.

- I'm all out of breath.

- What kept you?

- I had to go up on Fifth Avenue.

[JACK MUTTERING]

Shh! We're on the air.

From coast to coast,

the Cosmo Cosmetcs Program...

...starring Kitty and Jack Moran.

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING

AND AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

- What'd you do that for?

- I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

last week Kitty and Jack promised...

...never to be argumentative

or jealous again.

For a week

they've lived up to their agreement.

We now take you to

the Starlight Roof at the Waldorf...

...where we find them dancing

cheek to cheek.

Do you know why

I wanted to come here tonight?

No, sweetheart, why?

Because this is where

we first fell in love.

But we didn't fall in love

here on the Starlight Roof.

- You have your roofs mixed.

- Now, don't try to tell me...

...where we fell in love.

I had to pay the check.

But you told me you couldn't

afford the Starlight Roof in those days.

You sure you haven't got me mixed up

with Bessy Whatever-Her-Name-Is?

Now, for heaven's sakes,

don't start that again.

Then don't tell me

where we fell in love.

Okay, okay.

Then you tell me.

- In a doctor's office.

- In a doc...

I... When were we ever

at a doctor's office?

Oh, about Christmastime.

JACK:
That champagne I bought you

must have gone to your head.

- What will we be doing at the doctor's?

- Getting some calcium.

Would you change scripts,

because there's nothing about calcium.

We should be in the Starlight Roof

dancing. Cheek to cheek.

Nothing about calcium,

doctor's office or Christma...

Kitty. No.

That's what I've been trying

to tell you.

Oh, baby.

I don't remember writing

anything like that.

- You didn't.

- I didn't?

Somebody's gone nuts.

She's just told him

and 23 million bug-eyed listeners...

- ... she's gonna have a baby, that's all.

- A baby?

Mm-hm. What else would the idiot

be carrying on like an idiot about?

Well, if you ask me,

it's a nice day for it.

Begin the song.

The song. "Deductible. "

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING]

CHORUS [SINGING]:

The bggest complant wherever we go

Is taxes. taxes. taxes

The queston s where do we get

The dough for taxes. taxes. taxes

[SINGING]

Income taxes

People are runnng from store to store

From Macy's up to Saks'

Mobody wants to work any more

Because of ncome taxes

Income taxes

Ths s the knd of thnkng

That could be easly be destructble

Haven't they learned

The more they make

The more there s deductble?

- Deductble

- Deductble

- Deductble

- Deductble

It's deductble

It's deductble

A man can make a phone call

From Jersey to the Coast

It used to be expensve

But today you'll hear hm boast

It's deductble

It's deductble

You gve a pompous party

Pretentous wth your booze

They break up all your furnture

Well. what've you got to lose?

Crazy world

Crazy tmes

Love that world

What's the dfference

If nothng rhymes?

It's uproarous

But t's glorous

If you're the boss

Then you can toss t off

As loss or gan

CHORUS:

Why complan?

[MOUTHING]

Deductble

[SINGING]

We're all nterested n redemptons

How do you get

Your maxmum exemptons?

"The dependent must be

one of the followng:

Grandson. granddaughter.

great-grandson. great-granddaughter

Father. mother. sster. brother

Half sster. half brother

Grandfather. grandmother

Nephew. nece. uncle. aunt

Father-n-law. mother-n-law

Daughter-n-law. brother-n-law

Stepson. stepdaughter. stepfather

Stepmother. stepbrother. stepsster"

I'm tellng you. mster

- They're deductble

- Deductble

- They're deductble

- Deductble

A Texan drlls an ol well

The ol well don't produce

The Texan doesn't worry

'Cause he's got a good excuse

- It's deductble

- Deductble

- It's deductble

- Deductble

Producer gets an angel

Producer gets a flop

The angel doesn't worry

'Cause the flop comes off the top

Crazy world

Crazy tmes

Love that world

What's the dfference

If nothng rhymes

Hey. t's rratonal

But t's natonal

If you decde to take that rde

- And be a brde and groom

- Added room

Deductble

Includng offsprng

- Elzabeth Ann and Betty Lou

- Olver Dan. Penelope Sue

Jmmy. Johnny. Dasy. Harry

Randy. Ronny. Maze. Mary

Have all you want

- They're deductble

- They're deductble

ANNOUNCER:

The perfect beauty cream...

MAN:
Gee, Jack, that's wonderful.

JACK:
Thanks.

- Say, Jack, that's swell.

- Thank you.

WALTER:

Hey, wait a minute, you two.

- When's the party?

- What party?

You don't have kids

without a clambake.

- Dancing girls...

- Be quiet. You just need an excuse.

It's wonderful.

I'm tickled to death.

Thanks, Janet. I'm excited myself.

Welcome, brother.

I knew you could do it.

It's nothing. Like rolling off a log.

All you gotta do now is learn to knit.

- Congratulations.

- Thanks, Bill.

- Thanks. Good night.

- Wonderful. Good night.

- Well, goodbye.

- Jack...

Can't you see they have

to talk? Leave them.

Don't kid me. If what she said is on

the level, they've already been alone.

Are you really pleased?

After all the time and effort

I put into this project?

How do you think Mr. Milton's

gonna take it?

He'll be jealous, as usual.

He'll wonder

why we didn't consult him.

He'll have to know sooner or later.

Yeah, there's no way out.

Let's break it to him together.

- Hello, Mr. Milton.

JACK:
Hi, Milt.

Hello, sweetheart,

how's my boy?

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