My Blue Heaven Page #2

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- How's my boy?

- How do you think...

...we ought to break it to him?

With the birds and bees?

No, no, straight from the shoulder,

man to man.

Milt.

How would you like

a nice baby brother, all human?

- Or maybe a little sister?

- Oh, heaven forbid.

Somebody to play with

while we work?

Somebody you can teach to stand

on his hind legs, chase balls...

...chew up a few pairs of argyle socks

or a cashmere sweater or two.

KITTY:

Oh, I was afraid of that.

- Come here, baby.

- Come on, Milt.

[JACK WHISTLES]

- Mr. Milty.

- Milty.

Well, he'll just gonna

have to get used to it.

Come on, let's go eat.

I've got the strangest craving for food.

Not for something exotic

like a great big dill pickle?

Yeah, come to think of it,

something like a dill pickle.

Oh, really.

KITTY [SINGING]:

Just you and )ust me

And baby makes three

[PIANO PLAYING]

Quiet, everyone.

Quiet. Quiet, please.

Will you sit down, ladies?

- What are you gonna do?

- You'll find out. Quiet, please.

[PIANO STOPS]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have with us

tonight a man, a very modest man.

While the world blasts its head off

about its scientific miracles...

...here sits a man...

...a man who has just performed

the greatest miracle in the world.

ALL:

Hear, hear!

[PIANO PLAYING]

Take a look at him, ladies.

Take a very good look.

He's a study by Whistler.

And I'll bet he can cook.

[GUESTS LAUGHING]

[SINGING]

What a man. what a man

About to gve the world hs best

What a man

What a man

From now on there'll be no rest

He expects to carry on

The famly name

Put a lttle genus

In the Hall of Fame

It was hard to make hm confess

That ths mracle occurred

Under stress

Now hs frends are gong wld

He's about to be a father wth chld

What a man. what a man

What a man

What a wonderful. wonderful man

What a man

[GUESTS LAUGHING

AND APPLAUDING]

- It's late.

- The evening's just begun.

- It's getting late. Good night, Walter.

- I don't wanna go home yet.

- This is no time to go.

- That's a good boy. Come on.

Hey, what is this?

Say, Janet, what's the idea...

...of everybody wanting to go home?

It's after 2:
00, dear. It sounds strange,

but some people like to go to bed.

What for? I'm having fun.

You just sit down and wait.

- Stay right there. Now, don't go away.

- Let me help you.

- Walter's wonderful.

- Except when he's having a party.

It was such fun.

When will we see you?

Come up to the country.

Now that we got the farm,

I can't get Walter out.

The children are worse.

Come on, gang, you can't leave yet.

We gotta do another chorus, anyway.

Hey, fellas, look. This way.

[MEN IMITATING BAGPIPES]

[PIANO PLAYING]

WALTER [IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]:

What a man. what a man

- He can hold hs head up hgh

- Jack, Walter.

What a man. what a man

See hm comng through the rye

From the rockbound coast of Mane

- To Kokomo

- Kokomo

They're applaudng ths here

Gant of a schmo

Now the pper's got to be pad

Every day there'll be

A few changes made

Better save those safety pns

It could be a set of trplets or twns

What a man. what a man

What a man

What a wonderful. wonderful man

This can go on all night.

I've had my hat and cape on

for half an hour.

My husband never knows when to go.

I really could brain Walter.

[ALL IMITATING BAGPIPES]

It's the greatest feat

Snce the Plgrms landed

[IN NORMAL VOICE]

But you ddn't do t sngle-handed

May your troubles all be

Lttle ones to share

Gve them tme. gve them room

Gve them ar

What a man

What a woman

What a par

Be gentle with me,

I've just become a father of triplets.

Jack, it's 3:
OO in the morning.

You can't tell

when these things will happen.

I never knew it was gonna be

so much fun having babies.

I like this one the best.

You know why?

- Why?

- It looks like me.

Besides, I think it's a girl.

May I have the keys, please?

- The keys?

- I'm driving.

Are you insinuating

that I can't drive?

Oh, of course not, dear.

It's just that your hands are full.

- I'll put the children in the back.

- There you go.

- Yeah.

- Put this with them.

- Well, thank you.

- All right, now, the keys, please.

The doctor said it's bad for me

not to have my own way.

All right. It's always been

bad for you not to have your own way...

...so what's smart about him?

- Get in.

JACK:
Top of the morning.

- The rest of the day to you, sir.

JACK:
Thank you.

- Wasn't planning on driving, now?

JACK:
No, I'm not allowed to drive.

I'm gonna become a father.

KITTY:

We're being careful with him, officer.

- Good night.

- Good night.

JACK:

Good night.

[HORNS HONKING

AND TIRES SCREECHING]

I don't know how we got here,

but we're over the Hudson River.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

OFFICER:
What happened?

- Get me an ambulance, quick.

OFFICER:
All right, stand aside.

Out of the way, please.

Lady's slipper, Cyprpedm.

They're very rare, very beautiful.

I grow them myself in my own backyard

over in Beekman Place, by the river.

They help to keep your mind

off a lot of things.

There's nothing like a hobby.

I used to read a great deal...

...but somehow the state of modern

literature and the modern world...

Oh, a few old friends like Dickens,

they still amuse me. But the...

- Does Jack know?

- That you lost your baby?

That I can never have another one.

That in all probability

you can never have another one.

I'm not God.

I haven't the last word

in these matters.

He wanted a baby so badly.

A son.

I felt so good,

so right these last few months.

It wasn't just an idea anymore.

Even if it wasn't born, it was a baby.

Your husband's outside.

He's been pretty worried about you.

Shall I go along

and tell him that you're all right?

You are all right, aren't you?

- Yes. Yes, I'm all right.

- That's the way to talk.

Now, if you can just manage

a little smile.

Good. I'll drop in and see you later

in the afternoon.

Oh, I'll take one of these,

if you don't mind.

JACK:

May I come in?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, you got a lot of new ones.

Maybe I ought to open up a flower shop.

- Aren't they beautiful?

- Yeah.

I told the nurse to put some of them

in the chapel. There's so many of them.

- How's it going?

- Fine.

That's what the doctor said.

You ought to be out of here

in three or four days.

I've been thinking. Maybe we ought to

take a little trip, you and I.

Get on a boat, go somewhere,

have a little fun.

- Unless, of course...

- Unless what?

It's nothing. I probably shouldn't

bring it up now, but I saw Mr. Carroll...

- Our sponsor?

- Yeah.

A funny thing,

that's all he ever was to me.

Just a sponsor.

It never occurred to me

he was a human being.

He's been over here twice

to see how you are.

I know. He sent

some lovely flowers. Those.

Pretty. You know he's got a wife

and a couple of sons?

- Oh, really?

- He said he had a program for us.

I didn't go into it because

I didn't know how you'd feel.

- It's television.

- Television.

- Say, this isn't tiring you, is it?

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