My Dead Boyfriend Page #3

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No, I don't. I swear.

I've always been like a...

a numbers guy.

Pretty boring.

I don't think you're boring.

Oh, I gotta go.

Uh, I have an early morning.

Mwah.

See ya.

She is such a drama queen.

And she looks at me

like I'm supposed

to feel sorry for her.

That's when I said to her,

"Annie, I don't know

what you're doing.

You've got your head

up your ass.

Nobody cares

if you're a goddamn diabetic."

Ma.

Mary?

I just got home.

Who is Annie?

Oh, this little 10-year-old

who lives next door.

Where have you been? It's late.

Um, well, Primo died,

and I just had dinner

with Joey Lucas.

You're still having dinners

with Joey Lucas?

Uh, yeah.

Are you sleeping with him?

No, I have a boyfriend.

I mean, I had a boyfriend.

Anyway, no, we just have dinner.

Liar.

Why do you think I sleep

with every guy

who's even remotely nice to me?

Because you do, honey.

He's, like, 60.

Don't be ridiculous. Joey

Lucas can't even be 55 yet.

Mm.

And, frankly,

have you looked

in the mirror lately?

You're not getting any younger.

Thanks, Ma.

What?

Do you want me

to start sugar-coating

everything I say

all of a sudden?

No, because that would be

really sweet and nurturing,

and that would really

confuse me.

Exactly.

I always liked Joey Lucas.

Please don't do

anything awful to him.

Who did you say died, honey?

Spike!

Hi, girl.

How are you? Mwah.

You know him? Her?

She's a client. I walk her

sometimes when Primo's busy.

When was Primo busy?

Are you working for him now?

Working for him?

Are you his new dog-walker?

Oh, God, no.

I mean, it's cool. I...

No, I can assure you

I'm not a dog-walker.

I'm not even a dog-liker.

Oh.

Here, babe.

Go on, babe.

Where is Primo?

He's dead.

What?

He died a few days ago.

Oh... no.

Primo. Man, no.

Man, yes.

Would you like his dog?

No, I can't.

I have four already.

Oh, my God.

How'd his girlfriend take it?

I'm sorry?

What was her name?

Uh, she was with him

the last time I saw him.

I think it was his girlfriend.

Why do you think that?

They were making out.

Well, that's usually a giveaway.

Josie. That's it. No,

was that it? No, that's not it.

When was this?

I'm so bad with names.

When did this...

Someone once told me

that when you're being

introduced to someone,

you listen to your own name

instead of the one

being said to you,

because we're all

just egomaniacs

and consequently bad listeners.

I don't really know

if that's true or not.

Tell me something. Are you

listening to me right now?

Uh-huh.

When was this

Primo-Josie make out session?

When did it occur?

Couple weeks ago.

Yeah. God,

I can't believe Primo's dead.

Primo, the man who...

met everyone and did everything.

That's for sure.

Nice meeting you.

Hi.

Your place sounds amazing!

I'm 23, studying to

be a model...

Hi, my name's Rhonda.

I'm calling about the ad

for a roommate.

I'm a non-smoker...

Hey, how you doin'? Saw

your ad. My name's Freddy.

I'm a lawyer,

5' 10", 155 pounds.

Eight inches uncut...

Jesus Christ.

Ah.

Quelle concidence.

I'm sorry?

This is Marius Magdalin,

a protg of Primo's.

I-I-I just brought it

out of the basement

after speaking to you.

Primo had a protg?

Did you bring him along?

Oh, God, no.

See, here's the thing.

He's dead.

Primo est Mort?

Quand?

A few days ago.

God, my high-school French

is really paying off.

Vous aimez un chat?

Oh, no, wait, that's cat.

Dog is chien.

Would you like a chien?

How did he die?

Bad heart.

How true.

Were you his lover?

He lived with me.

a doit tre

catastrophique pour toi.

Well, I wouldn't say

it was catastrophic.

What a loss.

Just thinking about him, uh,

brings me back to the time

that this town was full

of $300 apartments

and all the galleries

were full of Primo's work.

I know he did some writing,

but I don't remember anything

about painting.

Oh, he was a gifted artist.

Some say a genius.

Genius? Where is it now?

Je Ne sais pas.

What a crazy, fascinating man.

I'm sure you've heard

the story millions of times

about when Primo finally

defecated, after seven days,

and Rauschenberg made

that bronze sculpture out of it.

Oh, to this day,

it still brings me joy.

Robert Rauschenberg, the artist?

Mm.

See, while Primo was working

at Warhol's Factory,

Andy came up with an idea,

and it was a good one.

It sold last year

at Christie's for 120,000.

Mon Dieu...

I loved that man.

And then he left me

that New Year's Eve

for that... little

17-year-old Asian trollop.

Tu devriez Lui parler.

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

You should call her.

Her name is Sue Watt.

She and Primo

were married for a while.

Married?

Mm.

Last I heard, she was making

these little films

and stripping downtown.

Keep your eyes peeled for

Asian strippers. Gotcha.

Zoe?

Frankie?

Get the f*** up here.

Oh, my God.

Zoe.

What?

I can see Asian strippers better

from the stage anyway.

Asian stripper, twelve o'clock.

Twelve o'clock.

Hi!

Hey, sweetheart.

You want a lap dance?

Uh, no, thank you.

Are you Sue Watt?

Sue Watt?! F*** off!

Did you say Sue Watt?

She wasn't very popular.

Do you know her?

I knew her.

She hasn't stripped in years.

Not since she had the kid.

The kid?

Yeah.

"Boo-hoo,

I can't strip. I have a kid."

Please, I got three kids.

Still strippin'.

Good for you.

I know, right?

Your friend would make

a good stripper.

Yeah, or even a hooker. Do you

know how I can get a hold of her?

Sue? I... Oh, you know

who you should talk to?

Miss Vicki.

Miss Vicki?

Yeah. She and Ted have

a show over at the Lava Lamp.

It's probably still

goin' on now.

Thanks.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Hey, and if you find Sue,

can you tell her

Minnie said she was

a real c*nt sandwich?

Got it.

Give me horseback rides

and you can feed me hay

I want to crank Liberace

and dance all day

Burn the spaghetti

and throw around confetti

Give me a dozen of those

Give me a case of these

Oh where are my manners

I forgot to say please

Say please

Well say please

Say please...

Oh, if I could love,

I'd love you all.

That was her number

last time I talked to her.

She's in a band,

so she may be out of town.

Beautiful Cock.

Excuse me?

Sue's band.

Oh.

So you knew Primo?

Oh, while he dated Sue,

I was a parallel lover.

Of course you were.

Wait, wait, wait.

What does that mean?

It means he cheated

on her with...

With him?

I am right here

in front of you, b*tch.

Sorry.

You have to understand.

It was the early '80s,

and we were all out,

just trying to grab

the big brass cock ring.

That was Primo's expression.

I doubt it.

Sue didn't have

the kid back then.

We were all just out tryin'

to discover ourselves

through our sexuality until

that crazy AIDS came along

and scared

the bejesus out of us.

Now all anyone fears is this

ridiculous Y2K business.

Kids nowadays

are just chomping at the bit

for a little excitement,

a little tragedy,

a little something to survive.

Mm. But we were the

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