My Dinner with Andre Page #17

Then in the next moment,

you start to think about things:

...work on the play,

what you've got to do tomorrow.

I don't know if this is true of you,

but I think it must be quite common.

The world comes in quite fast.

Now, that again may be because we're

afraid to stay in that place of forgetting...

...because that, again, is close to death.

Like people

who are afraid to go to sleep.

In other words, you interrelate, and you

don't know what the next moment will bring.

And to not know

what the next moment will bring...

...brings you closer

to a perception of death.

You see, that's why I think

that people have affairs.

I mean, you know, in the theater,

if you get good reviews...

...you feel for a moment

that you've got your hands on something.

You know what I mean?

I mean, it's a good feeling.

But then that feeling goes quite quickly.

And once again you don't know

quite what you should do next.

What'll happen?

Well, have an affair,

and up to a certain point...

...you can really feel

that you're on firm ground, you know.

There's a sexual conquest to be made.

There are different questions.

Does she enjoy the ears being nibbled?

How intensely can you talk about Schopenhauer

at some elegant French restaurant?

Whatever nonsense it is.

It's all, I think, to give you the semblance

that there's firm earth.

Well, have a real relationship

with a person that goes on for years...

That's completely unpredictable.

Then you've cut off all your ties to the land,

and you're sailing into the unknown...

...into uncharted seas.

I mean, you know, people hold on to these

images of father, mother, husband, wife...

...again for the same reason...

'cause they seem to provide

some firm ground.

But there's no wife there.

What does that mean?

A wife.

A husband. A son.

A baby holds your hands...

...and then suddenly there's this huge man

lifting you off the ground...

...and then he's gone.

Where's that son?

All the other customers

seemed to have left hours ago.

We got the bill,

and Andr paid for our dinner.

Really?

I treated myself to a taxi.

I rode home through the city streets.

There wasn't a street,

there wasn't a building...

...that wasn't connected

to some memory in my mind.

There, I was buying a suit

with my father.

There, I was having

an ice cream soda after school.

When I finally came in,

Debby was home from work...

...and I told her everything

about my dinner with Andr.

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