My Fair Lady Page #12

"Pull out the stopper

Let's have a whopper

"But get me to the church on time

"I got to be there in the mornin'

"Spruced up and looking in me prime

"Girls, come and kiss me

Show how you'll miss me

"But get me to the church on time

"If I am dancin'

Roll up the floor

"If I am whistlin'

Me out the door

"For I'm getting married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Kick up a rumpus

But don't lose the compass

"And get me to the church

"Get him to the church

"For God's sake

Get me to the church...

"... on time

"I'm gettin' married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Some bloke who's able

Lift up the table

"But get me to the church on time

"If I am flyin'

Then shoot me down

"If I am wooin'

Get her out of town

"For I'm getting married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Feather and tar me

Call out the Army

"But get me to the church

"Get me to the church

"For God's sake

Get me to the church...

"... on time

"He's gettin' married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Come on, pull out the stopper

Let's have a whopper

"But get me to the church on time

"He's got to be there in the mornin'

"Spruced up and lookin' in his prime

"Girls, come and kiss me

Show how you'll miss me

"But get me to the church on time

"If I am dancin'

Roll up the floor

"If I am whistlin'

Me out the door"

"Drug me or jail me

Stamp me and mail me

"But get me to the church

"Get him to the church

"For God's sake

Get me to the church on time

"Girls come and kiss him

Show how they miss him

"But get him to the church on time

"Kick up a rumpus

But don't lose the compass

"And get him to the church on time

"If I am flyin'

Then shoot me down

"If I am wooin'

Get her out of town

"He's gettin' married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Some bloke who's able

Lift up the table

"But get me to the church on time

"Starlight is reelin'

Home to bed now

"Mornin' is smearin' up the sky

"London is wakin'

"Daylight is breakin'

"Good luck, old chum

"Good health

"Goodbye

"I'm gettin' married in the mornin'

"Ding dong, the bells are gonna chime

"Hail and salute me

Then haul off and boot me"

"But get him to the church

Get him to the church

"For God's sake

Get him to the church...

"... on time"

Didn't she say

where to send her clothes?

I told you, sir, she took them all with her.

Here's a confounded thing. Eliza's bolted.

Last night Mrs. Pearce let her go

without telling me about it!

What'll I do? I got tea this morning

instead of coffee.

I don't know where anything is,

what my appointments are.

- Eliza'd know.

- Damn it, she's gone!

Did either of you frighten her last night?

We hardly said a word to her.

You were there.

Did you bully her after I went to bed?

She threw the slippers at me.

I never gave her the slightest provocation.

The slippers came at my head

before I uttered a word.

She used the most disgraceful language.

I was shocked! I don't understand.

We always gave her every consideration.

She admitted it.

I'm dashed!

Pickering, for God's sake,

stop being dashed and do something!

Phone the police. What are they there for?

You can't give Eliza's name to the police...

...as if she were a thief or a lost umbrella.

But why not? I want to find the girl.

She belongs to me.

I paid five pounds for her.

Quite right. Hello. Scotland Yard, please?

Get me some coffee, would you please?

Scotland Yard?

This is Colonel Pickering speaking.

I want to report a missing person.

Miss Eliza Doolittle.

About 21.

I should say about 5 foot 7.

Her eyes? Let me think now. Her eyes...

- Brown.

- Brown.

Her hair? Good Lord.

Sort of a nondescript neutral sort of-

Brown, brown, brown!

You heard what he said?

Brown, brown, brown, yes.

No. This is her residence. 27A-

Yes, about between 3:00 and 4:00

this morning, I understand.

No... She's no relation, no.

Well, let's call her a good friend, shall we?

I beg your pardon?

Listen to me, I don't like the tenor

of that question.

What the girl does here is our affair.

Your affair is to get her back

so she can continue doing it.

Well, I'm dashed!

"What in heaven

could have prompted her to go?

"After such a triumph at the ball

"What could have depressed her?

"What could have possessed her?

I cannot understand the wretch at all"

PICKERING:
I have an old school chum

at the Home Office. Perhaps he could help.

Think I'll give him a ring.

Whitehall:
7244, please.

"Women are irrational

That's all there is to that

"Their heads are full of

Cotton, hay and rags

"They're nothing but exasperating

Irritating, vacillating, calculating

"Agitating, maddening

And infuriating hags"

I want to speak

to Mr. Brewster Budgin, please.

Yes, I'll wait.

Pickering, why can't a woman

be more like a man?

I beg your pardon?

Yes, why can't a woman

be more like a man?

"Men are so honest,

so thoroughly square

"Eternally noble, historically fair

"Who, when you win

Will always give your back a pat?

"Why can't a woman be like that?

"Why does every one do

What the others do?

"Can't a woman learn to use her head?

"Why do they do everything

Their mothers do?

"Why don't they grow up

Well, like their father instead?

"Why can't a woman take after a man?

"Men are so pleasant, so easy to please

"Whenever you're with them

You're always at ease

"Would you be slighted

If I didn't speak for hours?

"Would you be livid

If I had a drink or two?

"Would you be wounded

If I never sent you flowers?

"Well, why can't a woman be like you?

"One man in a million may shout a bit

"Now and then

There's one with slight defects

"One perhaps whose truthfulness

You doubt a bit

"But by and large

We are a marvelous sex

"Why can't a woman take after a man?

"Cause men are so friendly

Good-natured and kind

"A better companion

You never will find

"If I were hours late for dinner

Would you bellow?

"If I forgot your silly birthday

Would you fuss?

"Would you complain

If I took out another fellow?

"Well, why can't a woman be like us?"

Is Mr. Brewster Budgin there?

Bruzzie, you'll never guess who this is.

You're quite right, it is. Good heavens.

By George, what a memory.

How are you, Bruzzie?

Nice to hear your voice.

What? You don't say.

Has it really been 30 years, Bruzzie?

Right. Yes, oceans of water.

Listen, Bruzzie, I'll tell you why I rang up.

Something rather unpleasant

has happened. Could I come and see you?

I could, yes. Now, straight away?

Right. Good. Thank you.

Goodbye, Bruzzie. Thank you very much.

Mrs. Pearce, I'm going along

to the Home Office.

I do hope you find her, Colonel Pickering.

Mr. Higgins will miss her.

Mr. Higgins will miss her, eh?

Blast Mr. Higgins, I'll miss her!

Pickering?

Mrs. Pearce?

Yes, sir.

Where's the Colonel?

He's gone to the Home Office, sir.

There you are. I'm disturbed and he runs

for help. Now there's a good fellow.

Mrs. Pearce, you're a woman.

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