My Fair Lady Page #14

Don't be too sure you have me

under your feet...

...to be trampled on and talked down.

I'll marry Freddy, I will,

as soon as I'm able to support him.

Freddy!

The poor devil who couldn't get a job

as an errand boy...

...even if he had the guts to try?

Don't you understand?

I have made you a consort for a king!

Freddy loves me.

That makes him king enough for me.

I don't want him to work.

He wasn't brought up to do it as I was.

I'll go and be a teacher.

What'll you teach, in heaven's name?

What you taught me. I'll teach phonetics.

I'll offer myself as an assistant

to that brilliant Hungarian.

What, that imposter? That humbug?

That toadying ignoramus?

Teach him my methods, my discoveries?

You take one step in that direction,

I'll wring your neck!

Wring away! What do I care?

I knew you'd strike me one day.

That's done you, 'Enry 'Iggins, it 'as.

I don't care for your bullyin'

an' your big talk.

"What a fool I was

"What a dominated fool

"To think you were the earth and sky

"What a fool I was

"What an addle-pated fool

"What a mutton-headed dolt was I

"No, my reverberating friend

"You are not the beginning and the end"

You impudent hussy!

There's not an idea in your head or a word

in your mouth that I haven't put there.

"There'll be spring every year

without you

"England still will be here without you

"There'll be fruit on the tree

And a shore by the sea

"There'll be crumpets and tea without you

"Art and music will thrive without you

"Somehow Keats will survive without you

"And there still will be rain

On that plain down in Spain

"Even that will remain without you

"I can do...

"... without you

"You, dear friend

"Who talk so well

"You can go to

"Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire

"They can still rule the land without you

"Windsor Castle will stand without you

"And without much ado

We can all muddle through

"Without you! "

You brazen hussy!

"Without your pulling it the tide comes in

"Without your twirling it the earth can spin

"Without your pushing them

the clouds roll by

"If they can do without you, Ducky,

So can I

"I shall not feel alone without you

"I can stand on my own without you

"So go back in your shell

I can do bloody well-"

"By George, I really did it

I did it, I did it

"I said I'd make a woman and indeed I did

"I knew that I could do it

I knew it, I knew it

"I said I'd make a woman

and succeed I did"

Eliza, you're magnificent.

Five minutes ago you were

a millstone around my neck...

...and now you're a tower of strength.

A consort battleship.

I like you this way.

Goodbye, Professor Higgins.

You shall not be seeing me again.

Mother!

Mother!

What is it, Henry? What's happened?

She's gone.

Well, of course, dear.

What did you expect?

What am I to do?

Do without, I suppose.

And so I shall.

If the Higgins' oxygen burns up

her little lungs...

...let her seek some stuffiness

that suits her.

She's an owl sickened

by a few days of my sunshine.

Let her go. I can do without her.

I can do without anyone.

I have my own soul!

My own spark of divine fire!

Bravo, Eliza.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn

"I've grown accustomed to her face"

"She almost makes the day begin

"I've grown accustomed to the tune

That she whistles night and noon

"Her smiles, her frowns

Her ups, her downs

"Are second nature to me now

"Like breathing out and breathing in

"I was serenely independent and content

Before we met

"Surely I could always be that way again

"And yet I've grown

Accustomed to her looks

"Accustomed to her voice

"Accustomed to her face"

Marry Freddy.

What an infantile idea. What a heartless,

wicked, brainless thing to do.

But she'll regret it. She'll regret it.

It's doomed before they even take the vow!

"I can see her now

Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill

"In a wretched little flat above a store

"I can see her now, not a penny in the till

"And a bill collector beating at the door

"She'll try to teach the things I taught her

"And end up selling flowers instead

"Begging for her bread and water

"While her husband has

his breakfast in bed

"In a year or so

when she's prematurely gray

"And the blossom in her cheek

has turned to chalk

"She'll come home and lo

he'll have upped and run away

"With a social-climbing heiress

from New York

"Poor Eliza

"How simply frightful

"How humiliating

"How delightful

"How poignant it will be

On that inevitable night

"When she hammers on my door

In tears and rags

"Miserable and lonely

Repentant and contrite

"Will I take her in

Or hurl her to the wolves?

"Give her kindness

Or the treatment she deserves?

"Will I take her back

Or throw the baggage out?"

"Well, I'm a most forgiving man

"The sort who never could, ever would

"Take a position

and staunchly never budge

"A most forgiving man"

"But I shall never take her back

"If she were crawling on her knees

"Let her promise to atone

Let her shiver, let her moan

"I'll slam the door

And let the hellcat freeze"

Marry Freddy.

"But I'm so used to hear her say

"'Good morning' every day

"Her joys, her woes

"Her highs, her lows

"Are second nature to me now

"Like breathing out and breathing in

"I'm very grateful she's a woman

And so easy to forget

"Rather like a habit one can always break

"And yet I've grown

Accustomed to the trace

"Of something in the air

"Accustomed to her face"

ELIZA'S VOICE:
We are proud. He ain't

above givin' lessons. I 'eard 'im say so.

I ain't come here to ask

for any compliment...

...and if my money's not good enough,

I can go elsewhere.

HENRY'S VOICE:
Good enough for what?

ELIZA'S VOICE:
Good enough for you.

Now you know.

I'm come to 'ave lessons.

And to pay for 'em, too...

...make no mistake.

PICKERING'S VOICE: What do you want?

ELIZA'S VOICE:
I want to be a lady

in a flow'r shop, 'stead o' sellin'...

...at the corner of Tottenham Court Road.

But they won't take me unless I can talk

more genteel. He said he could teach me.

Well, 'ere I am ready to pay. Not askin'

any favor, and he treats me as if I was dirt.

I know what lessons cost as well as you do

and I'm ready to pay.

I won't give more than a shillin'.

Take it or leave it.

HENRY'S VOICE:
It's almost irresistible.

She's so deliciously low.

So horribly dirty. I'll take it.

I'll make a duchess

of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.

I washed my face and 'ands

before I come, I did.

Eliza?

Where the devil are my slippers?

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