My Fair Lady Page #2

You don't believe that, Capt'n?

Anything's possible.

I, myself, am a student of Indian dialects.

Are you? Do you know Colonel Pickering,

the author of Spoken Sanskrit?

I am Colonel Pickering. Who are you?

I'm Henry Higgins,

author of Higgins' Universal Alphabet.

I came from India to meet you!

I was going to India to meet you!

- Higgins!

- Pickering!

- Where are you staying?

- At the Carleton.

No, you're not.

You're staying at 27A Wimpole Street.

You come with me.

We'll have a little jaw over supper.

Indian dialects have always fascinated me.

Buy a flower. I'm short for me lodgin'.

Liar!

You said you could change half a crown.

You ought to be stuffed

with nails, you ought!

Here, take the whole bloomin' basket

for a sixpence!

A reminder.

How many are there actually?

PICKERING:
How many what?

Indian dialects?

PICKERING:
No fewer than

...are recorded as vernacular in India.

Shouldn't we stand up, gentlemen?

We've got a bloomin' heiress in our midst.

Would you be lookin'

for a good butler, Eliza?

Well, you won't do.

"It's rather dull in town

I think I'll take me to Paris

"The missus wants to open up

the castle in Capri

"Me doctor recommends

a quiet summer by the sea

"Wouldn't it be loverly?"

Where are ya bound for this year, Eliza?

Biarritz?

"All I want is a room somewhere

"Far away from the cold night air

"With one enormous chair

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Lots of chocolate for me to eat

"Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat

"Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Oh, so loverly sittin'

"Absobloominlutely still

"I would never budge till Spring

"Crept over the winder sill

"Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee

"Warm and tender as he can be

"Who takes good care of me

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Loverly

"Loverly

"Loverly

"Loverly

"All I want is a room somewhere

"Far away from the cold night air

"With one enormous chair

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Lots of chocolate for me to eat

"Lots of coal makin' lots of 'eat

"Warm face, warm 'ands, warm feet

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Oh, so loverly sittin'

"Absobloominlutely still

"I would never budge till Spring

"Crept over the winder sill

"Someone's 'ead restin' on my knee

"Warm and tender as he can be

"Who takes good care of me

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Loverly

"Loverly

"Loverly"

"Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?

"Loverly

"Loverly

"Loverly

"Wouldn't it be loverly?"

JAMIE:
Come on, Alfie, let's go 'ome now.

This place is givin' me the willies.

Home? What do you want to go 'ome for?

It's nearly 5:
00.

My daughter Eliza'll be along soon.

She ought to be good for 'alf a crown

for a father that loves 'er.

That's a laugh.

You ain't been near 'er for months.

What's that got to do with it?

What's 'alf a crown after all I've give 'er?

When did you ever give 'er anythin'?

Anythin'? I give 'er everythin'.

I give 'er the greatest gift

any human being can give to another:

Life!

I introduced 'er to this here planet, I did,

with all its wonders and marvels.

The sun that shines, the moon that glows.

Hyde Park to walk through

on a fine spring night.

The 'ole ruddy city o' London to roam

around in sellin' 'er bloomin' flow'rs.

I give 'er all that.

Then I disappears and leaves 'er

on 'er own to enjoy it.

If that ain't worth 'alf a crown

now and again...

...I'll take my belt off and give 'er what for.

You got a good 'eart.

But you want a 'alf a crown out o' Eliza...

...you better have a good story.

ALFIE:
Leave that to me, my boy.

- Good mornin', George.

- Not a brass farthin'.

Not a brass farthin'.

There she is.

Why, Liza, what a surprise.

Hop along, Charlie, you're too old for me.

- Don't you know your daughter?

- You don't know what she looks like.

I know 'er, I know 'er.

Come on, I'll find 'er.

Eliza, what a surprise.

Not a brass farthin'.

Hey, you come 'ere, Eliza.

I ain't gonna take me 'ard-earned wages...

...and let you pass 'em on

to a bloody pubkeeper.

You wouldn't send me 'ome

to your stepmother...

...without a drop o' liquid protection,

would ya?

Stepmother, indeed!

Well, I'm willin' to marry 'er.

It's me that suffers by it.

I'm a slave to that woman, Eliza.

Just because I ain't 'er lawful 'usband.

Come on.

Slip your ol' dad just 'alf a crown

to go 'ome on.

Well, I had a bit o' luck meself last night.

But don't keep comin' around

countin' on 'alf crowns from me!

Thank you, Eliza. You're a noble daughter.

"Beer, beer, glorious beer

"Fill yourself right up"

HENRY'S VOICE:
See this creature

with her curbstone English...

...that will keep her

in the gutter till the end of her days?

In six months, I could pass her off

as a duchess at an Embassy Ball.

I could get her ajob as a lady's maid

or a shop assistant...

...which requires better English.

You disgrace to the noble architecture

of these columns!

I could get her ajob as a lady's maid

or a shop assistant...

...which requires better English.

How many vowel sounds

did you hear altogether?

I believe I counted 24.

Wrong by 100. To be exact you heard 130.

Listen to them one at a time.

Must I? I'm really quite done up

for one morning.

Your name, please?

Your name, miss?

My name is of no concern to you

whatsoever.

One moment, please.

London is gettin' so dirty these days.

I'm Mrs. Pearce,

the housekeeper. Can I help you?

Good morning, missus.

I'd like to see the professor, please.

Could you tell me what it's about?

It's business of a personal nature.

One moment, please.

- Mr. Higgins?

- What is it, Mrs. Pearce?

There's a young woman

who wants to see you, sir.

A young woman?

What does she want?

She's quite a common girl, sir.

Very common indeed.

I should've sent her away, only I thought...

...you wanted her to talk

into your machine.

- Has she an interesting accent?

- Simply ghastly.

Good. Let's have her in.

Show her in, Mrs. Pearce.

This is rather a bit of luck.

I'll show you how I make records.

We'll set her talking, then I'll take

her down first in Bell's Visible Speech...

...then in broad Romic.

Then we'll get her on the phonograph...

...so you can turn her on when you want

with the written transcript before you.

This is the young woman, sir.

Good mornin', my good man.

Might I 'ave a word with you?

Oh, no. This is the girl

I jotted down last night.

She's no use. I got the records I want

of the Lisson Grove lingo.

I won't waste another cylinder on that.

Be off with you. I don't want you.

Don't be so saucy.

You ain't 'eard what I come for yet.

Did you tell 'im I come in a taxi?

Nonsense. Do you think a gentleman

like Mr. Higgins cares...

...what you came in?

Oh, we are proud.

He ain't above givin' lessons, not 'im.

I 'eard 'im say so.

I ain't come here to ask

for any compliment...

...and if my money's not good enough,

I can go elsewhere.

Good enough for what?

ELIZA:
Good enough for you.

Now you know, don't ya?

I'm come to 'ave lessons.

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