My Fair Lady Page #6

But will you take advantage

of a man's nature...

...do him out of the price of

his own daughter, what he's brought up...

...fed and clothed

by the sweat of his brow...

...till she's growed big enough

to be interestin' to you two gentlemen?

Is five pounds unreasonable,

I put it to you?

And I leave it to you.

You know, Pickering, if we took this man

in hand for three months...

...he could choose between a seat in

the Cabinet and a popular pulpit in Wales.

- We'd better give 'im a fiver.

- He'll make bad use of it, I'm afraid.

ALFIE:
Not me, Governor,

so 'elp me I won't.

Just one good spree

for meself an' the missus...

...givin' pleasure to ourselves

and employment to others.

An' satisfaction to you to know

it ain't been throwed away.

ALFIE:
You couldn't spend it better.

This is irresistible. Let's give 'im ten.

The missus wouldn't have the 'eart

to spend ten.

Ten pounds is a lot o' money.

Makes a man feel prudent-like,

and then goodbye to 'appiness.

No, you just give me what I ask, Governor.

Not a penny less, not a penny more.

I rather draw the line at encouraging

this sort of immorality.

Why don't you marry that missus of yours?

After all, marriage isn't so frightening.

You married Eliza's mother.

Who told you that, Governor?

Well, nobody told me.

I concluded, naturally...

If we listen to this man for another minute

we'll have no convictions left.

- Five pounds, I think you said.

- Thank you, Governor.

Are you sure you won't have ten?

No. No, perhaps another time.

ELIZA:
I won't, I won't!

I beg your pardon, miss.

I won't say those ruddy vowels

one more time.

Blimey, it's Eliza.

ALFIE:
I never thought she'd clean up

so good-looking.

She does me credit, don't she?

What are you doin' here?

Now, you hold your tongue and don't

you give these gentlemen none o' your lip.

If you have any trouble with 'er,

give 'er a few licks o' the strap.

That's the way to improve 'er mind.

Well, good morning, gentlemen.

Cheerio, Eliza.

There's a man for you.

A philosophical genius of the first water.

Write to Mr. Ezra Wallingford

and tell him...

...if he wants a lecturer, to get in touch

with Mr. Doolittle...

...a common dustman, one of

the most original moralists in England.

What did he come for?

Say your vowels.

I know me vowels.

I knew 'em before I come.

If you know them, say them.

Ahyee, e, iyee, ow, you.

A, E, I, O, U.

That's what I said. Ahyee, e, iyee, ow, you.

That's what I've said for three days

an' I won't no more.

I know it's difficult, Miss Doolittle,

but try to understand.

There's no use explaining.

As a military man you should know that.

Drilling is what she needs.

Leave her alone or she'll turn to you

for sympathy.

Very well, if you insist,

but have a little patience with her.

Of course.

Say "A."

You ain't got no 'eart, you ain't.

I promise you, you'll say your vowels

correctly before this day is out...

...or there'll be no lunch,

no dinner, and no chocolates.

"Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins

Just you wait

"You'll be sorry

But your tears will be too late

"You'll be broke and I'll have money

Will I help you? Don't be funny!

"Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins

Just you wait

"Just you wait, 'Enry 'Iggins

Till you're sick

"And you screams

To fetch a doctor double-quick

"I'll be off a second later

And go straight to the theater

"Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'Iggins

Just you wait!

"'Enry 'Iggins

"Just you wait

Until we're swimmin' in the sea

"'Enry 'Iggins

"And you get the cramp

a little ways from me

"When you yell you're gonna drown

I'll get dressed and go to town

"Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'Iggins

Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'Iggins

"Just you wait!

"One day I'll be famous

I'll be proper and prim

"Go to St. James so often

I will call it St. Jim

"One evening the king will say

'Oh, Liza, old thing

"'I want all of England your praises to sing

"'Next week on the 20th of May

"'I proclaim Liza Doolittle Day

"'All the people will celebrate

the glory of you

"'And whatever you wish and want

I gladly will do'

"'Thanks a lot, King,' says I

in a manner well-bred

"'But all I want is 'Enry 'Iggins' 'ead'

"'Done!'

"Says the king with a stroke

"'Guard, run and bring in the bloke'

ELIZA:
"Then they'll march you,

'Enry 'Iggins, to the wall

"And the king will tell me:

KING:
"'Liza, sound the call'

"As they raise their rifles higher

"I'll shout:
'Ready, aim, fire!"'

"Ho, ho, ho, 'Enry 'Iggins, down you go

"Just you wait! "

"A."

"Ahyee. "

All right, Eliza, say it again.

"The rine in Spine...

"... stais minely in the pline. "

"The rain in Spain

stays mainly in the plain. "

Didn't I saiy that?

No, Eliza, you didn't "saiy" that.

You didn't even "say" that.

Every night before you go to bed,

where you used to say your prayers...

...I want you to say:

"The rain in Spain

stays mainly in the plain. "

Fifty times.

You'll get much further with the Lord

if you learn not to offend His ears.

Now for your "H's. "

Pickering, this is going to be ghastly.

Control yourself, Higgins.

Give the girl a chance.

I suppose you can't expect her

to get it right the first time.

Come here, Eliza,

and watch closely.

Now, you see that flame?

Every time you pronounce the letter "H"

correctly the flame will waver...

...and every time you drop your "H"

the flame will remain stationary.

That's how to know

you've done it correctly.

In time, your ear will hear the difference.

You'll see it better in the mirror.

Now listen carefully.

"In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire...

"... hurricanes hardly ever happen. "

Now you repeat that after me.

"In Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire,

hurricanes hardly ever happen. "

"In 'artford, 'ereford and 'ampshire

'urricanes 'ardly hever 'appen. "

Oh, no, no!

Have you no ear at all?

- Should I do it over?

- No, please.

Start from the very beginning.

Just do this.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Go on, go on.

Does the same thing hold true in India?

Have they the peculiar habit

of not only dropping a letter...

...but using it where it doesn't belong,

like "hever" instead of "ever"?

The girl, Higgins!

Go on. Go on.

"Poor Professor Higgins

"Poor Professor Higgins

"Night and day he slaves away

"Oh, poor Professor Higgins

"All day long on his feet

"Up and down until he's numb

"Doesn't rest, doesn't eat

"Doesn't touch a crumb"

Again, Eliza.

How kind of you to let me come.

How kind of you to let me come.

No. "Kind of you. "

How kind of you to let me come.

How kind of you to let me come.

Kind of you. It's like "cup of tea. "

Kind of you. Cup of tea. Say, "cup of tea. "

Cuppatea.

No. "A cup of tea. "

It's awfully good cake.

I wonder where Mrs. Pearce gets it.

First rate. And those strawberry tarts

are delicious. Did you try the pline cake?

Try it again.

PICKERING:
Did you try the-

Pickering!

Again, Eliza.

Cuppatea.

Oh, no.

Can't you hear the difference?

Look, put your tongue forward until

it squeezes on the top of your lower teeth.

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