My Fair Lady Page #5

You won't get hooked

"With a little bit

"With a little bit

"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!

ALFIE:
"They're always

throwing goodness at you

"But with a little bit o' luck a man can duck

"The Lord above made man

to 'elp his neighbor

"No matter where on land, or sea, or foam

"The Lord above made man

to 'elp his neighbor, but

"With a little bit o' luck

With a little bit o' luck

"When he comes around

you won't be home"

You'd make a good suffragette, Alfie.

Why, there's the lucky man now.

The Honorable Alfie Doolittle.

What are you doing in Eliza's house?

Her former residence!

You can buy your own drinks now,

Alfie Doolittle.

Fallen into a tub of butter, you have.

What are you talkin' about?

Your daughter, Eliza.

You're a lucky man, Alfie Doolittle.

What about Eliza?

He don't know.

Her own father an' he don't know.

Moved in with a swell, Eliza has.

Left here in a taxi all by herself,

smart as paint.

An' ain't been home for three days.

Go on.

MRS. HOPKINS:
And this mornin'

I gets a message from 'er.

She wants her things sent over...

...to 27A Wimpole Street...

...care of Professor Higgins.

An' what things does she want?

Her birdcage and her Chinese fan.

MRS. HOPKINS:
But she says:

"Never mind about sending any clothes. "

I knew she had a career in front of 'er.

We're in for a booze-up.

The sun is shining on Alfred P. Doolittle.

"A man was made

to 'elp support his children

"Which is the right and proper thing to do

"A man was made

to 'elp support his children, but

"With a little bit o' luck

With a little bit o' luck

"They'll go out and start supportin' you

"With a little bit

"With a little bit o' luck they'll work for you

"With a little bit

"With a little bit

"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!

ALFIE:
"It's a crime for a man

to go philanderin'

"And fill his wife's poor 'eart

with grief and doubt

"It's a crime for a man

to go philanderin', but

"With a little bit o' luck

With a little bit o' luck

"You can see the bloodhounds

don't find out!

"With a little bit

"With a little bit o' luck

She won't find out!

"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck! "

The mail, sir.

Pay the bills and say no to the invitations.

You simply cannot go on

working the girl this way.

Making her say her alphabet

over and over...

...from sunup to sundown,

even during meals.

You'll exhaust yourself. When will it stop?

When she does it properly, of course.

Is that all, Mrs. Pearce?

There's another letter from the

American millionaire, Ezra D. Wallingford.

He still wants you

for his Moral Reform League.

Throw it away.

It's the third letter he's written you.

You should at least answer it.

All right, leave it on the desk, Mrs. Pearce.

I'll try and get to it.

If you please, sir. There's

a dustman downstairs, Alfred P. Doolittle...

...who wants to see you.

He says you have his daughter here.

I say!

Well, send the blackguard up.

PICKERING:
He may not be

a blackguard, Higgins.

Nonsense. Of course

he's a blackguard, Pickering.

I'm afraid we'll have some trouble

with him.

No, I think not. Any trouble to be had,

he'll have it with me. Not I with him.

Doolittle, sir.

ALFIE:
Professor Higgins?

Here!

Where?

Good morning, Governor.

I come about a very serious matter,

Governor.

Brought up in Houndslow.

Mother Welsh, I should think.

What is it you want, Doolittle?

I want my daughter, that's what I want.

See?

Of course you do.

You're her father, aren't you?

I'm glad to see you have a spark

of family feeling left.

She's in there. Yes, take her away at once.

What?

Take her away. Do you think I am going

to keep your daughter for you?

Now, is this reasonable, Governor?

Is it fairity to take advantage

of a man like that?

The girl belongs to me. You got 'er.

Where do I come in?

How dare you come here

and attempt to blackmail me!

You sent her here on purpose!

Don't take a man up like that, Governor.

The police shall take you up.

This is a plan...

...a plot to extort money by threats.

I shall telephone the police.

Have I asked you for a brass farthin'?

I leave it to this gentleman 'ere.

Have I said a word about money?

Well, what else did you come for?

What would a bloke come for?

Be 'uman, Governor.

Alfred, you sent her here on purpose.

So help me, Governor, I never did.

How did you know she was here?

I'd tell you, Governor,

if you'd let me get a word in.

I'm willing to tell ya.

I'm wanting to tell ya.

I'm waiting to tell ya!

You know, Pickering, this chap's got

a certain natural gift of rhetoric.

Observe the rhythm

of his native woodnotes wild.

"I'm willing to tell you. I'm wanting

to tell you. I'm waiting to tell you. "

That's the Welsh strain in 'im.

How did you know Eliza was here

if you didn't send her?

Well, she sent back for her luggage

and I got to 'ear about it.

She said she didn't want no clothes.

What was I to think from that, Governor?

I ask you, as a parent, what was I to think?

So you came here to rescue her

from worse than death, eh?

- Yes, sir, Governor. That's right.

- Yes.

Mrs. Pearce!

Eliza's father has come to take her away.

Give her to him, will you?

ALFIE:
Now wait a minute, Governor.

Wait a minute.

You and me is men o' the world, ain't we?

Men of the world, are we?

Perhaps you'd better go, Mrs. Pearce.

I think so indeed, sir!

ALFIE:
Here, Governor.

I've took a sort of a fancy to you and...

...if you want the girl, I ain't so set

on 'avin' her home again...

...but what I might be open to

is an arrangement.

All I ask is my rights as a father.

You're the last man alive to expect me

to let her go for nothing.

I can see you're a straight sort, Governor.

So...

...what's a five pound note to you?

An' what's Eliza to me?

I think you should know, Doolittle...

...that Mr. Higgins' intentions

are entirely honorable.

Of course they are, Governor.

If I thought they wasn't, I'd ask 50.

You mean, you'd sell your daughter

for 50 pounds?

Have you no morals, man?

No, I can't afford 'em, Governor. Neither

could you if you was as poor as me.

Not that I mean any 'arm, but...

...if Eliza is gonna have a bit out o' this,

why not me, too?

Why not?

Look at it my way. What am I?

I ask ya, what am I? I'm one

o' the undeserving poor, that's what I am.

Think what that means to a man.

It means he's up against

middle-class morality for all the time.

If there's anything goin' an' I ask

for a bit of it, it's always the same story:

"You're undeservin', so you can't have it. "

But my needs is as great as the most

deservin' widows that ever got money...

...out of six different charities in one week

for the death o' the same 'usband.

I don't need less than a deservin' man,

I need more.

I don't eat less 'earty than he does

and I drink...

...a lot more.

I'm playin' straight with you.

I ain't pretendin' to be deservin'.

No, I'm undeservin'...

...and I mean to go on bein' undeservin'.

I like it an' that's the truth.

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