My Fair Lady Page #8

How nice you look.

What are you doing here? You promised

never to come to Ascot. Go home.

I can't. I'm here on business.

You must. I'm quite serious.

You'll offend all my friends.

The moment they meet you

I never see them again.

Besides, you aren't dressed for Ascot.

I changed my shirt.

Mother, I've got a job for you.

A phonetics job. I've picked up a girl.

Not a love affair. She's a flower girl.

I'm taking her to the annual Embassy Ball

but I wanted to try her out first.

- I beg your pardon?

- Well, you know the Embassy Ball.

So I invited her to your box today,

do you understand?

Common flower girl?

I taught her how to speak properly.

She has strict instructions

as to her behavior.

She's to keep to two subjects:

the weather and everybody's health.

"Fine day! " and "How do you do?"

Not let herself go on.

Help her along. You'll be quite safe.

Safe? To talk about one's health

in the middle of a race?

She's got to talk about something.

Where is the girl now?

She's being pinned. Some of the clothes

we bought her didn't fit.

I told Pickering we should have

taken her with us.

- Mrs. Eynsford-Hill.

- Good afternoon, Mrs. Higgins.

You know my son, Henry.

How do you do?

- I've seen you somewhere before.

- I don't know.

It doesn't matter. You better sit down.

Where the devil can they be?

MRS. HIGGINS:
Colonel Pickering,

you're just in time for tea.

Thank you, Mrs. Higgins.

May I introduce Miss Eliza Doolittle?

MRS. HIGGINS:
My dear Miss Doolittle.

How kind of you to let me come.

MRS. HIGGINS:
Delighted, my dear.

- Lady Boxington.

- How do you do?

How do you do?

- Lord Boxington.

- How do you do?

How do you do?

- Mrs. Eynsford-Hill, Miss Doolittle.

- How do you do?

How do you do?

MRS. HIGGINS:
And Freddy Eynsford-Hill.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Miss Doolittle.

Good afternoon, Professor Higgins.

The first race was very exciting,

Miss Doolittle.

I'm so sorry that you missed it.

Will it rain, do you think?

"The rain in Spain stays mainly

in the plain. "

"But in Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire,

hurricanes hardly ever happen. "

How awfully funny.

What is wrong with that, young man?

I bet I got it right.

Smashing.

LADY BOXINGTON:

Has it suddenly turned chilly?

I do hope we won't have

any unseasonable cold spells.

They bring on so much influenza.

LADY BOXINGTON:
And the whole

of our family is susceptible to it.

My aunt died of influenza, so they said.

But it's my belief they done

the old woman in.

MRS. HIGGINS:
Done her in?

Yes, Lord love you.

Why should she die of influenza...

...when she'd come through diphtheria

right enough the year before.

Fairly blue with it she was.

They all thought she was dead.

But my father, he kept ladling gin

down her throat.

Then she come to so sudden

she bit the bowl off the spoon.

Dear me!

Now what call would a woman

with that strength in her...

...have to die of influenza?

And what become of her new straw hat

that should have come to me?

Somebody pinched it.

And what I say is:

Them 'as pinched it, done her in.

Done her in? "Done her in," did you say?

Whatever does it mean?

That's the new small talk.

"To do somebody in" means to kill them.

But you surely don't believe

your aunt was killed?

Do I not?

Them she lived with would have killed her

for a hatpin, let alone a hat.

MRS. HIGGINS:
But it can't have been right

for your father...

...to pour spirits down her throat like that.

It might have killed her.

Not her. Gin was mother's milk to her.

Besides, he poured so much down

his own throat he knew the good of it.

Do you mean that he drank?

Drank? My word. Something chronic.

Here, what are you sniggering at?

The new small talk.

You do it so awfully well.

Well, if I was doing it proper,

what was you sniggering at?

Have I said anything I oughtn't?

Not at all, my dear.

Well, that's a mercy anyhow.

I don't know if there's time

before the next race to place a bet...

...but come, my dear.

I have a bet on number seven.

I should be so happy if you would take it.

You'll enjoy the race ever so much more.

That's very kind of you.

His name is Dover.

PICKERING:
Come along.

"There they are again

"Lining up to run

"Now they're holding steady

"They are ready for it. Look!

"It has begun"

Come on. Come on, Dover.

Come on.

Come on, Dover!

Come on!

Come on, Dover!

Move your bloomin' arse!

Oh, my dear.

You're not serious, Henry. You don't

expect to take her to the Embassy Ball.

Don't you think she's ready for it?

Dear Henry, she's ready for a canal barge.

Her language may need

a little refining, but-

Really, Henry, if you cannot see

how impossible this whole project is...

...then you must be potty about her.

I advise you to give up

and not put yourself...

...or this poor girl through any more.

It's the most fascinating venture

I've ever undertaken.

Pickering and I are at it from morning

till night. It fills our whole lives.

Teaching Eliza, talking to Eliza,

listening to Eliza, dressing Eliza.

You're a pretty pair of babies

playing with your live doll.

Here's the car.

Good evening, sir.

- Is dinner ready? I'm famished.

- Immediately, sir.

Good evening,

Professor Higgins.

"When she mentioned

how her aunt bit off the spoon

"She completely done me in

"And my heart went on

a journey to the moon

"When she told about her father

and the gin

"And I never saw a more enchanting farce

"Than the moment when she shouted

'Move your bloomin'- "'

- Yes, sir?

- Is Miss Doolittle in?

Whom shall I say is calling?

Freddy Eynsford-Hill.

If she doesn't remember who I am...

...tell her I'm the chap

who was "sniggering" at her.

Yes, sir.

And will you give her these?

Wouldn't you like to come in?

They're having dinner,

but you may wait in the hall.

No, thank you. I want to drink in

the street where she lives.

"I have often walked

down this street before

"But the pavement always stayed

beneath my feet before

"All at once am I several stories high

"Knowing I'm on the street where you live

"Are there lilac trees in the heart of town?

"Can you hear a lark

in any other part of town?

"Does enchantment pour

out of every door?

"No, it's just on the street where you live

"And, oh, the towering feeling

"Just to know somehow you are near

"The overpowering feeling

"That any second you may suddenly appear

"People stop and stare,

they don't bother me

"For there's nowhere else on earth

that I would rather be

"Let the time go by

"I won't care if I

"Can be here on the street where you live"

Oh, sir.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

Miss Doolittle says she doesn't want

to see anyone ever again.

But why? She was unbelievable.

So I've been told, sir.

Is there any further message?

Tell her that I'll wait.

But it might be days, sir, even weeks.

But don't you see? I'll be happier here.

"People stop and stare,

they don't bother me

"For there's nowhere else on earth

that I would rather be

"Let the time go by

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