My Fake Fiance Page #2

I checked. The truck is covered, but not what was in it.

That's too bad. You know, I still don't see what

all this has to do with me, though.

I was thinking about something you said at the wedding about how

the money we put into wedding gifts is like a savings account.

Well, I really need to make a withdrawal. Really, really can't sleep

another night on throw pillows. So what I was thinking was...

- I'm in.

- Well, I didn't even...

I'm in. I love it. It's perfect. I'm in. We stage a fake wedding.

We invite everyone that we know. You register for the stuff

you want to replace, I get to keep all the cash.

It's perfect. I'm in. How long do we have to stay

married in order to keep the gifts?

So you think it's a good idea?

Ooh, you know what else? You could turn all the gifts into cash

too. Take the whole bundle down to the track,

double and triple our money, furnish your place like a palace.

Check, please. Yeah, this won't work. Wedding's off.

Wow, talk about commitment issues. You're getting

cold feet over our pretend wedding.

Hello? You're kidding? Where? That's great.

I'll be right there. Have a nice life.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What about the money?

Your furniture? Our love?

Oh, be the coffee maker. Be the coffee maker.

So, you're thinking a DJ or a band?

Oh, here it is. Invited guests have an obligation to

send a gift whether they are attending or not.

Seriously? That is, that is awesome. So we need to invite

everyone that we know. In fact, we should invite

everyone that we've ever met, especially the rich ones.

You know what? I spilled coffee once on Donald Trump.

Why don't we send a couple of invites over to Trump

Tower, see what happens?

- Brilliant!

-Thank you.

Okay, just so we're clear - we announce our engagement,we send

out invitations and then just before the wedding, we call it off.

I keep all the gifts for my apartment, and you

keep all the cash to pay off your debt.

It's perfect. Plus, the girls love a guy who's been left at the altar,so

I will definitely be seeing some sympathy bow-chicka-wow-wow.

Wow. I just hope people will buy that I've actually

lowered my standards this much.

Ha. What does it say in there about calling it off?I need to

know how long we need to keep this charade up.

I really need to pay off the monkey.

Oh no. If the couple calls off their engagement prior to

the wedding, all gifts must be promptly returned.

So, wait a minute. What does that mean?

That we have to actually go through with it?

Apparently so.

You and I are broke. We can't afford a wedding.

Yes, we can. We pretend we're planning a wedding,

but then as the date approaches,

we get overwhelmed with the details and have to elope.

It's perfect. We get the gifts, but without the wedding.

That could work.

It will work. All we have to do is convince

people that we're in love.

-Oh, God.

-Oh, God.

No, you know what? We can do this. We just have

to make up a story about our whirlwind romance.

Yeah, like how I swept you off your feet

with my dashing good looks.

Or something believable.

What? Like your effervescent charm?

No. Like we bonded over something we have in

common. Now, what do we have in common?

- Any ideas?

- Not a one.

Well, guess that's about it. I'm telling

you this guy is a real pig.

I know. This is the first time I've ransacked a place and I

left it cleaner than I found it. What did we get, anyway?

-Not much. A jar of pennies, a stack of vintage girlie magazines.

-And we'll have to wait until he gets here.

- What is that?

- A dictionary. What's that thing he called us?

- What do you mean? Cliche?

- Yeah, cliche.

Cliche. Cliche.

C-l-e-e-s-h-a-y.

I can't find it.

Look, all I know is he better get here soon. 'Cause if I miss

Desperate Housewives, he'll be missing a finger.

Where is that boy?

- Hello?

- Honey, I'm home.

-Did you leave something here, like your pride?

- Just let me in.

- I'm in my pyjamas.

Ooh, how exciting! Just let me in or I'm

calling off the wedding.

No. No, no, no, no. That was not part of

the deal. You cannot stay here.

- Do you remember the monkey?

- Yeah, who could forget?

Right now there are two gorillas outside my apartment waiting for me.

You want to become a widow before you ever get your shower gifts?

Have you ever heard of these things called friends?

They come in really handy at times like this.

I have a lot of friends, thank you very much.

I just owe them all money.

Oh, wow, you're living the dream!

It'll be one night. You won't even know I'm here.

Fine. One night.

What's with the gloves, Minnie Mouse?

-Uh.. They're moisturising gloves.

-Right. It's probably a good idea at your age.

-Honey, where are you going?

-To see Jennifer. I told you. She called and asked for

Vince's number.

-It's 8 in the morning.

-We have been in Fiji for two weeks. I'm sure she's dying

to see him.

- This is no time to be selfish, sweetie.

- Uh, a little help?

How insensitive of me. I completely forgot...

her housewarming gift. Thanks, honey.

Jennifer.

Jennifer, someone's at the door.

(Jennifer)

- Hello?

- Hello.

-Hello.

-Vince, I can see you. Let me in.

Hey, you're back from, um, your honeymoon, huh?

Just got back. And you're...

- ..here.

- Yeah. Yeah.

So, uh, what's...? What's new?

Married. What's new with you?

Oh, not much. I-I woke up yesterday and my stomach was

a little upset.

Vince, you tell me about Jennifer.

- Her stomach's fine.

- Stop playing games.

I mean, it looks like you two really hit it off.

Yeah. Yeah, we did. She's great. Great. She, you know, we realised

we had... something in common.

See, I knew it! Jennifer! Is she here?

No. She left.

Oh, she went to work?

Yes. Yes, she did. Work. That's where she went.

She's there working at work. At her job.

That's what she- you know. That's what she does.

That box looks awfully heavy. Can I take that from you?

Huh. You know, I would've thought that she would've moved

her stuff in by now.

I know. I know. It's a very long story, actually, one that

I'm sure she'll love to tell you herself.

Dammit. Um, I have to take this. Can you just give me one

moment, please?

- Hello, Monkey?

- Monkey here.

Monkey? Oh, that is so sweet. Is that Jennifer? Let me talk to her.

No, no, no, no. This- this is my mom.

I call her monkey because of her... face.

It's kind of personal. Can you just give me one moment, please?

- Yeah.

- Thank you. Thank you.

Hey, sorry. Yeah, no, I'm with someone.

I was wondering could I come over personally and talk to you

about my plan?

Yes. Yes. I just got engaged.

No, no, that is the plan. I'm getting married.

You're engaged, Vince? I gotta go. I'll see you later.

No, but this plan is gonna work.

Excuse me. The white one goes in recycling.

Nice day for a walk.

- I thought you said walk.

- Come on, man,

you're getting married. You need the exercise. Besides, it'll

thin your face out for the pictures.

- Did wonders for me.

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