My Favorite Five

1

You are beautiful.

Ooh, you so fine.

I don't normally do this.

Shh.

Don't talk.

Just let the passion

do what it do, baby.

Give me your money!

Oh!

Oh!

- Come on.

- Oh!

- Come on!

- Okay, he's got a gun.

He's got a gun.

Here, take it.

Take... take all of it.

Here.

Here, take this.

Unh-unh! What are you doing?

Hurry up! Come on!

Get off!

What are you doing?!

Hurry up!

- Ow!

- Just give it to...

Hey! Hey!

- Are you crazy?!

- Come on!

- Hey!

- Stop hitting him!

He's gonna kill us.

These are

a $2,000 pair of shoes!

Oh! Are you crazy?!

Show me the gun.

- No!

- What?

- Show me the gun.

- No.

If I take it out,

I'm gonna use it.

- You want me to use it?!

- Yes.

- No, please, don't use it.

- I want you to use it.

- D-don't make me use it.

- No.

I want you to use it.

No, please, don't use it.

I am going to use it!

Use it on her!

What?!

Oh!

I am calling the police.

- Oh, oh! Wait!

- I would like to report

A fool in the alley trying to

rob people with his finger.

Yeah, you better run, mother.

You better run!

That was close, man.

I thought he was gonna kill us.

Hey, where you going?

Thought we were going back

to my place.

Hello, Sybil.

Hi, Rebecca.

Morning.

Look, she keeps

stealing our accounts.

Yeah, I know.

And look.

Here she comes now.

It's time to address it.

Hi, Shelly.

Good morning, miss colburn.

Uh, your messages

are on your desk,

And, uh,

national car rental called.

You left a small package

in the rental,

So I'll have someone pick it up

in a little bit.

- Thank you, Shelly.

- Mm-hmm.

Send them my gratitude.

Oh, and, uh, set up my trip

- for Atlanta next week.

- Okay.

Okay.

Good morning, Rebecca.

Oh, good morning, hailey.

How nice of you to join us.

It's not when you start.

- It's how you finish.

- Rebecca:

And how are you, miss Sybil?

Amazing, as usual.

- Uh, excuse me.

- Yes, Barry?

Yeah, what happened

with Milton's greeting cards?

You know what happened.

We collected his money.

- But that was my account.

- That was never

- your account.

- Well, it was my account,

Till you and your little Charlie's

devils stepped over there in your

Little mini skirts

and halter tops, right?

I don't wear halter tops.

And don't blame me

if you don't know how to close.

Uh, speaking of closing,

where's your dad?

I don't know, just go

find him someplace, ass kisser.

I will.

Right back at you.

Yes?

Hailey, I'd like to see you

In my office

for a moment, please.

On my way.

So, baby, how was Chicago?

Mm.

Chicago... was rewarding.

Is this what I think it is?

Mm-hmm.

Really?

Girl, how did you

ever get him to...

Daddy, you know

you don't want to know.

Yeah.

Jethro Williams.

That man is notorious

for not paying his suppliers.

Wow, we can probably pick up

at least 10 other vendors

From this deal.

I know.

You know, you are amazing.

I may be.

But the truth is,

men are predictable.

Play to their egos,

and you win every time.

Ehh...

Listen,

with that in mind, though,

I've just set up a meeting

with h.Q. Distributors.

If we can recover for them,

Hell, we can take

the next six months off.

Ooh, I like the sound of that.

Who's the mark?

His name

is Christopher Michaels.

He's a c.E.O.

Of a new video-game company.

I make this one,

Everybody

gets an extra Christmas bonus.

Here we go.

Came out

with that shooter game last year

That everybody

went so crazy for,

Then the market turned

and his sales plummeted

And he had to stop production,

Leaving his suppliers

holding their chain.

Promises.

Now, on the other side,

He just got an infusion of cash

from Dakota kimball,

Queen b*tch of wall street.

Seems that she was a friend

of his late mom.

Wow, she inherited the...

The largest exchange

in wall street

- when her husband died.

- Correctamundo.

Now, a little bit

on the up/down side,

We know he has the money,

but he still hasn't paid,

So we have to convince h.Q.

That we can recover for them.

No problem.

You think? Won't be easy.

He owes them over $5 million,

But he needs at least that much

to bring his new game to market.

Daddy, if you knew half as much

As I know about men,

You'd know this money

was practically in the bank.

You bad.

So, they have 17 locations

That we need to close.

All right, let's get started.

Oh, so, what happened

last night?

Ooh.

You don't want to know.

Yes, we do.

Spill it.

I mean, he was beautiful.

Oh, he looked like

a big feral lion.

Yeah, he may have looked

as strong as a lion,

But he had the heart

- of a little baby rabbit.

- What?

I just don't understand.

If I date a good-looking guy,

he's a dog.

If I date an average guy,

he's lame.

If I date a romantic guy,

he's...

He's a punk.

Maybe you want too much.

No! Not possible.

I just want everything

I bring to the table.

- What's wrong with that?

- Sarcasm

- and nymphomania?

- Oh! Rebecca!

I will get on you later.

I'm about to have lunch

with my brother.

Oh, he is so cute.

Tell him "hi."

You know, usually when

you share a meal with someone,

You engage them in conversation.

Oh, my bad, sis.

I'm just updating the grid.

You seem kind of down.

Why is your species

so dysfunctional?

You mean the male gender?

Yes.

No, see, men are very simple.

Feed us, freak us, and need us.

You the complicated ones.

I just want one man... just one.

But whenever I find a guy

that's great in one area,

He sucks in all the others.

You see, that's your problem.

You can't find everything

you need in one person.

Why not?

That's like... needing

the capacity of a minivan

But wanting the sexiness

of a convertible.

Well, I refuse to compromise.

Know what? You shouldn't.

I don't.

Welcome to the grid.

- Mm.

- What is this?

Man has five needs...

Sex, attraction...

No.

Aren't they the same thing?

No, your best sex

may be with somebody

You need to put a bag

over their head.

Then why have sex with them?

Clearly, you are not a man.

Here.

What is this?

It's my new audio book...

"My favorite five."

I'm working on

the female version next.

Really?

- "My favorite five"?

- Yeah.

You're crazy.

You know that, right?

No, am I? Am I crazy?

Okay, why did every primitive

society have multiple partners?

How can one person

be good at everything?

Hailey, you're literally

trying to find perfection

Or only settle for a couple

of your needs being met.

Ah. Mnh-mnh.

But I'm the crazy one, right?

Ew.

I got to go.

You're not gonna pay for lunch?

No. I owe you.

Just like a man.

As homo sapiens,

We were never meant to be

monogamous.

Living in that

abhorrently dysfunctional state

Only keeps us miserable

and underachieved.

After having

your sexual needs met,

And you need to be with someone

Who simply makes you drool,

Next you must find someone

to meet that spiritual need.

This would be your soul mate.

Not sex mate.

That's someone else.

Soul mate.

Hello, ladies.

What can I get for you tonight?

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