My Favorite Martian Page #2

I mean, this thing was huge.

Oh, really? And I thought

you were one of the normal ones!

-I am one of the normal ones, normally.

Ha ha ha.

Nice try, Tim.

You and me, alone on the beach, on

the night of a lunar eclipse, no less.

-I didn't make this up!

-Keep this as a memento

of our last date.

Last date?

We haven't even had our first date!

-Well, consider this both.

-Brace? Brace!

Ahh.

Nurplex.

Ay-yi-yi-yi mmm!

Humans.

-Come on, come on, come on.

-Savages!

-Tim!

-Aaah! Mrs. Brown.

-Too much lipstick?

-Uh, well,

no, no, no, no.

No, it's just that you, uh...

kind of appeared, that's all.

I saved you some

of my special brownies.

Mrs. Brown, brownies. Get it?

-Yes! That's good.

-There you go.

-Thank you very much.

- Did you see the eclipse?

Wasn't it trs magnifique?

-Those French tapes are really

paying off, aren't they?

-Oh, you noticed.

-Thanks for the brownies, Mrs. Brown.

Oh, Tim.

I wanted to remind you...

about the charity rummage sale

this weekend.

If you have anything

you want to donate, leave it

in the garage and I'll pick it up.

Well, trust me, this will be

right on top of the pile.

-Ahh.

-Good night, Mrs. Brown.

One more thing I wanted to tell you,

Tim! Oh, good night, Tim!

I'm havin' a bad night.

I couldn't agree with ya

more completely.

-Shut up.

-How do you do it?

-O'Hara here. Please leave a message.

Make it short.

-Channing here. You're fired.

-Short enough for ya?

What more can I say?

When you're right, you're right!

Hmm.

Stay where you are, little Earth man,

and no harm will come to you.

Say, I wish I'd thought of that!

- Hello?

-What more can I say?

When you're right, you're right!

-Be silent.

-How do you do it?

I thought I told you to shut up.

I couldn't agree with you more-

You leave me no choice.

Who's there?

I got a gun!

Static.

-Hey, buddy. Hey. Hey.

-Hey! -That's it, Earthling!

-It's alive!

Hyah!

Okay, you wanna play games?

-Slide through.

-I must be going... nuts.

One strike, no balls.

Over here, Tiger Woods.

Aaah!

-Hey, look- Jimmy Hoffa.

-Leisure suit from hell!

-I'm gonna...

-Ohh!

mutilate you!

Come on!

Show your face... if you have one.

Where- Where'd he go?

What the heck

was in those brownies?

When dealing with primitive life-forms,

sometimes one must

resort to primitive acts.

-Are you okay, Zoot?

If you don't mind my asking,

where were you?

This alien was trying to kill me!

Don't be such a wet blanket.

Wait a minute.

Leave my mother out of this!

It's your fault we ended up

on this no-good, carbon-based,

-over-oxygenated,

miserable excuse of a-

- Tim?

-Oh, no. It's another one!

I know you're not asleep yet.

Tim, it's Lizzie!

Blotz! It's Lizzie!

What's a Lizzie?

I would say a Model T Ford,

but this one has better tires.

-Ah-ooga! Ah-ooga!

-I know what a woman is,

but what do I do with it?

Help, Mr. Lifeguard, I'm drowning.

I need mouth-to-mouth.

Ugh, saliva exchange.

I would never partake

in such an unsanitary interaction.

There must be some other way

to greet a female and then be rid of it.

-Tim!

If it was me, I'd be he.

-Tim, please.

-Good thinking, Zoot.

Okay, Tim,

I'm picking up the hide-a-key.

-Gonna open the door.

-Tim?

-Lizzie!

My dear friend or family member.

Uh, oh, my gosh.

Oh, inappropriate.

-Oh, boy.

- I told you

they cover their flingdat here.

Lizzie, my dear friend

or family member.

You sound funny.

Are you catching a cold?

A cold, a virus? Yes.

A contagious

bubonic plague. You better leave.

What? What in the world-

Are- Are you a Trekkie?

Uh, yes, I am.

Okay, what's going on?

-What's going on?

-Tim, are you okay?

-You don't seem like yourself.

-Oh, I'm Tim, all right.

-Tim O'Hara, no reason to doubt it.

-Uh, what's going on?

Lots.

-Mmm.

-Mmm.

-Lizzie.

-Yeah?

If you're my sister,

an explanation is in order.

Yeah.

-Does this mean that you and I are-

-Indeed.

-Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have work to do, and you...

-What?

-need...to go.

-Huh?

Wha-

-Human emotions.

-Crazy monkeys.

Welcome, sir.

Where's Coleye?

Examining mucus-type protoplasm.

Hmm. It's saline-based.

Good God, Coleye,

put that on a slide next time.

I want this stuff analyzed

and the cigarette dusted for prints.

-I want to know whose this was.

-There's more, sir.

Quadroped becomes... biped?

It must have taken human form!

The footprints stop at the road.

We think someone

may have picked them up.

Evidence of a crash,

no spaceship and alien

in human form?

It's just like the incident of '64!

Keep your mouth shut, you idiot.

That incident is not only classified,

but it never happened, you got it?

-Yes, sir.

-Once again, we have no alien, no U.F.O.

If you can't get me either one,

then you'd better start

looking for another job.

Well, you heard him! Move it!

It's out there somewhere!

-So, move it! Go! Move!

-Yes, sir!

And God help the poor soul...

who picked him up.

Silence, subculturer!

-Let me down!

-Look what you did to me. Barbarian!

-Let me down!

-As you wish!

For a thief,

you are extremely clumsy.

-Thief? I'm not a thief.

-So I see.

Tim O'Hara.

You are a reporter.

Reporter? No.

I'm a producer, pal!

-Let me tell ya, I- Aaah!

Look, I didn't steal anything, okay?

I don't know what you're talking about.

-All right, all right.

No! No!

Warning, Tim O'Hara. Any attempt

to expose me will be useless.

-I think we use more than ten.

-Your astronauts

pee in their space suits.

Case closed.

Okay. Okay, just-

Whoa!

Okay, it's just a dream.

It's a very bad dream.

Just- Come on.

Wake up. Wake up!

What's with that?

-I believe it's called

a nervous breakdown.

-Last night did not happen.

-I don't believe in aliens.

-I heard that!

To us, you are the alien.

If you must know,

I am from the planet you call Mars.

-And what, I'm from Uranus? I never-

-I was getting to you!

Don't get a crease in your Sputnik.

Please,

just introduce me to monkey boy.

This is my Zoot.

-A polymorphous Zootenex 3,000.

-Just look, don't touch.

-Your suit talks?

- Incessantly.

Corduroys talk,

nobody gives them grief.

- Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.

-Mars? Wait a minute.

There's no life on Mars.

We've sent probes.

I'd try to explain it, but you people

still think "E" equals "MC" squared.

-You're still trying to

analyze our rocks. Ha-ha!

Oh! Blasted sand particles.

They've completely crystallized

the vortex generator.

-Hey, do you mind?

- Tim!

-Now what?

-Thank God, an eyewitness.

-Eyewitness? Negative.

-You must tell no one.

-No offence, but your ship is

double-parked in my living room.

You're the biggest story

in the history of mankind!

There is intelligent life

out there in the universe!

I hope you're not including yourself

in that statement!

Tim, listen, I'm sorry to bother you

so early in the morning,

but I got a hold of your mail,

and I wanted-

Could you just- please, come here.

Take a look at that!

Aaah!

Tim, you definitely need a maid!

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