My Favorite Martian Page #5

when they do open,

not after that little stunt

you pulled yesterday.

-We call that breaking and entering.

Ah, the smell of moist air.

I'll never forget this.

Your ocean!

Ice cream!

This primitive planet

may not compare to Mars,

but it's not the rotten rock

I thought it was.

Don't look now,

but I think we're being followed.

Impossible.

My acute sensory perception...

would have detected that immediately.

Now it's working.

Hey! Hey, buddy!

-What are you doing?

-I've been discovered!

-I'm doomed!

-No, no, no, just calm down.

It's probably

just some tourist or something.

Besides, even if you did get caught,

you'd probably be, you know, welcomed.

Welcomed?

Tim, where do Earthlings put...

their most beautiful

and rare animals?

If I don't get that spaceship fixed,

I'm finished,

just like Neenurt.

Can you fix it?

'Cause I'm dyin' here.

I need a drink, is what I need.

Yeah.

Downy the hatch.

-What was that?

-What in blazes?

-What is it?

Oh, blotz!

Zoot, an I.S.S.!

-Blasted rental!

-Owww! Spin me, mama!

-So nice, so good

Uncle Martin, what are you-

-Tech department.

- Hi, it's me.

-Oh, hi.

-What are you doin'?

Uh, research.

Have you ever got into your head how-

how you felt about somebody,

and then something they said or did

just suddenly changed your mind?

Well, yeah, I-

Could you come over?

Please, I really need to see you.

It's important.

Sure. Could you give me

like a half an hour?

- You're the best, Lizzie.

-Okay, see ya!

Oh, my gosh.

-Martin?

-I'm not like you.

I need more than

twelve seconds of sleep.

All I need is one lousy

electron accelerator...

for a vortex generator.

But can I build it?

No.

You'll do it. You just gotta

give yourself a little time, that's all.

Time! I have no time!

I just discovered

that this blasted rental...

is equipped with an I.S.S.!

-Yeah, what's that?

-Interstellar Safety System.

A detonation mechanism

designed to prevent...

advanced technology

from falling into the wrong hands.

It's timer activates automatically

at the point of a crash.

Okay, wait,

I heard "detonation" somewhere in there.

If I don't take off by 9:00 tonight,

you'll hear a lot more than that.

-Uh, how much more?

-Uh-huh.

-Lublick.

-Uh, you b-

Ahhh!

I know you've done your best

to help me, but it's no use.

Oh, no.

I'm sinking into

a Martian depression.

Sinking? No, no sinking.

Come on, we gotta go fix this thing.

I'm falling apart, Tim.

Oh, no, you're not.

-Come on.

-Yes you are.

-On Mars, when we get depressed,

we literally fall apart!

-Okay, no problem.

Don't move, don't make it

any worse than it already is.

-What we're gonna do is

we're gonna put you back together.

Does it screw in?

It's not-

-Okay, just-aaah! No!

-I wanna go home!

-We're gonna put our heads together-

-Aaaah!

-Coming!

-Who's that?

-It's Lizzie!

-Lizzie? Oh, no.

You wait here.

-Where are you going with those?

-Just tidying up!

Give 'em back! Give me back my arms!

Give me back-

Why do I have to die here?

Hello?

-Yoo-hoo!

-Don't move.

Tim!

Does anything in this room

strike you as odd?

-Tim?

Just a minute!

-Aaah!

-Would you just be quiet?

Coming! Lizzie!

Oh, Br-Br-Brace!

Tim!

Are you decent?

Oh, yeah! Yes, I am. What a surprise!

-Yes, now get lost!

-What did you say?

Uh, I'm lost.

I mean,

I'm at a loss

for how beautiful you look.

Hey, hey, hey, hey-

Now, Tim, I hope you're gonna

let me make it up to you.

Oh, no, you don't have to do that.

I mean, that-

Well, you know, that's up to you.

I mean, if that's-

I brought a little peace offering.

-Where are your wine glasses?

-No, no, no-

That's the bedroom.

No glasses up there.

Oh, well,

maybe I'll get a little tour later.

- Don't miss the bathroom!

-I'm sorry?

I have to go to the bathroom later.

Later.

Um, glasses are in the kitchen.

Why don't I go get them,

and you just...

kind of make yourself at home.

Okay.

-Fantastic apartment, Tim.

-Thank you very much.

-Ah, yeah, there we go.

Oh! What a slob!

Cut it out!

-Hey!

-Yes, let's fall in love

-Ooh!

-Why shouldn't we

-Fall in love

-Mmm, that's the spot.

Let's take a chance

-Ooh, yeah. Mmm.

-Why be afraid of it, ba-ba-doo-day

-Let's close our eyes

And make our own paradise

-Little we know

-Oh, oh, no, harder, like before.

-Ahhh.

-Oh, baby

-Where's the wine?

-Uh, uh-

Why shouldn't

we fall in love

-I'll get it.

-Now is the time for it

While we are young

Let's fall in love

You know, I asked Daddy

about giving you another chance.

Oh, oh, good!

-Here we go.

-Oh, lovely. Thanks.

Hmm. You know, I thought

that crash of yours...

might make a kind of

cute little story.

-Oh, really? Good. That's-

-Mm-hmm.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Cut it out!

-What was that?

-Uh, I didn't hear anything.

Tim, get rid of-

Are you all right?

Yes, I just-

I really have to go to the bathroom.

-Well, hurry back.

-Why shouldn't we fall in love

-Be a minute.

-Now's the time while we're young

Tim!

Get me outta here!

Stop making all that noise!

Tell her to stop punching me!

Besides, what are you doing...

letting that female

in your apartment?

I've been waiting a long time

to get Brace Channing into my apartment.

But you like Lizzie! I could tell

through your saliva exchange.

-Excuse me?

-Look, Tim, the other night,

when you were unconscious,

Lizzie came here.

-And you what, you kissed her?

-Yes- No, no-

Well, you did.

I did a molecular

identiclone of your body.

-What? You what?

-You'd never understand.

You people think E-mail is amazing.

The point is, while I was you,

I tapped into your subconscious,

and trust me, you like Lizzie.

That's why I thought it was okay

for you to kiss her.

I-I-I didn't kiss her, you did!

Bingo!

Tim? I let myself

in the back door.

Hello?

-Oh, isn't this nice?

-Lizzie, is that you?

Oh, you look, um, nice.

He's in the bathroom,

and he's all yours.

I got what I came for.

-Oh, this is great.

-Tim!

-We don't have a lot of time here!

-I'm confused, all right?

-Everything was going along fine

until you came along.

-Don't kid yourself.

Even a substandard species

such as yours has feelings.

Just slow down for one millisecond

and look into your heart.

Whose face do you see?

Look, Brace, I think-

Lizzie!

Whoa!

Lizzie, no, wait, wait-

-No, please!

-This better be good.

Oh, it is. It is.

Uh, remember that guy

I was with at the pier yesterday?

-Your Uncle Martin.

-He's not my uncle.

He's a Martian!

-Yeah.

-You are such a jerk!

-No, no, no. He's a Martian!

It's the truth. In fact,

he's the one who kissed you, not me.

-Really?

-Yeah.

His head's in my sink right now.

-Get some sleep. You look awful.

-Lizzie-

-And if there was anything kinky

on that videotape,

you better get Brace to give it back.

Fine!

Since when did I become a mechanic?

-Do I look like overalls?

Uncle Martin!

- Okay. Don't cut the red one.

-Or was it the blue one? -Ooh!

I can't see a thing down here!

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