My Favorite Martian Page #4

I should listen to my parents

and be a doctor. I hate this!

-Ooh!

-Are we still rolling?

-Nobody said "cut."

-Feeling hot, hot, hot

-What do you think?

I think your bathing suit

should have a top.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

-Felix!

Felix is toast.

If Tim doesn't get here soon,

we could all be looking for work.

Wait here.

What is the meaning

of this divergence?

-I gotta see some friends.

-Negative! Exclamation point.

We're wasting valuable time.

My ship must-

Look at that!

Do you have any idea

how fortunate you are?

The only water we get back on Mars

has to be squeezed from rocks.

-Well, surf's up, dude.

-Tim, I'm so glad you came.

-Hurricane Brace hit again.

-Oh, okay. Uh, Martin?

-I gotta go. I'll be right-

-Lizzie!

How nice to see you again.

-Have we met?

-Of course!

Not. How nice to see you again

for the first time.

I'm Tim's Uncle Martin.

-Oh, I-

-I, uh-

-What was that?

-I must find nourishment.

-That came from your stomach?

-Stomachs.

Oh, he is- He is such a kidder.

Listen, I'll be with you

in couple minutes, okay?

You just- I'll be right over.

Tell her to-

We gotta get you- ah!

Excuse me, could I have

a double dip-

actually, make that a triple dip,

chocolate chip, please.

-Yes, sir.

-Tim, I need nourishment,

not coloured buckets of frozen lard.

Look, this is very

nutritious food here on Earth.

We eat this for breakfast.

Tim, you don't need to try poison

to know that it kills.

Here, take this.

Give me five minutes, okay?

I have to go to the news van.

Blecch!

- Felix!

-I said "preconceptions", I swear!

Preconceptions!

You unprofessional little man!

All you have to do is come up

with the dumb things I say!

-Billy!

-Brace! Brace!

-You'd rate this tantrum?

-About a seven-five on the Brace scale.

-I'll talk to Felix.

-You never told me about your uncle.

Are you-

Look, I'm glad you beeped me. We really

need to talk. This is really big.

-I know.

-You do?

Yes. Look, I've been thinking, and...

our friendship really means a lot to me,

and I don't want to screw that up.

-Okay.

-So I think it would be better...

if we just pretended that nothing

ever happened between us last night.

-What happened last night?

-Exactly!

I'm not sure I understand what-

Me either.

I guess we're both a little confused,

huh, Tim?

-Easy, easy.

I thought you were her. She's terrible,

Tim. How did you last so long?

She's a little high-maintenance,

but she's okay.

-Oh, lust is blind.

-Do we still have that hidden camera

stuff somewhere?

You're sitting on it.

Why?

-Here, let me help you with this.

-Would you please?

-These words are way too big.

-Huh? Humidity?

-Hot.

-Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Wave for everybody!

By God, if I were only 40 years older,

I'd be right there with 'em!

- Miss Channing?

-Hmm?

-Could I have a word with you, please?

-Okay.

I've already signed it.

Come on, who are you guys, huh?

Okay, guys, you're all set.

-Where's Brace?

-I don't know. She took off.

She quit!

And her dad gonna blame me!

Hey, what's going on

over there?

-Uh, Billy, put that in my car.

-I gotta go.

-Call me!

Martin!

-I like it!

-Martin!

Tim, you're here!

You've got to save me from myself!

It's intoxicating.

Ooh, cookie dough!

-I need to get you back to the home!

All they give him there is Jell-O.

There we go.

Cookie dough!

Martian footage, take two.

-Chubby Hubby hangover, huh?

I swear, I'll never

touch that stuff again.

One scoop's too many,

and a million aren't enough!

So, how's it coming, anyway?

Oh, I converted a blow dryer,

two elastic bands...

and an Acme Bug-Away insect bomb...

into a temporary electron accelerator.

-Is it working?

-Not at all, but on the positive side,

your garage is now cockroach-free.

Blasted rental!

-This is a rental, is it?

-My regular ship is in the shop...

for its mid-millennium tune-up.

Where's your, uh, you know,

your suit, Zoot... thing.

Oh ho, washing up.

-Owwww! Spin me, mama!

So nice, so good

Five more minutes, Zoot,

then into the dryer.

You're bringing me down, man!

What I wouldn't give

to shed this grotesque human facade...

and let the cool Earth waters

caress my Martian skin.

-Oh!

-So why don't you?

Why not, indeed?

-Move over, Zoot!

-Martin, I meant-

I meant out in the hot tub, out back.

It would be private, by yourself.

You mean spit out my Nurplex...

and revert to Martian form

right outside your domicile?

-Exactly.

-Oh, do you think that's safe?

Oh, yes, of course it's safe.

-I'll do it!

-Good. Let's go.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

-Tim? Thanks.

-Yeah?

It's just a hot tub, Martin.

No big deal.

I don't mean just that.

I know I must have...

created complete havoc with your

simple life since the moment I arrived.

Anyway, I just wanted to say...

thank you.

Hello!

Hello!

Would somebody please...

come and tell me

what's going on here?

All right, Miss Channing.

Do you know what this is?

This has been

positively identified...

by my team of experts

as your cigarette.

It was discovered

at the site of a U.F.O. crash!

-What?

-And on it are trace elements...

of what we believe

to be alien DNA.

-Alien?

-Oh, don't play dumb with me!

You are an alien...

inhabiting the body of a woman!

A very, very attractive woman.

Oh, please.

Dr Coleye, we've run the tests

on the other cigarette.

It's human DNA.

Oh.

So sorry.

An honest mistake.

So, Miss Channing,

do you have any idea

how alien DNA...

ended up on your cigarette?

I might. First of all,

let's talk about what's in this for me.

The safety of this entire planet

may depend on what you say to me.

There's nothing in it for you!

-Dr Coleye.

May I call you... Doctor?

Think about it.

When this story breaks,

you will be the most

famous scientist in history.

You will be on the cover

of Scientific... whatever.

You will be the man

that proves that aliens exist.

And I will be the woman

who tells the world your story.

We'll do it together.

Okay.

-Tim?

What are you doing up there?

My Uncle Martin's in the hot tub,

and I'm... watching.

Oh.

What a strange family.

You can, uh-

You can sleep here.

-You guys do sleep, don't you?

-Oh, most definitely.

Oh, great.

We have something in common.

You're very kind, Tim O'Hara.

-No, just very tired.

-Ohh, enjoy your rest cycle.

-I'll do the same.

I could use a little shut-eye.

- So could I.

-Rise and shine!

-Yeah, yeah right.

What's on tap for today, Tim O'Hara?

I feel like a million radix.

Hey, it's still tonight.

You've been asleep for 30 seconds.

Thirty seconds?

Wow, I really was tired.

What are we waiting for?

There's a whole metropolis out there

just waiting to be discovered!

No, not in the middle

of the night, there isn't.

I feel like ice cream,

and there's no time like the present.

Hello? Why aren't they open?

-What's wrong with this planet?

-I told you they don't open till 10:00.

-I could be first in line.

-They aren't gonna let you in

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