My Favorite Wife Page #2

- Yes. What are you going to do?

- I don't know, but I hope I'm not too late.

- Is Mr. Arden here?

- Yes, madam?

- Mr. Nicholas Arden?

- No, Mr. Arden hasn't arrived yet.

- Are you the bride, by any chance?

- No.

No, not exactly.

I'll just wait.

- My name is Arden.

- Oh, yes, Mr. Arden. Sorry.

I believe that...

Oh, nothing. Suite A.

- Suite A?

- It's our best.

- I'd rather not, if you don't mind.

- I beg your pardon?

Have you anything else?

Suite C.

I...

I couldn't take that suite A because...

Because I've been here before.

Sorry to keep you waiting, dear.

Nick.

Funny. I thought I...

Silly, silly.

Exciting, isn't it?

- I'll take this, please.

- Yes, ma'am.

Anything else, sir?

- No, no. Here.

- Thank you, sir.

Oh, darling.

- Yes?

- Waiter.

Why, Nicky. How nice.

- Shall I open it, sir?

- By all means.

I didn't order wine.

Must be a mistake.

No mistake, sir.

With the compliments of an old friend.

It's Mumm, 1921.

- I've gotta go down.

- What on earth for?

I've got to find out...

- ...if I can get some change.

- I have loads of change.

Thank you, madam.

- Be right back.

- What?

- No matches. See? No matches.

- Be careful, Nicky, darling.

There's plenty of matches. Look at that.

Plenty of matches.

- I was expecting a call...

- Hello?

Did you ring here? Thank you.

I was expecting a call.

- Is something the matter?

- No, no.

Wait a minute, I have a surprise for you.

- Like?

- Fine, fine.

- Try it on. I've one just like it. They match.

- That's quite an idea.

- Know what I need?

- What?

- A shave.

- What?

- I'll go to the barber.

- You don't need a shave.

- Your skin's smooth as a baby's.

- I feel like an ape.

- I don't mind.

- Well, I don't feel right unless I shave.

You could shave yourself. I'd love to watch.

Remember Victoria always watched Albert?

- Albert who?

- Prince Albert and Queen Victoria, silly.

Oh, well, he didn't hack himself to pieces

the way I do.

- I'll go to the barber's.

- Don't be long.

Right back.

Ellen.

That's all I wanted to know.

Excuse me, folks.

There's a state law that don't allow

necking in barrooms.

Oh, yes.

- Look, let's go somewhere we can talk.

- Where?

- Well, let's go to your room.

- Haven't got a room.

Oh, well, I'll get you one, huh?

- Yes?

- I'd like to have another room.

Why, certainly, sir.

Yeah. Thank you very much.

- Is suite A available?

- Suite A?

- Yeah.

- Yes, suite A.

Front, suite A.

Have you any luggage, Miss...?

Oh, yes. I have a ticket right here,

if you will just send for it.

- It's at the airport.

- Airport.

- Thank you.

- Very much.

What a man.

Hello, operator.

Will you please page Mr. Arden?

Calling Mr. Arden.

Calling Mr. Arden.

Calling Mr. Arden.

Yes? Yes.

Mr. Arden?

Yes, he's here. It's for you.

Guess who.

- Hello?

- Mr. Arden, if you're free...

...Mrs. Arden would like to see you.

Now, look here, my good...

All right.

What's the matter, Nick?

Bride wondering where you are?

You'll have to face it, you know.

Yes, I know.

- What am I gonna say?

- That depends on what you feel.

- I wanna do the right thing by everybody.

- All right. Go ahead.

Not as easy as all that.

You see, Bianca's very sensitive.

She's high-strung.

- Oh, one of those.

- This is gonna be a horrible shock.

Think of her position.

How will she face her family, her friends?

Are you in love with her?

You must have told her you were.

- Didn't you?

- Well...

- Sure, you did.

- All right. Sure, I did.

- How could you?

- Well, I thought you... I didn't know.

- The minute my back was turned.

- Minute?

Oh, Nick. Look at you.

Now, don't kid, honey. It's too serious.

No, no. I'll get it.

It's for me. It's for me.

- Hello?

- Mr. Arden.

We don't like to interfere with

our guests' privacy.

They mind their own business,

and we mind ours.

But your wife, Mr. Arden,

is calling for you again.

Well, tell my wife I'll be right up.

I'm still being shaved.

You know, I've got a feeling

you're enjoying my misery.

Did you think she'd be a good mother?

- Was that why you were attracted to her?

- That's it.

- She'd be good for the kids.

- Of course.

Of course. I can understand that.

- Oh, you don't believe me, huh?

- I didn't say that. I'm just facing facts.

You love this woman enough

to ask her to be your wife...

...and the mother of my children.

That takes a lot of love.

You sure you don't love her?

When I saw you downstairs, I knew...

Oh, go on. I bet you say that

to all your wives.

- I could strangle you.

- Hey, that's a way out.

Well, I just can't barge in and say,

"Sorry, my mistake. Marriage is off." Can I?

What am I, a dope?

- Look.

- What?

Let's try something like this.

I'll be... What was that name?

- Bianca.

- Bianca.

All right, I'm Bianca.

Now, you come in.

Come on, come in.

- You. Come in.

- All right, I'm in.

Yeah. Now, say something.

- Hello, Bianca.

- Oh, that's good.

Now, she'll say, "Hello, darling.

- Really, you've been a terribly long time."

- She doesn't talk like that.

What's the difference? And then she'll say,

"Darling, aren't you going to kiss me?"

Well, come on. Come on.

- This is silly.

- Well, do it. Do it. Do it anyway.

- Come on. Do it.

- All right.

Do it. No, I mean,

do it from the beginning.

Go out and come in again.

If you're gonna do it right, you may as well.

- I'll play if it'll make you happy.

- Now, you're in.

- I'm in again.

- And I say, "Aren't you going to kiss me?"

All right. I'm just gonna kiss.

Was that for Bianca?

Madam's luggage.

- Could I see you a moment?

- Sure.

Excuse me, dear.

We run a first-class hotel, Mr. Arden.

And we don't like to be made

a party to an intrigue.

We've maintained a reputation

for respectability for 33 years.

And we don't intend to lose it in one night.

My reputation for respectability

is just as high as your hotel's.

And don't forget mine.

It's a very simple situation, mister.

Explain it to him, Nick.

All right, I will.

Now, I came up here with my wife...

My bride, really.

Now, my wife...

Not my bride, my wife...

- Why should I bore you with the details?

- I won't be bored.

Listen. Now, it's as simple as ABC.

Don't tell me you've got somebody in B.

- You better go, Nick.

- If you please.

- I'll be back.

- I'm afraid not, Mr. Arden.

- Now...

- Goodbye, Nick.

- Locked.

- I have a passkey.

Passkey, huh?

People think of everything, huh? Passkey.

- No hard feelings?

- No, no, no.

Relax.

Nick, is that you?

I'll be right out, darling.

Nick?

You remember when we first arrived?

And I got in the elevator, and the door

was closing like that? Well, that's when...

Well, that's when I first noticed it, Bianca.

Now, Bianca, this is the situation.

Now, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

Oh, that's no good.

Start all over again.

Now, Bianca...

Now, Bianca, this is the situation.

Something's come up. My wife. Yeah.

Truth is stranger than fiction.

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