My Friend Dahmer Page #5

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I'm not getting... I'm

not getting heated.

I'm just saying,

whose lawyer are you?

Aren't you supposed

to be representing me?

No.

Ok.

So if he has the

house then I get Dave.

Go on, go.

Get!

Go!

Get!

Just talk to

your dad before you

spend the day with him, ok?

So just... this is what you

want to surprise me with?

You know

what's not a surprise?

The face that you're

45 minutes late.

- That's not a surprise.

- I'm not leaving the kids.

You know the kids.

Oh that's right, you

don't know about the kids

because you're not

at home anymore.

What is this, some big surprise?

What do you think you want

me to do with these, huh?

What do you want me to do?

What do you want me to do?

You want custody of

David, is that right?

Stay in the car.

Give it to me.

I don't give a sh*t.

Hey, hey, hey.

Private issue.

Excuse me, sir.

Boys, just come

out of the car, please.

Jeffrey, come on.

Too late.

Ok.

All right.

Ok, all right.

All right.

Ok.

Now I remember.

Hey, man

how are you doing?

Well, would you lookie here,

the rah rah bender extreme.

Yeah, what else do

you think we'd be doing?

Lightweights?

Be home playing snare

drum or something.

It's no more active than

standing on the sidelines.

Good one.

You're all right for a turd.

Where's your

mascot, dumb dahmer?

He's not here.

What are you gonna be

a prom date, bekderkf?

No, but your mom might.

She can fit in a prom dress.

Dahmer's like your

little court Jester.

Except he's not hanging out

with you guys much anymore,

now is he.

The fan club still lives on.

Really?

Cause it looks like

he ditched you.

We'll get him to show up

for what?

He's doing a rocking

command performance.

Yeah, he'll ante up for sure.

I doubt it.

But really we should...

we should get him

to spazz to the Max.

Yeah, but derf, he hasn't

spazzed in, like, weeks.

I don't think he's into...

yeah but what about...

I have 5 bucks, I can pay him.

I mean, it gets him

out on a Saturday.

Ok I'm in.

Come on that will be so killer.

- $5.

That'll be killer.

$5

hey, Jeff.

Hey.

So.

Dahmer fanclub has a new idea.

Basically, we're going

to go to the mall,

and you're going to

spazz like crazy.

Just the craziest spazz...

why don't you just

leave him alone.

He's not a sideshow attraction.

Leave him alone?

It's gonna be fun.

I have about $32 for

you, but by Saturday I

will probably have a ton more.

So take it, and this can be like

your final command performance.

It's gonna be totally awesome.

We're gonna go out in style.

You in?

Awesome.

You excited?

Mmhmm, yeah.

Awesome yes!

So, is coming?

Uh, yeah.

He said he was.

How about burowski

and gunsler?

Oh, burowski's...

burowski didn't pay.

Um, but gunsler

said he was coming.

Jeez, dahmer.

Never seen you drink

like that before.

Here I am.

Where are we

meeting these idiots?

Um, we're going to meet them

by the lockers at fatties.

Ok, about time.

Sorry guys.

Money?

You've got money, money, money?

Thank you for coming.

Here we go.

Cash, cash, cash, cash.

All right, that's about $15.

Not bad.

All right, let's get

this show on the road.

All right.

I now present to you, Jeff.

Jeffrey.

For this, I'm Jeffrey.

Ok.

Then I present to

you, Jeffrey dahmer,

in his command performance.

Gladly.

Hey man.

Get off me, man.

It's just my medicine.

It's just medicine.

I'm so hungry!

Hey!

Hey kid.

Get out.

Out.

Leave.

Here I am!

That was awesome.

Oh, hi honey.

Hey, guess what?

The divorce is final.

Your dad got the house.

I gotta go to grandma's

with your brother,

but I need you not to tell

your dad that we're going.

Ok, can I count on you to...

to not tell your

dad that I'm going?

For me.

I won't.

Dead animals probably

turn up all the time.

No, this was a

specific incident.

It was creepy.

And you know what...

it's not creepy.

I bet it was a

coh-ven of witches.

- Coven.

- You mean a coven?

- It's coven?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Whatever.

There's been a reported

rise in satanic witch cults.

According to what?

According to who?

What?

Where?

Everyone.

All right, you know

what you should do?

You should get one

of the witch cults

to wish in their cauldron

to get you a prom date.

Piss off.

Hey dahmer, Mike's

looking for a prom date.

Oh yeah, and derf's planning

to put you up for prom king.

No I'm not.

It doesn't matter.

There isn't a girl within

50 miles of the place who

would go to prom with dahmer.

No?

Bridget.

Hello.

Hi.

I know we don't

know each other too well...

not really.

Um.

I heard your friend, um,

Margaret was going to the prom?

Yeah,

with Bryan gunsler.

They're friends from debate.

What are you

doing Saturday?

Some final

papers are due.

Well, do you

want to go to prom?

Oh, with who?

Me.

Oh, um, I don't know.

You can go with me

but spend the time with her.

I don't think that's

a very good idea.

Why?

Look, I'm going

to be late for class, so...

it will be fun.

You're not

going to be weird or...

drink?

No, I won't.

Look.

A lot of upperclassmen

don't know who you are.

But if you to go to the

prom, you will be way

ahead of most of your class.

You want to seem normal, right?

I guess.

A lot of freshmen

just want to be asked.

So it's totally normal

that I thought of you.

I don't know.

Just let me think about it?

I'll talk to my parents.

Ok.

Oh, ok.

Just stand in front of

the backdrop for me.

You guys are my

last ones tonight.

Get closer.

Don't be scared, she's

not going to bite.

And smile.

Oh, look who showed.

Unbelievable.

What is?

Just look.

Thank you.

That was sweet.

I tried.

Can you get us a drink?

Dahmer.

Hey.

It's good to see you here.

Hey, Neil.

Hey, I just

wanted to apologize

for what happened at the mall.

- You weren't there.

- I know.

I couldn't... you know, you

didn't have to do that.

It wasn't bad.

Yeah?

I don't know.

I just...

Neil.

I'm sorry.

You're supposed to

put your hands around my waist.

Hi, derf.

Hey.

Hi, I'm penny.

Um, Bridget.

Congrats.

On what?

We made it.

Oh yeah, right.

I have to pee.

Oh, ok.

Where are you going?

We're going to grandma's.

Today?

You're going to

miss my graduation.

Can I go?

Sweetie, we're not

going to the graduation,

we're going to grandma's.

Honey, your dad's

going to be there,

we can't be in the same room.

You know that.

Hugsies?

Come on.

Oh, wow not even

when I'm going, huh?

Come on, good day.

Keep the smiles on.

Hey baby, put this out for mama.

Take car of your dad, ok?

Smiles up!

Did you hide the keys?

No.

Got them!

Bye honey!

Bye Jeff.

Bye Dave.

Love you, baby!

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Congratulations.

Oh and Jeff...

she's all yours now.

I'm proud of you kid.

Hey.

Mom, I got to go to the grocery

store and pick some stuff up.

Well, honey, I'm about to put

your favorite Hawaiian chicken

in the oven.

Oh.

Well I've got to pick

up my last paycheck.

All right, well

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