MY GIRL Page #2

Vada begins to sing doo-wah-diddy-diddy, Arthur joins in

HARRY:

(annoyed)

VADA!

VADA:

Dad?

HARRY:

I'm embalming my high school teacher, don't

sing.

(beat)

All right Arthur, just a slide of the

needle.....

(fades out as Vada climbs

stairs)

Vada climbs stairs and stops to read patient note, CAUSE OF

DEATH - CANCER OF PROSTATE

HARRY:

(to corpse)

One nice model C-501 bronze stainless eternal

journey, yeah, you look like a champion.

OUTSIDE SULTENFUSS' HOUSE DAY, STRANGE WOMAN GETS OUT OF

CAMPER, WALKS UP TO DOOR AND RINGS BELL, VADA ANSWERS

STRANGER:

Is Mr. Harry Sultenfuss in?

VADA:

Sure, come on in.

Vada and strange woman make their way to a desk in the

foyer, and sit down

So, have you had the unfortunate experience

of recently losing a loved one?

STRANGER:

(puzzled look)

Could I see your Dad, just for a second?

Vada runs across to call downstairs

VADA:

DAD, SOMEBODY'S HERE!!

Vada runs back to the desk

He's downstairs working on Mr. Layton.

Prostate Cancer. Once it hits your prostate,

you're a goner.

STRANGER:

Oh.

Harry enters

HARRY:

How may I... Help you?

STRANGER:

I'm Shelly devoto. We spoke, the other day

regarding the make up artist job.

HARRY:

Oh yes.

SHELLY:

It's still available I hope?

HARRY:

I think it's still available.

SHELLY:

I'm a licensed cosmetologist, I worked for

two years, at the "Dino Raphael" Salon, all my

customers cried when I told them I was

leaving.

HARRY:

Uhh, Miss devoto...

SHELLY:

I have a wonderful disposition, I put people

right at ease.

HARRY:

Uhh, Miss devoto, these people are already at

ease. This is not a Beauty Parlor, it's a

Funeral Parlor.

SHELLY:

They're dead?

HARRY:

Yes they are.

SHELLY:

Stiffs??

HARRY:

(for want of a better word)

Deceased.

SHELLY:

The add just said "Makeup Artist"

Doorbell rings

HARRY:

Ahh, excuse me a second will you?

(opens door)

Hi George, this is a twelve-fifty-eight, I

didn't want the burnished handles.

(door closes off scene)

Vada looks out the window at Shelly's camper

VADA:

Is that your camper?

SHELLY:

Yes it is.

VADA:

That's really cool.

Grammoo walks past in a fixed stare

SHELLY:

(to Grammoo)

Hello.

Grammoo keeps walking as if she hadn't heard

VADA:

She's shy.

SHELLY:

Oh.

Harry is standing at the door directing the men with the

coffin

HARRY:

Just put it back in the display room fellers.

MEN:

Okay Harry.

The men move off, Vada walks over to Harry

VADA:

Daddy, how come that coffin's so small?

HARRY:

They come in all sizes honey, just like

shoes.

VADA:

Is it for a child?

Harry hesitates

HARRY:

Of course not.

VADA:

Then who's it for?

Small pause while Harry thinks of a reply

HARRY:

Short people, very short people.

Shelly walks over to Harry

SHELLY:

Excuse me, what about the job?

HARRY:

Pardon?

SHELLY:

I need the job.

HARRY:

Oh, You still want it? Even though uhh...

SHELLY:

Ohh, oh sure it's no big deal, you see all my

former clients will eventually die, and all

your clients used to be alive, so they have

something in common.

HARRY:

You'd be doing hair and makeup and answering

the phone.

SHELLY:

Okay Mr. Sultenfuss, you got a deal.

HARRY:

Great, you can start right away. Call me

Harry. Now, umm, is this what you'd normally

wear for work? Don't get me wrong, I like it,

very much, but the....

SHELLY:

I promise i'll take good care of these

people, they deserve it, they're dead, all

they've got left is their looks.

Harry and Vada exchange weird looks

OUTSIDE SHOPPING MALL-AREA DAY

Vada and Thomas J are riding their bikes through town

THOMAS J:

Hey look at this, no feet!

VADA:

Oh wow, a real evil canieval.

Vada and Thomas J ride up through a garage

PSYCHO MECHANIC:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY GARAGE, GET

OUTTA HERE!!!

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