My Last 5 Girlfriends Page #5

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on a holiday camp,

called Giles.

We ended up walking

around this lake together.

Do you want to sit down?

It was like the first time

that I'd held a boy's hand.

I got really emotional,

and for some reason,

I decided to tell him that.

This is the best thing

that's ever happened to me.

Which turned out to be a big mistake.

Gemma loves Giles! Gemma loves Giles!

I don't trust words.

They always spoil things.

Maybe a pullover

was enough of a sign of love.

A message in knitwear code.

But even if I told her,

would she actually know what I meant?

Come to think of it,

does anyone know what love means?

If I told Gemma

that I had a stomach ache,

a red car

or a bunch of daffodils,

then I know she would understand.

More or less.

Naturally, our perceptions

might differ slightly.

But love is so ambiguous that it could

mean completely different things to us.

Some people would

never have fallen in love

if they had not heard of love.

He could be right.

Who's to say there's any such thing

as love in the first place.

For instance, the Manu tribe of New

Guinea don't even have a word for it.

And the Chinese traditionally

have scant regard

for romantic love in their culture.

Nevertheless, the manager

of our local Chinese restaurant

was delighted to take our booking.

Maybe the feeling in my stomach

wasn't love at all,

but a viral infection.

Or food poisoning.

Or a coronary attack.

S.M. Greenfield, in an article

in Sociological Quarterly,

writes that love is kept alive

by modern capitalism

only in order to...

Motivate individuals where there is

no other means of motivating them,

to occupy the positions

husband-wife and wife-mother

and form nuclear families

that are essential

not only for reproduction

and socialisation

but also to maintain

the existing arrangement

for distributing consumer goods

and services,

and in general,

to keep the social system

in proper working order,

and thus maintaining it

as a going concern.

In the end, I decided that a card

featuring cats and dogs

on a bicycle wasn't the best place

to first declare my love.

I would do it properly.

I would tell her myself.

Oh, God, I feel so much better.

I must have been starving.

I've been so depressed all day.

Why?

Because I have this thing

about birthdays.

They always remind me of death

and forced jollity.

- Know where I was this time last year?

- No, where?

Being taken out to dinner

by my horrible aunt.

It was, like, awful.

I kept having

to go to the bathroom to cry.

I was so upset that it was my birthday

and the only one who'd invited me out

was my aunt,

who couldn't stop telling me she didn't

understand how a nice girl like me

didn't have a man in her life.

It's probably not a bad thing

that I ran into you.

There was my chance.

But itjust seemed too obvious.

- Too corny to say...

- I love you.

The words had lost their power,

worn out by a million soap operas.

- I love you.

- I love you.

I love you.

But I was determined to say something,

so I cowardly turned

to alcohol for help.

Until, at quarter to 12,

I found myself staring at a

complimentary miniature marshmallow.

And for some reason it seemed to

perfectly sum up

how I felt about Gemma.

I've something

very important to tell you.

OK.

It's very important.

Yes?

Are you ready?

Yeah.

I marshmallow you.

That's the sweetest thing anyone

has ever said to me.

I think she understood.

By the way,

she was delighted with the jumper.

But I should have got the purple one.

The thing about declaring

your love for someone

is from that point on,

everything changes.

For me, everything

seemed so much clearer.

For Gemma...

Isn't it wonderful?

- Isn't it?

- But is it?

Shush, don't spoil it.

No, you're right, it is wonderful.

I couldn't have imagined

a place like this existing.

It seems cut off from everything, like

a paradise no one's bothered to ruin.

I could spend the rest of my life here.

So could I.

We could live here together.

I'd tend to the goats,

you'd handle the olives,

we'd write books, paint and...

Are you all right?

Yeah.

I am now.

I don't know what happened.

I just got this terrible pain

in my head,

it was like an awful throbbing

or something.

It's probably nothing.

- No! Sh*t!

- Let me feel.

No, Duncan! You're not gonna

feel anything. It's inside.

- I know, but I'll empathise.

- God.

I better go inside and lie down.

It's probably just the height

or the travelling or something.

I'll go inside.

You stay out here. I'll be fine.

In actual fact,

Gemma had a habit of doing this.

She seemed incapable

of enjoying pleasurable experiences

as they happened.

A couple of weeks ago,

we'd spent the afternoon

on my work partner Will's house boat.

Our friends were there, the food was

delicious, Gemma looked beautiful.

But for some reason,

she had to find fault.

- Are you cold?

- No, no, I'm all right.

Have you seen my shoes?

Yes!

We'd both been looking forward

to the meal for weeks.

- On the way home, she'd told me...

- That was lovely.

But at the time,

she just couldn't accept it.

It was like she could only enjoy things

in anticipation or as memories.

I don't know what it is, Will.

I just can't quite

put my finger on it.

Don't worry.

It's bound to go through phases.

I just feel like something is wrong.

I don't know what,

but since we came back from Spain,

I've been noticing things.

I don't just mean in the bedroom.

I mean everywhere.

Like?

Nothing I can put my finger on directly.

All right, here's one thing.

She likes a different cereal from me.

But because I spend

a lot of time at her place,

she usually buys the cereal I like

so we can eat breakfast together.

Then all of a sudden last week

she stops buying it and says...

It's far too expensive.

I don't want to come to any

conclusions, I'm just noticing.

- Hey!

- So which parts of these designs

- are yours then, Will?

- Well, really it's a collaboration.

Don't be so modest.

I know you did all the interior design.

I love the way

you've used brick and metal.

Why can't you do more stuff like that?

Well, my work is more structural.

It's not quite so obvious.

Well I think Will's work is great.

Incredible, in fact.

- I'm so glad I've seen it.

- It's great to hear you say so.

No, I am so impressed.

Your work is exactly

the kind of thing I'm interested in.

It's such a pity that more architects

aren't trying to do what you're doing.

- I imagine it can't be easy.

- It's not that easy.

But I've always been taught

to go with the things I believe in.

I work on projects that emit

a sort of energy from them.

Yeah, I think I see what you mean.

I was working on a project

in Monterey, and I mean,

there you can really get a sense of what

you can achieve by using different sorts

of stone as well as some steel

and aluminium,

about working with the landscape

instead of against it.

- Don't you think we better be...?

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