My Life as a Dog

I should have told her everything.

Mom loved stories like that.

MY LIFE AS A DOG

It's not so bad if you think about it.

It could have been worse.

Just think how that poor guy ended up

who got a new kidney in Boston.

He got his name in all the papers,

but he died just the same.

And what about Laika, the space dog?

They put her in a Sputnik

and sent her into space.

They attached wires to her heart

and brain to see how she felt.

I don't think she felt so good.

She spun around up there for five months

until her doggy bag was empty.

She starved to death.

It's important to have something

like that to compare things to.

Ingemar, open the door now.

Come on.

Ingemar, this is not funny.

Open up now, Ingemar.

He can't be in there.

You know about it, eh?

I'm sorry, but I couIdn't tell you.

I just couIdn't.

I think about that woman

who went to Ethiopia

to be a missionary.

They beat her to death with clubs

right while she was preaching.

You have to compare all the time.

LittIe Frog!

I did it.

Let's see.

- Stick out your tongue.

- No. I don't want to.

- Yes, you have to.

- No. I changed my mind.

Yes, out with your tongue.

Further!

Mix it!

Good. Now we're married.

She had to marry

a man from the south.

Is it good?

Yeah. Six hundred pages.

Mom read it through in three days.

She sort of reads. She photographs

each page with one glance: "cIick".

And that's it.

I've been reading it for a week

and I'm only on page 30.

Funny, fighting a war

when they're from the same country.

Come on, l'lI show you.

It's reaI easy.

GirIs have a sort of bottIe inside.

Just Iike a bottle.

It's Iike upside-down inside them.

It Iooks about Iike this.

This is what it's Iike inside a girI,

between her Iegs.

And you have to stick it in

and shoot up at this IittIe thing.

And then there'll be a baby.

Come on, l'lI show you.

No.

Ingemar, come here a minute.

Everybody understands now?

This is how it works.

Ouch!

Cut it out!

It's stuck!

Ow! It hurts.

Watch it!

If kids do this to each other,

it can really get stuck!

Can I help?

No, thanks.

Why do you do these things?

- What?

- Like in the cellar just now.

It wasn't me.

Oh, why do you do it?

I don't know.

I guess it's menopause.

Mom.

Go away!

l think about that guy

who saw a Tarzan movie.

He grabbed a high-voltage wire

to swing on and feIl dead on the spot.

You should never think you're Tarzan.

Get up!

You overslept, for God's sake!

What the hell have you done?

Shut up!

- You have to make breakfast.

- l'm making it now.

Don't mention this.

Promise.

If you don't, you can borrow

my rifle sometime. Okay?

Hi.

Is it good?

What is it now?

Drink properIy, Ingemar.

Drink!

Do it!

Careful, you'Il spill it!

Drink!

Watch out!

Come on!

Mom! He's done it again!

What's going on here?

Any idea?

What?

I should have told her everything

whiIe she stiIl had her strength.

Stories from life.

Mom really loved those.

She collected them.

You have to have something to tell her.

I like it when she laughs.

Then she puts her book down.

The problem is, she reads a lot.

lt's good if you can get her

to think about something else.

Good girI, Sickan.

I think I love Sickan

as much as Mom.

Mom was a photographer

before she got sick.

Then we came. She had to quit.

Mom!

CIose the door!

It could have been worse.

It's important to remember that.

Just think about that train wreck

l read about.

A train ran right

into a railcar at Glycksbo.

Six peopIe were kiIled

and fourteen injured.

Just as a comparison.

Ingemar!

You have to watch out

for those railcars.

It could have been me.

Have you read this?

Your mother writes so strange.

No, she doesn't.

You know what a graphoIogist is?

- No.

Handwriting expert.

They can tell things from handwriting.

- You know what that means?

- No.

That she's intelligent

and has a sense of humor.

Oh?

Well, I can't read it aIl the same.

- What's next?

- A tablespoon of sugar.

Sickan. Good-bye.

Don't you dare!

What are you doing?

Give me that gun!

He was aiming at Sickan.

I said give me the gun!

Move!

I said move!

Watch the carpet!

Stop!

You're driving me crazy! Idiots!

Why don't you do what l say?

Open the door!

You damned brats!

Mom, caIm down.

PIease caIm down.

- Can't you hear me? Open up!

- Go back to bed, Mom.

If I hadn't closed the window,

sociaI services would have come.

Yes, they would have.

It sounded terribIe.

- Come on. First one home!

- Okay.

Wait.

I won.

They dug up Erik the XIV.

Come and Iie down.

He died of arsenic poisoning.

There's proof.

Come on now.

I've undressed.

Imagine, being poisoned with arsenic.

Come on now, hurry up.

So there you are!

What the hell are you up to?

Wait, I want to taIk to you!

Goddamn it!

What the hell is this?

Stop, you!

Stop, l say!

Just wait till your mother

hears about this!

Shut up, Sickan.

We'lI live here now.

Mom has to have some peace for a whiIe,

or we're IiabIe to kill her.

You don't want that, do you?

You cold?

Yeah, you're coId.

Nice, eh?

No.

No, damn!

Shut up, Sickan!

Damn it! Shut up!

HeIp!

Mom.

What would you Iike for dinner?

I can make some pancakes.

Your mother's very weak.

You have to try to understand.

She has to have a little peace and quiet,

or she will never get well.

If she can just be by herseIf

over the summer at Ieast.

Just not to Solbacken again.

I won't go there.

We'll see. Your mother

will have to decide that.

It's your goddamn fauIt.

Away again.

Nice going.

At Ieast you don't have to go

to the chiIdren's home this time.

Where's your dad?

I don't know.

Somewhere on the Equator, I think.

What's he doing there?

Loading bananas.

I think he should be here

Iooking after you.

Yes. Fathers are

responsibIe, too.

What would happen to the bananas?

Somebody has to Ioad them.

Somebody eIse can do it.

But who?

Who'lI Iook after the bananas?

Anyway, I'll miss you.

It's very practical, see.

You make a note

of everything that's yours.

Then you're on the safe side.

Next time you just tick them off.

I learned that as a child.

Three pairs of shorts.

Write that down.

What more does he need?

Rain jacket. Out in the haIl.

Mom, can't I take Sickan with me?

I toId you, your uncIe

can't take care of a dog.

Why not?

- Did you write down "raincoat"?

- PIease, Mom.

HeIp Mr. Sandberg pack now.

Don't bother your mother.

Raincoat!

- I'm not going to any uncIe!

- Shut up, for God's sake!

- I won't. l won't. I won't.

- Stop that. Shut up!

Damned fooI!

Where is that kenneI?

A IittIe ways out of town.

- Is it a good kenneI?

- Sure.

What if she doesn't like it there?

Why wouIdn't she?

Your train's here, Erik.

Bye, then.

Bye. Say hello to Grandma.

Yeah. See you.

Come on, Ingemar!

lt really bothers me

when I think of that poor dog Laika.

Terrible, sending a dog up

in a space ship without enough food.

She had to do it for human progress.

She didn't ask to go.

- Ingemar?

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