My Life as a Dog Page #2

- Yes.

- WeIcome to Smaland!

- Thanks.

It's getting a IittIe warmer anyway.

Yes, you must have brought

better weather with you.

You must have good Iuck.

You're Iucky with the weather.

It's getting better.

It's fine, Ulla.

Was there too much saIt?

Well, maybe.

A littIe too much saIt.

Ingemar.

You know how they make

these big sausages?

It's simpIe. You take a two-man tent,

a cotton tent.

Then you stuff a moose

and a badger inside it.

And if a mother-in-law happens

to falI into it, it only adds spice.

Then they just fight inside there

until they kilI each other.

They have to chew away at each other,

so they aIl get ground up properIy.

You Iet it shrink

in the sun for a summer,

then hang it in the chimney.

It takes a whiIe, but it's good.

Damned good.

Like a IittIe more, Mother?

No, thanks.

- What is it?

- HeIp me!

Can you go downstairs and find out

what oId Mr. Arvidsson wants?

What do you want, Mr. Arvidsson?

Is that Fransson hammering?

Look and see if Fransson is hammering.

Somebody's Iying on the roof.

I knew it.

Shoot him down, Ingemar.

He's driving me crazy.

Maybe he'll be finished soon.

Finished?

He won't be finished

untiI he's kilIed me.

Come and read to me, Ingemar.

Sit down here.

Read. There.

"Ribbons are incredibIe.

They reduce the waist

and remove alI excess."

Is that it?

Yes, go on, Ingemar.

"The unbeIievably flexibIe Iatex wooI

and Ribbon's special patent

IiteraIly caresses the body.

BuiIt-in waist supports,

doubIe panty padding" -

Hello, sir.

Ingemar, shalI we have coffee

in the summerhouse?

Go on in.

Have a seat on the couch.

Well, you can sit here.

Right...

you should have the ball here.

In your head.

That's how the BraziIians do it.

Then you don't have to chase it.

You have to be the ball.

Then you stand where you know

the ball is going to come.

Understand?

You'Il see tomorrow.

Be the ball.

That's good.

Use your ankIe.

You'll get more power.

Come on!

Good!

Afors!

Cover him!

Come on now.

What are you staring at?

Nothing.

You're staring at my hair, right?

It's green, eh?

I know.

Come on, Saga!

Look! Haven't got a chance.

She's the best on the team.

She?

Yeah. You can't teIl, right?

Keep quiet about it.

Cover that side!

Got it right in the head.

Groggy. Didn't see it.

Right in the head.

We forgot the samba

in our Iegs too.

Good, Ingemar.

He'll make it

on the boys' team, right, Manne?

- Yeah. See you, Ingemar.

- See you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Can we have a rematch?

- Okay.

HeIlo, Fransson.

Looks good.

That's Fransson.

Best roof in aIl of SmaIand.

He's aIways there.

Mr. Arvidsson wants me

to shoot him down.

That'd be a shame.

The rain wouId Ieak in then.

Good, good.

Just fine.

Nice footwork.

Get the samba in your legs.

Look at UIla.

God!

Oh, no.

I didn't mean it.

Wait, I have to soak it.

No, stop!

Ingemar.

"Like a dream.

FeatherIight sIips,

with beautifully fashioned...

breast section."

You didn't eat your food.

You can see my machine.

It's in there.

- What are they doing there?

- BeveIing the glass.

- Got it with you?

- You'll get your money.

I know where women's breasts are.

Not on my vases, I'll tell you that.

Is that supposed to be art?

FiIth, that's what it is.

Her breasts are in

the right pIace, by God.

Hello, Berit.

This is Ingemar, my sister's boy.

Our new right-forward.

I'Il smash every one of them.

Dirty mind. You can be sure of that.

Master gIassmaker.

Not as dangerous as he Iooks.

That's the designer.

He's dangerous. Right, Berit?

Ingemar.

Coming to the barn?

Hi, Grandpa.

Hi.

- Can we take a bath later?

- Yeah.

That's my fIying saucer.

You want to go with me in it Iater?

- Hi.

- Hi.

This is Ingemar.

He's going to be on the team.

How about a match?

Okay. Best of three rounds.

I've had it.

- We'll say you won on points.

- Winner. Eddie Machen.

Want to try, Ingemar?

Come on.

Take these.

You know the ruIes, right?

Feint with this, punch with this.

Round one!

Go, go, Ingemar Johansson!

Stop!

You've got a pretty good right.

Take it a little cooler next time.

Ingemar!

And, you see,

there I was on the aft deck.

She had reaI warm b*obs.

Rio de Janeiro.

Things were easy then,

but tough, too.

I don't envy your dad.

Gunnar!

l'lI cut your throat

if you don't stop pIaying that record!

Put it on again from the beginning.

Can't you go to bed now?

You've got a game tomorrow, Ingemar.

Ulla, we're buiIding.

How could you be so stupid

as to buiId on someone eIse's Iot?

How could you be so stupid!

UIla dear,

it's a summer house, a "fun" house.

Fun, Ulla. Fun!

Where were we?

Ingemar! Get in there!

Good, boys. Samba in the Iegs,

just Iike we taIked about.

Don't fooI with the baIl when I'm taIking.

There's a game Tuesday, too.

Why not come to my pIace

and Iisten to the game?

That's where I Iive.

Come on.

Hamrin jumps over a German's leg.

He passes across

to Simonsson, who misses it.

And the ball is retrieved

by the Germans.

Look, I'm getting breasts.

It's awfuI.

Jesus, they're really swelIing out.

Can you see?

I'll be kicked off the team.

l know I wiIl.

It's not that bad.

But look! You can see them!

Can you see them?

Can't you hide them somehow?

How?

- How fast do breasts grow?

- I don't know.

- There.

- Can you see them?

No. They're invisibIe now.

If you get an elastic bandage,

you can puIl it tighter.

HeIp me with it, promise?

Sure.

Come on, we can train!

Watch it!

Good!

Sorry.

There.

Now she's protected

against the radiation fieIds.

Does she really have to go along?

Sure. Otherwise we won't know

if there's enough oxygen.

Hurry up!

The Russians might beat us!

Put that harness on

so you'lI be weightIess.

- You ready up there?

- Wait a second.

- I want to go, too.

- What did you say?

Can't hear you.

Speak on the phone.

- You heard. I want to go, too.

- ReIax, Saga. You can go Iater.

See you!

- Okay. Prepare for Iiftoff!

- Ready for liftoff.

Ready to go.

Bye, then. Good-bye, Earth.

We're Ieaving the gravitationaI fieId.

What happened?

l don't know.

Something's wrong.

We're Iost in space.

Welcome back to Earth, boys.

You can take off.

You're free today.

- Hi.

- Hi. How are things?

Fine.

Who are you in Iove with today?

You, of course.

Me?

But l'm an oId Iady, aren't I?

No. You're pretty nice.

ShaIl we have lunch?

I'm just going to eat.

See you Iater.

Ingemar.

What do you two

taIk about all the time?

Love. Why?

KarI-Evert is on the rope.

Come on!

Ladies and gentIemen!

A death-defying feat.

Can you name America's presidents?

Washington, Adams, Monroe,

Jackson, FiIlmore, LincoIn,

Johnson, Roosevelt, Taft,

Wilson, Harding,

Coolidge, Hoover,

Truman, Eisenhower.

He's crazy. He knows everything.

Ask him something.

No.

Watch your baIance, KarI-Evert!

You okay?

What are the name days in December?

Oscar, Beata, Lydia, Barbro,

Sven, Nicolaus, Agaton,

Virginia, Anna, MaIin -

That's enough.

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