My Little Chickadee Page #6

Boys! Quiet!

This is Miss Flower Belle. She'll teach you

your lessons for the rest of the day.

Boys, stand up.

Sit down.

Very good.

That's your first lesson in discipline.

I demand obedience.

Boys, education's a great thing.

I don't know what I'd do without mine.

Knowledge ain't so easy to get.

You got to work hard and study.

I'm still studying.

Of course, I don't study the same things

you do, but it's a good idea.

Now, history. A very fascinating study.

In fact, it's my favourite reading.

What's your name?

Lem.

Lem, tell me,

what do you know about Cleopatra?

Gosh, teacher, I ain't seen her.

Of course, you ain't.

She's a historical character. She lived way back in the early times.

What a time she had.

She used to fool around with snakes.

You mean, rattlesnakes?

These snakes didn't rattle, they crooned.

She was the Queen of Egypt.

I seen Little Egypt once.

They ain't related. Sit down.

By the way, what are you doing here, Pop?

Never had time to learn reading

and writing up to now.

Carried a musket in '61.

Fought in Chickamauga and Bull Run, I did.

You did? That's fine.

Any questions?

We was doing arithmetic on the blackboard

when Miss Foster took sick.

Arithmetic?

I was always pretty good at figures myself.

That will be enough of that.

Now this example is what is known as addition,

or putting two and two together.

Why, teacher?

You said "Why?"

Yes, teacher.

That's what I thought you said,

and that's a very good question, too.

Addition is when you take one thing

and add it to another and you get two.

Two and two is four and five will get you 10,

if you know how to work it.

Anyway, it all adds up in the end...

and that, my dear young man, is addition.

What's subtraction, teacher?

Subtraction.

That's very simple.

For instance, a man has $100

and you leave him with $2.

Boy, that's subtraction.

I'm only gonna do this once,

so everybody pay attention.

Eight and seven are 16 and nine are...

31, down one.

- That ain't right, teacher.

- What's wrong with it?

Eight and seven are 15

and nine are 24. Not 31.

I was just trying to trap you. Smart boy.

You will go to the head of the class.

In fact, step right up here and finish it.

"I am a good boy. I am a good man. I am a good girl."

What is this? Propaganda?

I wonder what would happen

if you moved that one over there.

I see. It's just an experiment, that's all.

- May I come in?

- You are in.

I thought you might enjoy

one of my pies, Sheriff.

- This is the one I baked especially for you.

- Thank you.

- Is this the raspberry?

- No, it's the gooseberry.

I was used to getting the raspberry.

I was beginning to enjoy it.

A little tart.

I won't keep you from your work, Sheriff...

but sometime when your duties permit,

I'd enjoy having you to tea.

Tea, yes, fine, I'd like that.

- Shall we say sometime soon?

- Let us say sometime.

Accompany the lady to her home.

Sheriff. I don't need protection.

That's what you think.

Accompany the lady to her home.

Ugh.

Thank you.

- Goodbye, Sheriff.

- Goodbye. Don't forget, tea. I make wonderful crumpets, too.

Tea and crumpets. Tea and crumpets, what a combination.

Get my bottle out of that lower drawer, will you?

Say, Mrs. Gideon, she kinda likes you, don't she?

I intrigue all the ladies but Mrs. Twillie.

I understand the Masked Bandit can get

an audience with her anytime he wishes.

Yeah, I guess so.

But cousin Flower Belle

never knows when he's gonna show up.

- He sort of surprises her.

- He surprises her? That gives me an idea.

- I guess I'll go out and eat. So long.

- All right, so long.

Gives me an excellent idea. He surprises her?

I know where I can pick up the very thing.

Must be my two-gun Romeo.

I wasn't expecting you tonight, honey.

Wait a minute, honey. Let me get my breath.

What have you been drinking, embalming fluid?

What do you call this?

It's you, is it?

Chiquita.

What do you think this is gonna get you?

No jockey was ever ruled off for trying, chiquita.

What kind of a jockey?

I used to be a reindeer jockey.

Yeah? Well, don't think

you're gonna win this by a nose.

My rose petal, just one little snuggle.

You cheat.

If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.

Just one little osculation.

You got one under false pretences.

Then give me one that's on the up.

My love, you incinerate me.

Your walk, your talk...

the way you wave your little pinky.

Your line ain't low enough to trip me.

I climbed the ladder of love to reach for the star.

Reach for the air.

I'm in no mood for astronomy.

What did you put this thing on for?

I have it on good authority a mask is the open sesame to your boudoir.

The child's afraid of me. She's all a-twit.

Didn't you promise to love, honour and be obedient?

I'm all wound up, my pink.

Why don't you go?

I am a heartbroken hombre.

You will be a heartbroken um-bay

if you don't get out of here.

Chiquita.

Masked Bandit!

What's the matter? What happened?

Masked Bandit. Went that way.

Joe, stay here and take care of her.

Come with me to the Sheriff. We've got to report this.

The rest of you, round up the vigilantes.

Wait.

Come on. We've been on the wrong trail.

Get him, boys.

Wait a minute, unhand me. I'm the police.

You're also the Masked Bandit. All the time

we thought you were a weakling.

This is a case of mistaken identity.

We'll see about that. Take him to the hotel.

You're all under arrest. Corpus delicti!

Wait a minute, boys.

Don't be in such a hurry with that rope.

Easy on the proboscis.

Explain it as I would, buttercakes.

- You've got the wrong man.

- You claim you never saw the bandit's face.

How do you know he's not the man?

- After all, he was found with this mask.

- Anyone could have a mask.

I just returned from a masquerade.

I impersonated the Ubangi.

Ridiculous. He just returned from stepping on my face.

They're both lying. She's as bad as he is.

She works hand in glove with him.

Come on, put her in jail and lock her up.

Wait a minute, ladies. I hardly think

it's necessary to lock her up...

if she gives us her word

that she won't leave town.

Leave town?

Are you gonna let her hoodwink you

the way she did in Little Bend?

No!

Lock her up.

- Doing your homework?

- Yup.

Need any help?

Whiskers were always my weakness.

I was just thinking, you look

a lot like President Grant around the edges.

You don't mean that, do you?

You know, I got to admit your whiskers attract me.

Gosh, you are the first pretty woman

what ever took a hankering to me.

You make me feel right pert.

A rendezvous with a goat.

Looks like the late Earl of Muffington.

Honey, I could stand a drink of water.

Go get me one.

Sure will.

That's a good boy.

Now, for being so nice, you can part

the sagebrush and give me a kiss.

Gosh.

Open that door and let me out of here.

Hurry up or I'll blow your ears off.

I've been slickered.

Get in there and keep the Sheriff company.

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