My Little Chickadee Page #5

Cease.

Cease. Quiet.

You're under arrest for disturbing the peace.

- Sheriff. It's written on the badge.

- Wait a minute, Sheriff.

The stage was held up last night and robbed

of considerable gold by the Masked Bandit.

How unfortunate. But he will have to split it.

We figured you'd want to form a posse

and search for him before his trail gets cold.

Posse by all means.

Thank you, Sheriff.

Big posse.

One of the biggest posse... Milton.

My habiliment. Duty calls.

Never mind. It can call later.

Sleep, the most beautiful experience in life...

except drink.

Boss, Carter's got the Sheriff's wife in his rig. They are just going by.

I suppose you're going to print about the

Masked Bandit holding up the stagecoach.

I wish I could print that we'd caught him.

- Everybody's after him, huh?

- Why not? After all, he's an outlaw.

Maybe he ain't so bad underneath.

People do a lot of things for different reasons.

He's pretty bad medicine. If I were you,

I wouldn't go out alone at night.

I can take care of myself.

Ain't met the man yet I was scared of.

How do you mean that?

You are very attractive, you know.

"Captivating" is the word, I think.

That's what you think.

Yes, and I think you could turn

a man's head very easily...

if he wasn't careful.

There's no fun in being too careful.

Aren't you forgetting that you are married?

I am doing my best.

I wish we'd met long before this.

You've met me now. I ain't complaining.

I know, but things might have been different.

How different?

I shouldn't be saying all this, I guess.

Maybe it's because it's spring,

and spring is the time for love.

What's the matter with the rest of the year?

I have no right to tell you anything,

but I will say this.

I don't like to see a girl like you

go in to Badger's.

It's a sordid place and full of temptations.

I generally avoid temptation

unless I can't resist it.

Pardon me. Okay. Thanks a lot.

Just taking Squawk Mulligan's place

for a couple of hours.

Just gone down to the tonsorial parlours

to get a haircut and shave.

Excuse me.

Soft pedal on that whistling, little lady.

It's bad luck. What's your pleasure?

Pour a whiskey, straight.

Go and take a seat at one of those tables.

I can't serve you here.

Listen, has that big stiff been in here today?

- I don't know who you are talking about.

- My husband.

- I don't know.

- I don't care.

I says to my husband this morning:

"The trouble with you

is I'm too good for you."

How do you like that?

He didn't have an answer.

You're too quick-witted for him.

You're good at repartee.

Will you go over there

and sit down at one of the tables?

Straight whiskey.

Thank you.

Squawk Mulligan tells me

you buried your wife several years ago.

Yes, I had to. She died.

You know what else I says to him?

I will be candid with you. I do not know.

Straight.

Straight whiskey, thank you.

I says there ain't a man...

You're full of helium.

You better not take off your shoes.

You'll go straight up in the air. Now, listen...

go over there and sit down at one of those tables.

The best man that ever breathed ain't good

enough for the worst woman in the world.

Now listen, you pygmy.

Go over and sit down at one of those tables or I'll take you out of here

and throw you on your head.

You and who else?

Me and Squawk Mulligan.

Okay.

You big tomboy.

Can you beat that?

Kinda tough.

Tough, nothing.

If I was in condition, and I had Squawk

with me, I could lick two of them.

Give me a shot of that panther.

Yeah.

I am tending bar one time down

the Lower East Side of New York.

A tough paloma comes in there

by the name of Chicago Molly.

I cautioned her,

"None of your peccadilloes in here."

There was some hot lunch

on the bar comprising of succotash...

Philadelphia cream cheese...

and asparagus with mayonnaise.

She dips her mitt down in to this melange...

I'm yawning at the time,

and she hits me right in the mug with it.

I jumps over the bar and knocks her down.

Where's the funnel?

I don't know. It's up along there somewhere.

You were there the night I knocked

Chicago Molly down, weren't you?

You knocked her down?

I was the one that knocked her down.

Yeah, that's right. He knocked her down.

But I was the one to start kicking her.

- Here's the funnel.

- Okay.

I starts kicking her in the midriff.

Did you ever kick a woman

in the midriff that had a pair of corsets on?

No, I just can't recall

any such incident right now.

Why, I almost broke my great toe.

I never had such a painful experience.

Did she ever come back again?

I'll say she came back. She came back

a week later and beat the both of us up.

Yeah, but she had another woman with her.

An elderly lady with grey hair.

I had those two tough guys beat her up.

Sheriff, come out from behind that bar.

You're not wanted here.

You're crazy. I'm wanted for

in nearly every state in the Union.

Come on.

We must all act together if we are ever to rid

this town of Badger or any other lawbreaker.

Something's got to be done about this masked outlaw.

Unless we can catch him red-handed or can someway learn his identity,

there's not much we can do.

I know someone who can identify

the Masked Bandit.

Explain yourself, Mrs. Gideon.

- I don't wish to injure anyone's reputation.

- I'm sure you don't.

But Flower Belle, the Sheriff's wife,

has an intimate acquaintance with him.

- What's that?

- Yes.

She was asked to leave Little Bend

on account of him.

Of course, she claims

she never saw his face, but...

That's possible.

But it is known he visited her

in her own room.

So everybody in Little Bend believes that... Well, you know.

What else can everyone believe?...

I'm inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

However, I will agree to keep an accurate check on her activities.

Another thing. Your name was brought up at

the Vigilante Committee meeting last night

in connection with the masked outlaw

who's been robbing the stages.

In what connection?

A person said that you've been well

acquainted with him for some time and that you actually know who he is....

I don't know who he is. I wish I did.

Nobody believes me. I hope you do.

- I was just beginning to like you.

- I believe you.

Mr. Carter?

What is it, Lem?

- Miss Foster's fainted again.

- Who's Miss Foster?

She's the lady that's teaching school.

Come on. Let's see what we can do for her.

What's this, Miss Foster? Aren't you taking

the job a little too seriously?

I guess it upsets me too much,

when the boys get unruly.

Wet a towel and put it on her head.

Go back to your books, boys.

Don't let them get you upset.

It's your nerves, you need a rest.

You hear that? It gives you an example

of what she's got to put up with.

- I better go dismiss the class for the day.

- No, that's what they're hoping you'll do.

I'll take over the class.

I'll show you how to handle them.

But I wouldn't think of imposing.

I'll give them learning they never got before.

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