My Little Chickadee Page #4

It's all over the place. Light, though.

- Don't forget you promised to sing for me.

- I always keep my promise.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I have a surprise for you.

Our charming guest

is gonna honour us with a song.

...that's the value of irrigation.

The agitated campaign...

- Something I can do for you?

- I don't know yet.

- I see you print things here.

- Yes. Everything but money.

I know some people ain't so particular.

Tell me, what is your objections

to the new sheriff?

If you wanted to get rid of your husband I could think of no better way than

having him made Sheriff of Greasewood.

Are you insinuating I got an ulterior motive?

- No, Mrs...

- Call me Flower Belle. But what about getting rid of the Sheriff?

Let me tell you what we're up against.

What are we up against?

There have been five sheriffs

in the last six months.

Good hunting.

That's just about what it amounts to,

and each of them died an unnatural death.

- Killed.

- Who done it?

There's no definite proof,

but we suspect Badger and his men.

You mean Badger's a killer?

All I know is that Badger's the kind

of a man that will stop at nothing to further his own ends.

He will, huh? Glad you told me.

Tell me more.

Why, there's no such thing

as law and order in this town.

Decent citizens live in fear of their lives.

That ain't right.

There should be a law against it.

And another thing.

I've been trying for a long time

to raise funds so that we could have a little...

schoolhouse.

So that the youngsters could have

some civilizing influence.

You mean the kids of this town

don't get any book learning?

One of the ladies in the town teaches a class

in a little shack that we fixed up...

but she's not a regular teacher

and she doesn't handle them very well.

They're bad boys and they get pretty unruly.

So was I,

when I went to school back in Chicago.

But I guess I grew out of it. Or did I?

All I hope is that someday we can build this

into a fine a city that a person would be proud to live in.

I see what you mean.

You're a man with ideals.

I guess I better be going while you've still got them.

- Miss Flower Belle?

- Yes?

I wondered if you would care

to visit our little school with me tomorrow.

Coming from a big city like Chicago,

you might be able to offer us...

some suggestions, you know,

for improvements.

It's kind of against my principles,

but I will go with you.

Thanks. Can I see you to the hotel?

Just to the front door.

The Sheriff is very jealous.

Love and locksmiths.

- What are you trying to do?

- I'm Sheriff, my rhododendron.

Just warming up

for a bit of innocent sleuthing.

- lf you're so curious, come on in.

- Thank you, dear.

Certainly, the days of chivalry are not over.

I have been worried about you, my little peach fuzz.

Have you been loitering somewhere?

- I've been learning things.

- Unnecessary.

You are the epitome of erudition.

A double superlative.

Can you handle it?

Yeah, and I can kick it around, too.

There is something sweet

and dainty about a lady's boudoir.

How do you know?

Come on, answer the question.

Why, the latest etiquette books

are just full of such knowledge.

For a second I thought

I heard the voice of experience.

De la bath.

Pussycat fur.

Luxury!

This is quite an extravaganza, dear.

Well, what...

Alcohol.

Very good brand, too. Imported?

What won't they get up to next?

What's this? New invention.

Why do you have to milk it?

My plum, a lovely bath tub.

I understand it's the only private bath

in town. I'd hate to take one in public.

My dove, with your permission I shall dunk my pink and white body

in yonder Roman tub.

I feel a bit gritty after the affairs of the day.

Go right ahead, honey. Help yourself.

My dove, no man was ever happier.

Yum, yum.

It is with regret that I part from you

even to bathe.

Don't forget to take off your gloves.

- Thanks for your introspection, dear.

- Don't mention it.

For the nonce, adieu and au revoir.

TWILLIE:
Man overboard!

This reminds me of the old swimming hole when I was a nipper.

That's where I got malaria.

What a foul summer that was.

It was the year the Jones boys murdered their mother.

Dear old lady. I can see her now, carrying the laundry home on her head.

My darling flower!

What is it, baby?

Baby. She calls me "baby."

I was just thinking how homey this all is.

Yeah, it's a nice thought.

What's your name?

Friend in need.

What did you say, my sweet?

Just agreeing with you, honey.

Drat.

Dear, I forgot to take the gloves off after all.

Just keep your mouth closed and let him do all the talking.

Pardon my redundancy, dear.

I shall join you in half a tick.

If you do this right, I'll get you one of his old straw hats.

I have been thoughtlessly cruel in absenting myself from you so long.

That's all right, honey.

I got a real surprise for you.

I'll bet you have at that, my dear.

There's a flower in the garden

for you young man so pluck it if you can.

Here I come, dear. Ready or not.

I feel rather parky, dear, in this diaphanous ubeitsehr.

Don't recoil from me, my sweet.

Are you sleeping in your caracal coat?

You better take it off, dear. You won't feel

the good of it when you go out.

It smells as though you haven't taken it

to the cleaners lately.

You reek of old tin cans.

I beg your pardon, dear?

Mama.

The sweet little dear is calling for her mama.

What sublime innocence.

Kiss me goodnight

Godfrey Daniel!

Beelzebub. I've been hoodwinked.

Shadrach and Abednego. The mystery of the fur coat.

And I wanted to kiss you.

You didn't waste time finding out where I was.

I got run out of Little Bend on account of you.

Yes, I know.

I also know you got married. Why you do this to me?

Don't mean anything, honey. It's just for convenience. I got to be respectable.

I can explain it to you sometime.

But he's your husband.

Don't worry. He will never cross my threshold.

- You can trust me.

- Can I trust him?

Forget it.

You're the one man in my life right now.

I will be the one man in your life

if I have to kill everyone else.

Save your lead, honey.

You got no competition.

My love.

That is beautiful.

You see, I ain't changed, have I?

You are more lovely than ever.

Last time you promised

to take off your mask this time.

You are the Sheriff's wife now.

It would be very embarrassing for you to know who I am.

I've never been embarrassed in my life.

A little gift.

I go, my sweetest one.

Adios, my fastest one.

That's fine.

Let's have just one more with the landlord

and then let him close up for the night.

What a conk.

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

I think I'll write a book.

The Art of Arising the Morning After.

My kidneys. My pellagra.

Get me out of here, you red-skinned aborigine.

What do you think you are, you red rascal?

A Navajo rug or a hassock?

Chief no feel good?

I feel as though a midget with muddy feet

had been walking over my tongue all night.

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