My Little Chickadee Page #3

Gentlemen, my good fortune

embarrasses me.

- How do you do, gentlemen?

- Take him inside and lump him up.

Unhand me, you parcel of rogues!

You know what the penalty

for cheating is here?

I'm a stranger in these parts

and unacquainted with the rules.

- Where can I purchase a book?

- You won't need a book.

The boys will teach you the rules

in pantomime. Get him out of here!

Unhand... I'm an American citizen.

Unhand me!

I'm a taxpayer.

I shall write the Times about this.

Call me a barrister!

- How do you do?

- How do you do? Who are you?

I'm Jeff Badger. I own this place.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Yeah, you can get out of my way.

Unhand me, you uncouth lolligans.

Stay out.

This is sabotage.

A crime against liberty.

Hello, dear. My dove...

What do you call this?

- What do you call this?

- I'll ask the questions. You find the answers.

- Two of his roughs tried to do me in.

- For what reason?

They accused me of chicanery.

- This is a surprise.

- It was a surprise to me.

It's hard to trust people these days.

Mistakes will happen.

And after seeing you,

I know I must be wrong about him.

- We'll let it go at that.

- That's fine.

Let me show you there's no hard feelings

and extend my hospitality.

The drinks are on the house. Mulligan.

Let Mr. Twillie have anything he wants.

Pardon me for a second.

Give me that bottle.

- Will you join me at the table?

- I don't mind if I do.

I see. A gentleman.

- I've been called other things, too.

- Who hasn't?

This reminds me

of the White Palace in Chicago...

only this ain't white.

- You're from Chicago?

- Yeah, every bit of me.

Spend much time around the White Palace?

Yeah, I worked there.

Singing and entertaining.

- A regular turn.

- Is that so?

Maybe you'll sing for me sometime.

Thanks, I don't need a job.

No, I mean, just as a special favour to me.

Yeah, I'll sing for you. Sometime.

Anytime.

I reached down into my boots...

and I drew two more six shooters. Bang!

How'd you shoot three guns at once?

I had one in my teeth.

Three Indians bit the dust.

The slaughter I wreaked

upon the poor savages was devastating.

I run this town and everything I say goes.

So if anybody tries to make

any trouble for you...

you can count on me to protect you.

Funny. Every man I meet

wants to protect me.

I can't figure out what from.

This is a pretty wild country.

Boss, this guy Twillie is gunpowder.

He was on that train today

that was raided by Injuns.

According to him,

he beat them all single-handed.

What do you know about that?

- Say, he must be pretty good.

- It's news to me.

You know, I'm kind of sorry I accused a man

of his fighting spirit of cheating.

Now, the best way to blot out the stain

on his reputation is to honour him.

How do you mean?

I'm going to make him Sheriff of Greasewood City.

We need a sheriff,

and he's just the man we've been looking for.

- For something else, but not for sheriff.

- It's all settled.

It was the Comanches, Chippewas, and the old Sepulveda Indians.

It gives me great pleasure

to make a brave man like yourself Sheriff of Greasewood City.

Gentlemen, you overwhelm me.

Here, take this badge

and pin it over my heart.

Well, Sheriff, congratulations.

I thank... Thank you. Be careful of that trigger finger.

This is ridiculous.

You can't make this man sheriff.

He's not fit for the job.

What have we here?

I'm running this town, Carter.

I've told you to keep out of my business

if you want to go on peddling your papers.

If I want a sheriff, I'm going to have one.

Who is this muckraker?

There's one consolation, Badger.

He won't be sheriff very long.

- What do you mean by that?

- You ought to know what I mean. None of them last very long.

If this lady knows what's good for her,

she and her husband will stay out of here.

- What's the argument?

- I never argue with a lady.

Play it safe, huh?

- Who is this high-collar, anyway?

- He just runs the newspaper here.

And he's got some idea

about what he calls law and order.

I'd like to give the scamp a sound trouncing.

Just trounce yourself out of here.

Come on, we're going home.

Your pleasure is my pleasure, my peach.

Come back soon. Make the place your own.

That's an idea.

Thank you. We will.

Boys, she's gonna make a very pretty widow.

Git along, Christmas.

We got to find cousin Flower Belle.

Zeb?

Hi, Mrs. Gideon.

I'm looking for Flower Belle.

Well, you'll find her at the hotel.

She's married.

Married?

- Her name is Mrs. Twillie now.

- Twillie? You don't say.

Come on, Christmas. Look out, New Year.

Bet you a lei of beads.

No gottum lei.

What you got?

Five beads.

Five beads. I'll see them.

One, two, three, four, five. There you are.

What do you got?

Three squaws.

Three squaws? No good. Three chiefs.

Big Chief always win.

What are you up to now, you red rascal?

That'll teach you a lesson.

Teach you the bottle is mightier

than the quiver.

- Big Chief catch trouble.

- Big Chief can catch no trouble...

only from revenue agents for splitting

a bottle of whiskey with an Indian.

Are you cousin Sheriff Twillie?

I'm a sheriff, but I haven't any relatives

west of Canarsie.

I'm Flower Belle's cousin, Zeb.

You are?

Well, if you ever see your cousin tell her her husband would like to quaff

a dish of tea with her sometime.

I don't think you and cousin Flower Belle

are getting along the right way.

- Is there a right way?

- Well, sure there is.

Flower Belle likes her men strong, daring,

what live life dangerously.

My boy, being Sheriff of this town

is pretty dangerous.

The people here don't know the difference

between the Sheriff and a clay pigeon.

Gosh, you mean your life

ain't worth two cents?

Two cents?

Have you any of the elusive spondulicks on you?

You mean money?

That is correct.

You go back to the reservation and milk your elk.

Give this gentleman a seat. Sit down, Cousin.

Certainly good to see relatives far away from home.

Put the elusive right on the table there.

- You mean all of it?

- Every cent of it, yes.

Say, that's pretty good.

Is this a game of chance?

Not the way I play it, no.

You're beautiful.

I wonder what kind of a woman

you really are.

Too bad, but I can't give out samples.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I'm not going to make a speech.

In fact, we're not going to have any speeches tonight.

We're just gonna have a good time and enjoy ourselves.

But I feel that it is my duty and privilege...

to take this opportunity of welcoming a man to our community....

A man whose courage and daring has only recently been so well demonstrated....

Ladies and gentlemen further words are useless.

I'm referring to none other

than Cuthbert J. Twillie, our new sheriff.

A little cramped.

Why don't you let me

get you a shotgun divorce?

No, I'm saving it for a rainy day.

I know, but you should be thinking of your future.

- I ain't thinking of my past.

This is the stringiest vermicelli soup

I ever ate in my life.

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