My Old Lady Page #2

And this huge garden.

- This is good.

- Yeah. There's only one problem.

See that old lady?

Yeah. She lives there.

It's a viager.

- This is not good.

- Yes.

No... She's 90.

- Not so bad.

- Yeah.

This French guy,

whose name I can't pronounce,

he's called me a couple of times.

We Skyped while I was still in New York,

and he's really hot to buy it.

Of course I didn't tell him about

the old lady. I didn't know about her.

If you see him, tell him she's

90 right away. Tout de suite.

Good point. Yeah.

Do you have a... a card?

Oh, yes, yes. Of course.

Of course, I do.

- Voil.

- Thanks.

- I'll be in touch.

- Okay. Call me.

I eat dinner each night

at precisely 8:
00.

And breakfast is at precisely 8:00 a.m.

I don't eat lunch.

Lunch is not a meal that interests me.

Please?

It's a 10-year-old Gigondas.

Should be lovely.

Ten years is a perfect age for Gigondas.

Any younger, and the Syrah

overpowers the Grenache.

Any... Any older, then the alcohol...

overpowers everything and everyone.

You're very precise.

Very precise, Madame...

- Girard.

- Precision is the key to a long life.

Precision and wine.

Gotcha. I'm just gonna... have water.

I don't drink...

alcoholic beverages anymore.

You had a drink problem?

It wasn't a problem for me.

Just for the people around me.

A bit young. What a pity.

Vous parlez to me?

Parlez-vous anglais?

Cochon.

Oh, God, I'm... What? I'm...

- You!

- I'm very sorry! I'm sorry!

I... I had no idea that anybody

else was in the house!

I didn't see anything!

You're... Je suis dsol...

- C'est quoi a?

- Calm.

Mathias... Mathias, this is Chlo.

Chlo, this is Mathias.

- What are you doing here?

- I own this apartment.

And I also own, Madame Girard.

Do you work here?

Chlo is my daughter. She lives here.

- Your daughter...

- Why are you staying here?

Well, your mother... invited me.

She seems upset.

What, is she... is she leaving?

She's probably going to check

the rooms to see where you slept.

She doesn't think you and I...

- Never mind.

- Well!

Hello. That's my room. Can I help you?

- How long are you staying here?

- Here in Paris, or here in the apartment?

Here in this apartment?

How long are you staying in this apartment?

I don't know. I'm paying rent.

- Why?

- Wh-Why?

Why are you paying rent?

- Chlo!

- Maman, s'il te plat.

You don't have to speak

French in front of me.

- I can go to my room if you like.

- Yes, please. Thank you. Do.

- What? Go to my room?

- Yes. Please do!

Your daughter has a

wonderfully welcoming spirit.

I feel bienvenu beyond

belief in her presence.

No, no, no. No French.

My French is for sh*t.

Please don't be vulgar.

Well, I'll try not to be,

but I can't make any promises.

I know exactly who you are,

and I know exactly why you're here.

Who am I, exactly? And why am I here?

Chlo!

I had a Cairn terrier named Murphy

who used to eavesdrop constantly.

He was... 90 in dog years when he died.

- Same age as your mom.

- My mother's 92.

She told me she was 90.

- She lies about her age.

- She had me totally fooled.

You have no legal access here

before my mother dies.

If you continue to trespass, Mr. Gold...

Let's start all over. Hi.

I'm Mathias Gold. I'm from New York.

I'm renting a room from your mother.

- I've paid her...

- I have no time for this.

Simply and clearly, if you are not

out of this apartment by noon today,

our lawyers will petition

the police to have...

Excuse me, but I'd like to say something,

simply and clearly.

This is my apartment!

Yeah! My dad bought it!

And he paid for it over 43 years!

Gazillions of dollars!

And then he left it to me.

I don't care if your mother's

500 years old...

and the two of you

end up living in a tent.

I own this apartment,

and I'm gonna sell this apartment.

The moment I have the money

in my pocket, I'll be gone,

and not a minute before.

Okay?

You heard what he said?

Chlo, what did you say?

I'm going. I won't be home for dinner.

- Bonjour.

- Bonjour.

- Parlez-vous English?

- Yes. Definitely.

I speak franais, anglais, Dutch, polonais.

Whatever you want.

Okay. Well, I've got some

things here I want to sell.

- That...

- No. I can't really sell all this stuff.

No, no... Well, I quite

like those '50s pieces.

- Okay. I got four of those.

- Oh. Great.

No, no.

And the lamp.

The lamp could be interesting.

- That's art deco, that table.

- Brilliant.

How much for four chairs like that,

an art deco table and the lamp?

Minute.

900, if everything is in top condition.

- Everything is in top condition.

- Yeah.

This is why it's worth 1,300.

No, no, no. One thousand

is my absolute maximum.

Twelve hundred?

- You can deliver today?

- I'll do my best.

- Brilliant.

- Pleasure doing business with you.

My table? My lamp?

- I'll be right back.

- Thank you.

Milles deux cents.

Merci beaucoup.

- What?

- Cleaning.

Cleaning. No, thanks.

- No. I do.

- Oh. Good.

Th-thank you for seeing me.

I found you through,

Madame Mathilde Girard.

- You are Madame Girard's friend?

- Friend? Well, you could say that.

Yes, provisionally. I'm Mathias Gold.

What can I do for you, Mr. Gold?

Are you ill?

N... Am I ill? No. I was actually

inquiring about Madame Girard's health.

Is she ill?

Well, that's what I was

hoping to find out.

I mean, she's quite elderly.

Why are you asking?

Well, if I can be honest, I...

I own her apartment as a viager.

Well...

you may have made a

terrible investment, Mr. Gold.

When I last saw Madame Girard,

she was in top form.

Top form? Well...

French women can live a long time.

- Yes. It's the red wine, isn't it?

- Exactly.

We had in France an old woman,

the oldest in the world... Jeanne Calment.

- Never heard of her.

- She was 122 years old when she died.

She sold her apartment in a viager

contract with her lawyer when she was 90.

Her lawyer paid her several thousand

francs a month for 30 years,

until he died. A viager

can be a very bad gamble.

As far as I know,

Madame Girard is in excellent health...

and could well outlive Jeanne Calment.

And you've been Madame Girard's

doctor for a long time?

Madame Girard and her daughter

were my mother's patients for

many years. Now they're mine.

They're also my English teachers.

We exchange skills.

I get private lessons.

They get doctoring.

It's an excellent arrangement.

Yes. You exchange skills.

That's charming.

Well, thank you for your time.

Not at all.

I'll get that.

Oh, no, no. No.

The trolley gives me balance.

Oh. Well, I, just wanted to help.

If I allow people to help,

they don't help at all.

I know what you mean.

So, when were you last in Paris?

Oh, I haven't been here

since I was a kid.

Oh? Why is that?

I think it's because my mother thought

Paris was the enemy, in a way.

My father was here on

business all the time and...

I think... You kind of got

the feeling that he loved Paris

more than he loved his wife or his son.

Why are there...

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