My One And Only

---

[Man]

Well, I'm packin' my grip

Think I'll take a trip

Think I'll leave today

No, I'd better stay

Well, oh, well, oh, well

oh, well, oh, well, oh, well

[Man On Radio] All of you listening

to me out there realizes that...

Communism is the avowed enemy

of the free world.

- [Explosion]

- [Continues]

Today, fourth June, 1953,

at the Nevada test site...

a thermonuclear device was...

Well, oh, well, oh, well

oh, well, oh, well, oh, well

Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well

Goin' to stay right here

[Man #2 On Radio]

A solid marriage is one of the most...

wonderful things in the world.

My gal won't wait for me

[Chorus Singing Jingle]

Drink Bubble Up, Bubble Up

Kiss of lemon

Kiss of lime

[Man #3 On Radio] And now, my friends,

a new hit record among my souvenirs...

backed with "God Bless America"

by Connie Francis.

White Rain

White Rain shampoo tonight

Tomorrow, your hair

sunshine bright

- [Static]

- [Woman]

A new love for you

[Girl]

I can save you money, here's a tip

So many ways to use me and free

[Giggles]

[Woman]

From kids to dad and mother

The family all approved

[Man]

To dad's delight the price is right

For the newest Easter shoes

[Chorus]

Refinery fresh to each station every day

Higher octane for power

the Oklahoma way with

Oklahoma

I said Oklahoma

The best gasoline you can buy

[Woman]

It's time to wake up, it's time to go

It's time to get rolling

It's time for the show

[Man]

Keep your eye up high

[Woman]

Keep your ear to the ground

- [Continues]

- [Man] Hey, kid.

Don't touch the car, will ya?

[Boy Narrating] If I'd walked out

of the showroom right then...

none of this would've happened.

You should be in school. Scram.

But I didn't leave,

and nothing was the same after that.

How much is this one?

This one?

About 50 more years on your paper route,

sonny. That's how much.

And that works out to...

Now, beat it!

I presume you'd consider

lowering the price if I paid you in cash.

The money's legitimate, gentlemen.

- You heard him. Keep out of this.

- Oh, right.

Kid might've murdered his parents.

- But to Mickey, a sale's a sale.

- Will you both shut up.

[Sighs]

You got five minutes to explain

before I call the cops, kid.

My name is George Devereaux.

I'm 15.

I live on the Upper West Side

with my parents and my half brother.

This afternoon, my mother returned home

a day early from a trip to the shore.

Mrs. Devereaux. We weren't

expecting you until tomorrow.

A lady should never do

what anyone expects of her, Henry.

[George Narrating] My parents'

marriage is not what you'd call seamless.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

Holy sh*t.

Yep.

[Narrating]

My father's a band leader.

Normally, he's better dressed than this.

His stage name is Dan Devereaux.

You might've heard of him.

Although his real name is Dan Hamilton.

He's from Paris, Texas...

- not Paris, France.

- [Singing, Indistinct]

He made a lot of money

off a song he wrote called...

My one and only

The only thing louder

than its arrangement is its irony.

My father is an artist...

with all the strengths

and weaknesses that implies.

- [Knocking On Door]

- [Man] Dan, two-minute call.

- Comin'.

- As much as my father's life...

relies upon improvisation...

my mother's life is guided

by a large number of aphorisms.

Sayings.

Like, for example...

[Mrs. Devereaux]

What you do while you're in a room...

- You don't wanna go in there.

- is never as important as how

you enter or leave it.

- [Screams]

- Please. Don't get up.

- This isn't what it looks like.

- Really? Well, what does it look like, child?

- Danny!

- Of course it's what it looks like, Sherry.

- My wife's not an idiot, for Christ's sake.

- Thank you, darling.

That's the nicest thing

you've said to me all year.

Here. Let me help you.

You know, you really

shouldn't wear this color.

It makes you look like a tramp.

What am I saying?

You are a tramp.

Hey. What are you doin'

with that suitcase?

- I'm leaving you.

- Oh, Christ, honey.

Come on. You know

you're not gonna leave me.

Never contradict a woman

while you're in your underwear.

It puts you at a great disadvantage.

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Baby, I am.

You know I do these crazy things.

But they don't mean anything.

No offense, Sherry. Sherry?

Oh, come on now, honey.

Be realistic.

W-Where would you go?

What would you do?

- Where's my passport?

- Oh, hell. Go on then. Leave me.

I don't need you around here anyway. All

you do is hold me back and spend my money.

- And everybody knows that.

- What a relief for you then.

- Well, what about the boys?

- Boys?

- Yeah. George, Robbie. The boys.

You remember them?

- Where are they?

- They're at school, Miss Devereaux.

- Why?

- I'm going to take them with me.

- And do what?

- Raise them.

- You?

Well, you don't think I'm leaving them here

with the likes of you, do you?

Give me a break.

You're a lousy mother.

- I love my children.

- So what?

I love my kids, and I'm sh*t for a father.

- Bernice?

- Yes, ma'am?

Am I a lousy mother?

It's not my place to say, Miss Devereaux.

[Softly]

But if you wanna know the God's honest...

- There.

- Aw, sh*t.

Go on, then.

Take the damn kids. What do I care?

[Elevator Whirring]

[Sighs]

[Elevator Bell Dings]

- [Elevator Doors Close]

- [Narrating] Ten minutes later...

- my mother took my brother and me out of school.

- Sh*t.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Devereaux, but your boys

don't attend this school anymore.

Of course they don't.

[Chuckles]

I'm sorry, Mr. Connors.

I'm just very upset.

- They go to...

- Radford.

Radford. Of course.

They go to Radford.

Where is Radford?

[Narrating] My brother Robbie was playing

Lady Macbeth in the Scottish play.

It is so nice to see that

there are still some gentlemen left.

Thank you.

[Man]

He was playing Lady Macbeth?

In Shakespeare's time,

all the women's roles were played by men.

Right. I knew that.

That's all the cash there is in here,

Mrs. Devereaux.

- And all the jewelry.

- Of course.

What's in that cloth there?

- Oh.

- I'll take that too.

Will that be all, Mrs. Devereaux?

That will be all. Thank you.

George, darling.

I want you to take this money

and go and buy us an automobile.

A car? Why? Where's Dad?

First things first.

We need a car.

- Well, what kind of car?

- What kind would you like?

- I don't want a car.

- A Jaguar.

Admirable taste as always, darling.

But we need something more practical.

- A Chevy?

- Perhaps not that practical.

So here I am,

and that's the car I want.

It's not as easy as that, son.

- Is there a problem, George?

- Have a seat, Mrs. Devereaux.

Well, thank you, Fred.

- May I call you Fred?

- By all means.

Well, how much is the car we want?

It's, uh, 3,500, ma'am.

- Give it to the nice man, George.

- That's not how you do it, Mom.

- That's not how you do what?

- Your son means that...

you offer me less than that,

and then we bargain.

All right. $1,000.

- [Chuckling]

- This is so much fun.

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