My One And Only Page #2

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What?

It's a little low, Mom.

- Offer me, say, 2,500.

- All right, then.

- No.

- What do you mean, no?

You just said, "Offer me 2,500."

I can let you have it for 33, Mrs. Devereaux,

but that's as low as I can go.

faster than a cat in a rainstorm.

- Huh?

- [George] What about Dad?

What does he have to say about all this?

Your father has betrayed us,

and I never wanna hear his name again.

What about marrying my father again?

Once was an adventure.

Twice would be a perversion.

Look, you can't just take a kid

away from his father like this.

Ask any psychiatrist.

A boy needs his father's influence.

- That is what the telephone is for.

- I'm not going.

- Well, who's gonna drive the car?

- Robbie can drive.

Robbie doesn't have

the personality for driving.

- I'm too sensitive.

- You're too full of sh*t is what you are.

- George!

- Then you drive it.

It would not be appropriate

for me to drive it.

It's 1953, Mom.

Women vote now.

They smoke. They even

go to the bathroom by themselves.

You're becoming very crude, darling.

Your father's influence, no doubt.

Nice car.

The only reason why I'm giving in...

is because I know that

we'll be back here in a week.

It's time for your boy's medicine, ma'am.

- Bernice has your medicine, George. Take it.

- It's not my medicine.

I do not care whose medicine it is.

Just one of you take it,

and let's get out of here.

Good-bye, Bernice.

I'll miss you.

Any parting words of advice for us?

Yeah. Take the parking brake off.

- [Gears Grinding]

- [Robbie] George! George!

- Please don't get us killed.

- [Tires Screeching]

[Narrating] My mother was

determined to teach my father a lesson...

even if it meant

killing us all in the process.

With that in mind, she told us

to drive around the city for an hour...

so she could teach me everything

she knew about driving a car...

- which wasn't much.

- [Brakes Screech]

George, I almost stabbed myself.

- You wanna drive?

- That was a lovely stop.

You're a natural, darling.

Well, I think we're ready to go.

- Anywhere in particular?

- Boston.

- Boston?

- Mm-hmm.

- For how long?

- Well, with a little luck, forever.

What are we going to do in Boston?

We're gonna start a new life.

We are going to have fun, that's what.

My dear friend Julie Harper lives there.

- Bette Davis was born in Boston.

- Boston is a very elegant city.

It's full of museums and universities.

- Tea parties.

- Precisely.

Accelerate, darling.

- Put the pedal to the metal, George.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What did you just do?

- I was checking the rear view mirror.

Oh. Never, never look

in the rear view mirror, darling.

It makes no difference what's behind you.

I don't even know why

they put those up there.

Just look where you're going

and pretend that that's not even there.

- Understood?

- Yes, ma'am.

Now go.

[Narrating] The whole drive up

to Boston, my mother and Robbie...

planned their upcoming adventures.

Around Hartford, her euphoria

was sounding a little forced.

It made me think.

By the time we got to Boston...

she'd proclaim this was all

a big misunderstanding...

and tell me to turn around

and drive us back to New York.

But she didn't.

We'll stay here until

Julie returns from her cruise.

- Mom, isn't this place a little...

- Isn't it a little what?

Well, don't you think that

we should be saving our money?

Certainly not.

What an unpleasant thought.

- Sorry. I'm sorry. Oh!

- Oh, my goodness.

- Are you okay?

- I'm very sorry.

- Oh, my goodness. Ann Devereaux.

- Wallace...

- Ann Devereaux.

- Wallace McCallister!

[Ann] Wally's an old beau of mine,

and he's divorced.

He once asked me to marry him.

He tried to kill himself when I turned

him down. Unsuccessfully, of course.

Great. He deserves another chance.

Well, if that's the way you wanna put it.

So, is this the look

we're going for, Robbie?

I'm trying to find you a balance between

Dorothy Malone and Donna Reed.

- Try this one.

- I'm completely in your hands, darling.

- You're like some predator.

- I'm merely having dinner with an old friend.

Like the angler fish we studied in biology.

Never compare a woman to a fish, George...

- or anything with scales for that matter.

- Here. Try these.

[Gasps]

They're perfect.

We're newcomers here, and Wallace

is a well-respected gentleman...

whose friendship will help

establish us in the community.

I got a feeling this is all gonna

come flying right back in your face.

Nonsense.

Everything works out for the best.

Always.

- [Door Closes]

- What?

- [Laughing]

- [Piano]

Wallace, you haven't changed a bit.

[Snickering]

Thank you.

[Groans]

Goddamn, Ann.

Why can't we just go back...

to the way everything was, huh?

Well, sometimes,

fate offers us a second chance.

- [Liquid Pouring]

- Mm-hmm.

Wallace, is something wrong?

Um...

Things are, um...

Things are bad for me, Ann.

They're bad.

Well, divorce is a terrible experience.

But sometimes, good things can come from...

from trials like ours.

I'm not talking about divorce.

I'm talking about... my business.

- Oh, your business.

- Yeah.

I've had a setback,

and-and-and l-I need cash.

Lots of cash, and fast.

[Scoffs]

Lower your voice, Wallace.

It's why I wanted to see you tonight.

Can you lend me some money?

Can I what?

- Dollars?

- All right, 50.

Fifty. And I will get it back to you

by the end of the month, I swear to God.

It's not appropriate for you

to solicit money from me.

Appropriate? Appropriate my ass!

I am broke, babe!

The wolves are circlin'.

They're standin' in line

waitin' to take chunks out of my ass...

bigger than that flank steak you just had!

- [Slams Fist On Table]

- Sorry. I'm sorry.

Please excuse me while I powder my nose.

Okay.

[Sniffling]

[Sighs]

Everything will work out for the best,

George Devereaux.

You'll see.

It's not our policy to extend credit

to patrons we do not know.

Oh. Well, is it your policy for your patrons

to be robbed in plain sight?

- Madam, please.

- Listen, I am the victim here.

I returned from the ladies' room

to find that my purse has been ransacked.

Madam, all I know is that

someone needs to pay for this meal.

Trust me, I already have.

Ma'am? May I be of assistance?

Well, who are you, cavalry?

Henry, I'll take care of that.

Harlan.

Harlan Williams.

We met at Julie Harper's

Christmas party last year.

Yes, of course. Harlan.

Well, Colonel.

[George]

Why does he wear that uniform all the time?

Hasn't anyone told him the war is over,

for Christ's sake?

[Robbie]

Now that he and Mom are engaged...

I bet he sends us off to military school.

[George] I hate the way he calls me

Georgie boy all the time.

I hate the way he keeps

slapping me on the back...

like he's trying to dislodge a piece of meat

from my throat or something.

If he touches my hair one more time,

I'm gonna kill him.

Holden Caulfield would tell him

what he really thought about him.

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