My Sassy Girl Page #3

- Get away from me!

- Whoa!

- Charlie! Oh!

Are you OK?

- Definitely not.

- Hey! Fifty bucks

for your cart.

- I love New York!

- How's your head?

Is it OK?

- I hear a hum.

- So what did you think

of the treatment?

- The-- I think--

Uh, I think--

I think it's a love story,

and that they should

be nicer to each other.

- It's not a love story.

Charlie, it's a story about how

men can't handle big trouble.

- Um, well, I think

people are still gonna want

to see them kiss.

- Well, maybe people shouldn't

always get what they want!

- I tried to tell him...

- OK.

- Look, don't patronize me,

Charlie, OK?

You know what? Like I care

what you think anyway!

- Don't make eye contact.

Don't look. Come on!

- OK, you know what, Jordan?

I--I--I like you.

And the last 3 days have been,

uh, some of the most

interesting--

if not, painful-- of my life.

But my brain is haemorrhaging

and my career is ruined

and I just think it's

better if we part ways.

- Ha!

- OK, but your head'll clot.

And you know what?

Did you think that maybe

you were meant for better

than a career with

the Tiller King Company?

- No!

- Here.

- What? Where are we?

- You're fine.

You may have some

headaches for a while.

- No sh*t!

- Take Tylenol, not Advil.

And, uh, don't go

to sleep tonight.

- Really?

- Yeah, you have

a level one concussion.

Just in case.

- OK.

- And I think it would be best

if you didn't

see my daughter again.

- Um, you speaking as my doctor

or as her father?

- Jordan tells me

that you're the young man

that brought her

home the other night.

- I am.

- It seems to me that

whenever you two get together,

someone becomes separated

from his senses.

You're obviously

a bad influence on her.

- I'm a bad influence on her?

- Would you disagree?

- No, sir, I would not.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry about him.

You know, ever since

the fiance,

he's been really

overprotective and--

- Yeah, no, he's your dad.

Um, you know,

he's just lookin' out for you.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

- Um...

Take care of your head.

- Yeah, you too.

- You're intrigued by this girl?

- No, no, I'm not.

Who would be

intrigued by a hot,

mysterious, passionate,

possibly bi-polar, violent,

drunken, arrogant, rude...

woman?

- There are people.

- Don't go to sleep, man!

- Aw!

- Don't sleep! The doctor

said I gotta stay up.

- So don't go to sleep!

Leave me alone!

- The next few weeks

passed without incident.

Leo got to the Existentialists,

and rented Horny House-Fraus 6.

And I was making progress

rehabilitating myself

with the Tiller King Company.

Tomorrow's my birthday

and I want to spend it with you.

You decide how, but it has

to be the best birthday ever.

# Humming #

# Humming #

- Hey! Hey, kid, is this

a subway platform

or your own personal

piece of drawing paper?

- Mom!

- Um, he's like 5, Jordan.

- What did I do wrong?

- Some people are bad, Tommy.

- Well--

- Like Uncle Herb in jail?

- Hey, here's the game.

When someone crosses that

red line with their left foot,

I win.

Right foot, you win.

- OK, what do we win?

- I don't know

What do you suggest?

- A kiss?

- A kiss.

A kiss, everybody!

Can you believe it?

He wants a kiss!

- OK, OK!

You decide what then.

- I was thinking,

like, a slap.

- Like you need

a game for that?

- Well, you can slap me too!

- I don't want--

Why would I want--

- Just-- Shh!

Here we go. Here we go.

# Whistling Pachelbel's Canon #

Is that what you call a slap?

- I--I'd call it not wanting--

You didn't see what foot--

- Yes, I did.

- You were looking at me!

- Was not!

- He came from

the other direction!

- We never specified direction!

- OK, well, you're--

- Hey, no blocking!

# Pachelbel's Canon #

What?

# # #

Oh boy!

- Just stop!

- OK!

Stop it! Stop it!

- Truce! Truce.

- Truce?

- Help a poor marching

band get a new tuba?

All right! Thanks, man!

- You're too kind

for your own good.

- You know what?

I know...

that you don't

really want to hurt me.

- Well, I know that you deserved

every slap that you got.

- I know you don't mean that.

- Game over.

- I got you, don't worry.

- Here.

- You're falling.

Hey, got--

- What kind of

stupid idea is this? Whoa!

- Jesus!

OK, you're good.

- Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Just let go.

- Let go! Let go!

- You want-- you sure?

OK, here.

- I'm fine.

- OK.

- Oh! OK.

- Here you go.

- Thank you.

- An amusement park, you know?

I love amusement parks!

- Yeah, but it's my birthday.

- I know! That's why

we're at the--

- Right.

- The amusement... park.

Come on! Come on!

First in 10 from the Jets...

- Why don't you think about it?

Want to keep track.

Boom. Thank you.

- You owe me one, Leo.

A huge one.

- T-minus 10 minutes

till music and fireworks.

- Mmm.

- It starts off kind

of slow, but it gets--

- Ha! Oh my god!

- Hands on your heads.

- Are you part of it? Because--

- I said hands on your heads!

What are you doing here?

- Uh, it's a very special

birthday celebration.

What are you doing here?

- I'm hiding out.

- Great! This is really great.

- I'm not happy about it either.

- Hands on your heads and move!

- Best birthday ever.

- "One should recall

what one owes--"

- Hey! Hey!

Was a crazy guy with a

machine gun part of the program?

- No.

- I'm just saying--

- But I asked for one thing.

- When have you not had a good

time at an amusement park,

besides this time?

- Shut up!

What is your relationship?

- We're just friends, sir.

- Bullshit!

One look at you two,

I know that's not true.

- Give me my jacket.

Where's my manual?

- I had a girlfriend too.

- Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.

- For a year and a half.

But then, when I enlisted,

she left me for this Frenchman!

Can you believe it?

A Frenchman!

We had a dog!

Yorkshire terrier.

Rufus.

But you know what?

F*** Rufus!

'Cause he too

now seems to love the Frenchman!

- Uh, who do I--

- I gotta have my manual.

- Hello? Hello?

- Where's my manual?

- So tonight, at lights out,

grabbed my weapon,

and I came to kill them,

Rufus included.

But they weren't home.

I have the worse luck.

- I'm sorry.

Had we known, we would've

gone to Six Flags.

- I'm on hold.

- I got it! I found the manual.

- I change my mind.

I'm not gonna kill them.

- I'm gonna kill myself.

- Uh, well, that's

sad to hear, but if--

- You know, I heard when you

fire a bullet into your head,

your entire skull explodes.

You know, as opposed to this

sort of little, red bullet-hole

thing you see in the movies.

- What's the difference?

You're dead!

- Why kill yourself?

It's not gonna make her

come back to you.

- But it'll put me

out of my misery.

And it'll hurt her.

She'll never be the same.

- You're wrong, 'cause time

will pass, and she'll be fine.

- How do you know?

- Because that's

the way it works.

- How do you know?

- It has to be.

- So then I'm screwed.

If I kill myself, it

accomplishes nothing,

plus I'm dead.

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