My Sassy Girl Page #4

If I don't, I get court-

martialled for desertion.

- Of the two, I would go with

the court martial though.

Good luck!

- You know what?

Your eyebrows remind me

of the Frenchman's

- Take me. Let her go.

- What?

- Jordan, it's been very nice

getting to know you a little.

Um, happy birthday.

- No.

- This is between you and me.

Let her go.

- Drop your weapon!

- I will not!

You drop your weapons!

- No, you drop your weapon!

- You drop your weapons!

- Wait!

- You drop your weapon!

- You can't make me!

- Yes, I can!

- You drop your weapon!

- No, you!

- Just wait a second!

Just please, wait!

- No, you!

- Wait a minute!

Listen to me!

You're girlfriend, she

broke your heart, didn't she?

- Yes!

- She left you.

She broke her promise

and betrayed you.

- Yes!

Yes, she did.

- Some of us are

meant to suffer!

Some of us are

led to believe

that we have

this certain destiny,

and then it just

gets snatched away.

But we have to stay alive.

Because we have to see...

how the story ends.

Right?

Please.

- Hey!

If you're smart

you'll stay with her!

She's a great girlfriend!

I can tell.

Suspect is down!

I say again:

suspect is down!

- We're just friends.

So that's what you think?

- Not exactly, um,

I--I--I hadn't--

I--I don't know what category.

- Listen!

We're seeing each other.

- We are?

- Of course.

- OK!

Her birthday was

an unmitigated disaster,

but all things considered...

- Come on!

-...I felt pretty good,

because I had seen

the depth of her soul,

and I found out

we were seeing each other.

- Gotcha!

- Hey! Let's do this.

- Oh, yeah!

- Oh!

- Aah!

- Whoops!

Oh! Wait!

# Pachelbel's Canon #

- Ow! Ow! Ow!

Some days with her were...

painful.

OK, Rork wins

- Roark!

- So, are there

any questions about...

- But hours without her

were even worse.

Hi. Waiting.

- You look just like him.

- Uh, I've been told.

- You're his brother?

- Cousin.

- Ah!

I miss him and your aunt.

They came in here

every Sunday for years,

always took

the same table.

She's hardly

been back since.

- Um--

- You miss me?

- Yeah.

- Great. Thank you!

- Certainly.

- I have a present for you.

- Do you?

- Ta-da!

- Oh, good!

- What?

You don't wanna read it?

- No, I--I--

I most certainly do.

Thank you.

Bounty hunter.

- It's a Western!

And the outlaw's name is Chuck!

- The heroine was

a mysterious bounty hunter,

who arrived one day

from parts unknown.

- The Bounty Hunter!

It's good title!

- It's a great title!

- Read it.

- I'm not good at

reading and talking.

- Read it!

- OK, I'm reading it.

- Are you reading it?

- I am, uh, reading it.

- Just picture it, OK?

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Do-do-do! Do-do-do!

Oh, how you'll like it!

- She kills him.

What a shock!

Only then does she reveal

where she came from...

The future.

- Isn't it great?

- Ooh! It's, uh...

It is...

It's is...

Uh... question.

Why, uh, why does the heroine

always come from the future?

- Because I believe

in time travel.

I believe that in the future

it's already been invented,

and that there are people from

the future with us as we speak.

And I think that one day,

I will eventually meet

someone from the future.

- I'm sure you will then.

- I have another

present for you.

- OK.

What is that?

- You've been granted an

interview with the vampire.

A regional sales manager

named Mr. Phipps,

who will be selecting

Tiller King management trainees.

Drinks tomorrow.

His hotel.

- OK, that is great news.

Um, where did you get this?

- Your mailbox.

- You went through my mail?

Why would you go--

That's illegal! You're not--

- Are we gonna argue about that?

- Yes!

- Or are you gonna have

a great dinner tonight,

wake up tomorrow and have

an amazing interview

and call me the second

that it's done.

- What a city, huh, Charlie?

- Yes, sir!

Yes, sir, Mr. Phipps.

- You know,

I can never remember.

Is the Bronx up

or the Battery down

or the Battery up

and the Bronx down?

- First one, I think.

- Right! Right!

Sure!

- Drinks, gentlemen?

- Diet Pepsi, please.

- And for you?

- 2 Diet Pepsis, comin' up!

- So, Charlie!

Your dad works at the

maintenance facility

in French Lick?

- Uh, 27 years, sir, yes.

- Looked him up.

He is a model employee.

I mean, you only wish

every employee was cut

from the same cloth!

if you're a chip off

that block, let me tell you,

I think your chances

are pretty good indeed.

- Uh, that is--

- All right!

- Diet Pepsi for you.

Diet Pepsi for you!

Oops!

And a double tequila for me!

Charlie, push over.

- You two know each other?

- Uh, this, uh,

this is Mr. Phipps.

This is Jordan Roark.

We are-- She--

We're--

we're seeing each other.

- Well!

- Oh!

- It's a pleasure to

meet you, Miss Roark.

- Oh, well the pleasure

is all mine, Mr. Phipps.

- To the Tiller King Company!

- Yes, indeed!

- Oh boy!

- Oh!

Oh.

Dmitri!

Can I get another one?

- Right away!

- Oh, I'm sorry,

did you-- anything else?

- No, no, no.

We're good.

- Uh, Mr. Phipps--

- How did you two

meet each other?

- Uh--

- Well, it depends

on who you believe.

Either I got drunk and passed

out in the subway platform,

or he drugged me.

- She's so silly!

- I see!

- Tequila? Double?

- Yes, thank you!

To the Tiller King

Company! Whoo!

- Righty-o!

- Cheers!

- Righty-o!

- Um, as I was, uh...

- Ah!

-...saying about

the annual report, uh...

- Dmitri! Another!

- Got it!

- Oh, there I go again.

Anyone else?

- No.

- No, thank you.

- Oh boy!

- Um, I, uh--

- How long have

you two been together?

- Oh, not very long.

We're still in

the beginning phases.

I haven't seen his penis yet.

- There you are!

- Ha ha!

Tequila double.

Thank you!

Hey! Do not lose that bottle!

- I won't!

- To the King Killerton...

Tiller King,

King Tiller. Whatever!

Cheers.

Oh god!

- She's, um--

- That is wrong, but so good!

- She's-- She's uh...

She's gone through

a lot recently.

- Charlie?

- Yeah, yeah.

You're-- You OK?

Oh, OK.

It's OK. It's OK.

- Oh god!

- I should get her--

- Can I help you?

- No, no, no!

It's easy as pie.

Um, a pleasure, sir.

Really, I look forward to, um,

to--to hearing from you and--

- Give me a call.

- I'm gonna get her

outta here. I'm sorry.

Bye!

- To the Killer Ting!

- Shh!

- I'm concerned, Charlie.

I mean, I get it.

This girl's smart,

she's interesting,

she's insanely hot,

she's making you live.

So what I'm going to say,

should be heard within

that context.

OK.

She's a friggin' nut!

She's bent on destroying you

in every way possible,

your physical person,

your emotional person,

your personal person!

Add those things up,

that's a whole person!

Now, there's something

to be said for being

exquisitely tortured

and financially bled.

As long as

it's by the right girl.

What bothers me

is that while you do perform

many of the traditional

functions of a boyfriend,

you are not,

it is my understanding,

sleeping with her.

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