My Sassy Girl Page #5

Is that correct?

- You know, it is possible

for two people

to have a relationship

without sleeping together.

- Yes, and they have

a word for that.

Friendship.

- Oh, sure, yeah!

Where'd you get that?

Your German porn collection?

Everything will work

itself out in due time.

She is still getting over

her break-up.

- Forget about the sex then.

Let's just talk about what

the sex brings with it:

mainly, a little emotional

investment on her part.

In the absence of which,

she could really wind up

killing you, Charlie.

- OK, all right.

On the reasons-to-

stop-seeing-her side, we have

One, on-going physical danger.

Two, high likelihood

of a broken heart.

Three, uh, career sabotage.

Four, she is clinically insane.

Five, she seems to enjoy

my pain.

Six...

14-piece match set of

Louis Vuitton emotional baggage.

Seven, I haven't even

kissed her yet for god's sake!

Uh, 5, 6, 7...

Eight, she's ruining my life.

- And the reasons

to keep seeing her?

- I'm in love with her.

- Hello.

- I'm sorry about the interview.

- Yeah, I really wish

you hadn't done that.

I couldn't let you just give

your life and your brain

to those people.

- I want to give my life

and my brain to those people.

- No, you don't!

Just think of it as

me saving you from yourself.

- I see.

Come on, Charlie,

that's why human beings exist!

To save each other

from ourselves.

- It's an interesting theory.

- I still wanna

make it up to you.

Tomorrow's our 33rd day

since we met.

- Is it?

- Meet me at

Arts and Sciences, Room 105,

at 1:
00 o'clock

tomorrow afternoon.

And bring a single red rose.

- No! No!

No! You know what?

You can't--

You can't, uh,

just boss me around, you know?

Enough is enough.

Hello? Are you there?

Are you there?

Hello? Hello?

OK.

- Aw, crap!

Uh...

OK, uh, one single red rose,

like she said.

# Pachelbel's Canon #

# # #

Whatever she was going through,

it was beyond anything

in my experience,

and beyond my ability to fix.

I had no right to judge her.

If I chose to stay with her,

knowing the risks,

all I could do

was give her love and respect...

and see how the story would end.

# # #

- I don't wear underwear

on days I play the piano.

- Really.

- Should we get out of here?

- Yeah.

- Uh--

Aw, my feet are killing me.

- I could give

you a foot rub.

- No, no, we'll

just exchange shoes.

- What?

- No!

No!

- Fine!

- Fine!

- # Dum-dee-dum-

dee-dee-do-dee #

These aren't gonna work.

- That's what I thought.

We didn't know if it was

sleeping, or whatever,

and so he was like:

"Why don't you throw

a rock at it?"

And I was like:
"No,

you throw a rock at it.

By this point,

we were only 7 years old.

I didn't know if I was

right or left-handed--

- I bet the water isn't very

deep. What do you think?

- Uh, I was-- I was kind of

in the middle of a--

I don't know.

I don't have any way to--

- Why don't you come sit up here

and tell me what you think?

- That's not gonna

help me fi--

It's kind of

dangerous, actually.

We can go to

tourist information,

or maybe on the Internet.

- Charlie, don't be

such a wuss!

I just wanna know

how deep it is!

- I'm not a wu--

There's a sign!

It's forbidden!

- Yeah, OK.

Just finish your story.

- Whoa!

- Whoopsie!

- Why me?

- Well, that's

surprisingly deep.

Charlie!

- OK, OK.

- Was that deep enough for you?

- So it's true?

- What?

- You don't wear

underwear on recital days.

- I never lie.

- Oh, wow!

Oh! Damn it!

- Yes! Yes!

- Sorry.

I'm sorry!

- Great!

- Um, sorry.

- Jordan.

- It's late.

- Could be worse.

- Good night, young man.

- It's OK.

- I--I'm sorry.

- I said goodnight, young man.

- Dad, enough, OK?

I'm allowed to have

whoever I want over.

- I'm sick and tired of it.

I've had it!

- I don't want to

hear it anymore!

-...loss of control

over yourself!

I told you not to

see him anymore!

Do you understand me?

- What you're trying

to do is not helping.

- How do you know what

I'm trying to do?

- You know what--

- I'm trying to make

you responsible...

# I've seen faces around #

- I didn't hear from her

for a couple weeks.

# While many often

bring me down #

Three weeks, actually.

# Spin me around... #

And 4 days... 9 hours,

20 minutes,

6 and a half seconds...roughly.

# This crazy situation's been

runnin' my mind... #

# To satisfy my superstitions #

# You see me runnin'... #

- I have to go to the bathroom.

- OK!

# With superstitions #

- Whoa!

# Need contradictions #

# For my superstitions #

- Hello.

- It's me.

- Hi.

- Come to the restaurant

near the park.

Now.

- Uh, why?

- 'Cause there's someone

I want you to meet.

- Who?

- A guy.

- I can't.

- Why not?

- I am out with a girl.

- No, you're not.

- Yeah, I am.

- Are you on your way?

- No, I'm not coming!

Nice penis. Gotta go!

- That was really, really nice.

- You should've called me.

Why didn't you call me?

- I know,

I shouldn't be drinking.

- I told you!

- Hello?

- Hi!

I'm Jean-Jacques.

It's nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- Please, have a seat.

- Were you really

with a girl?

- No, I was with a guy.

- I knew it.

- Well, uh, Charlie,

I've heard a lot about you.

- Have you?

- I understand you're

a good friend of Jordan's.

- That's right.

- Would you excuse me, please?

- Where's Charlie?

- He left.

He said he had to study.

- Oh.

- You were right.

I liked him very much.

In fact, he gave me 10 rules

to follow in our relationship,

which I thought was

a little odd, but generous.

- What were they?

- Let's see.

First, don't let her drink.

When she does,

use the fireman's carry.

Be prepared to go to jail.

- Don't expect

a lot of help from her dad.

Whatever you think

is gonna happen next,

you're wrong.

If her feet hurt,

exchange shoes with her.

Learn to say

the following phrase

over and over to yourself:

It's all part of the charm.

On your 33rd day together,

bring her a single rose.

Give it to her

in her recital class.

If she says she's

gonna kill you,

don't assume

it's a metaphor.

She likes to write.

Encourage her.

And finally,

your time with her

will be the happiest

you've been in your life.

Enjoy every second.

- Hey, watch out!

- Charlie.

Wake up!

Hey, wake up!

- What?

Attention passengers on...

downtown platform.

- What kind of diction

is that?

How could anyone

understand you?

- Should I make the

announcement at all?

Because I could

easily forget the whole--

- I would rather,

if you're gonna do

something nice for someone,

that you did it

properly and well.

- This PA system is

50 years old!

If the queen of England made

the announcement

you wouldn't understand it!

- The queen wouldn't step foot

in this shithole!

- I'll tell you what.

You make the announcement.

We'll see if

you can do any better.

- Well, it couldn't

be any worse, right?

Let's see.

- Charlie? I'm sorry.

He's just a guy my father

made me go out with.

- Sorry!

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