My Sister Eileen Page #7

---

and they`re liable to tell her about us.

-Not them. They`re too regular.

-Especially that Eileen, huh?

Well, anyhow, I can`t stay here anymore.

Ruth told me I had to get out by tonight.

But l`ll tackle Eileen. She`s a soft touch.

You stay away from that Eileen.

Well, all right then.

Where do you want me to sleep?

Well, if we could only

scrape up a few dollars,

you could stay at the Y until Mother leaves.

Maybe we could hock something.

Yeah, that`s an idea.

-Wreck, do you think you should?

-Quiet.

They won`t lend you a dime on that.

Yeah, but this gold frame might be worth

a couple of bucks.

There, the room looks a lot better

without it already.

I`ll hide it out in the back alley until later.

-Wreck, you`re so ingenious.

-Lucky you.

-Hello, Helen. Where`s the Wreck?

-He`s around, like always.

Gee, the laundry looks swell.

It was awfully sweet of him.

It was a pleasure, Eileen.

Isn`t it too bad the Wreck`s leaving today?

You`re gonna miss him.

Yes, we will. He`s certainly a handy man

to have around the house.

You don`t have

to tell me the Wreck`s good points.

I suppose I should thank you

for giving him back to me at all.

-You`re crazy, Helen.

-Well, l`ll be darned.

-Why, you ungrateful little... Little...

-Snip`s the word you`re reaching for, darling.

Well, this is the end.

Now, you take that Georgia Peach of yours

out of here and don`t ever come back.

That`s exactly what we`ll do.

Come on, Wreck.

You`re all wrong, Helen. Why, if I ever

even thought about Eileen in that way,

may I be struck dead on this spot.

That was a close call, Wreck.

-Helen, are you in there?

-Mother!

That`s the man.

What are you doing associating

with these horrible people?

Well, now, just a minute.

If you dare to address me, l`ll call the police.

You get upstairs.

-Hello, Helen.

-Doesn`t anybody knock around here?

Hello, girls. I`m Effie. I dropped in

on you the other night, remember?

Hiya, muscle-bound.

Hey, how are you two lovebirds?

-What? What did you say? Helen.

-No, no, Mother, we`re married.

-To that?

-See here...

Shut up. Upstairs.

I`m gonna wait until Mother`s Day

and then sock her.

Did I talk out of turn?

No, no, no, you just added

a little pleasant excitement to the day.

Say, have I had any callers

since you kids moved in here?

-One or two.

-I thought so.

-Eileen, will you put the clothes away, dear?

-Yes.

Well, in case they come around,

would you mind giving them my new cards?

Psychic readings, huh?

You ought to leave some of those

at the Russian Blini.

What do you two kids do to earn a living,

that is, when you can find it?

-Well, I act, and my sister writes.

-When we can find it.

Say, they`re crying for your type

in musical shows. I got loads of contacts.

-Really?

-That`s not my sister`s line.

Thanks just the same.

Okay. Okay.

Well, kids, bonjour.

-Sure you left enough cards?

-Temporarily.

So long.

-She`s really an awfully nice girl.

-Yeah, the spiritual type.

Well, what happened today?

You didn`t get into anybody`s

inside waiting room, did you?

-No, I was at the food show.

-What are they casting at the food show?

Well, I saw a lot of people coming out

with big bags of samples,

so I thought we might

as well have some, too.

We`ve got enough junk here

for a week. Look!

``Vita-Kernels.`` ``Zippies.``

``Rough-O.``

``Nature`s Broom.``

Gonna have breakfast all day long.

But it`s good for you. It`s roughage.

I`d like to vary it with a little smoothage,

like a steak.

I forgot. Frank and I are friends again.

I explained everything.

Who did you tell him Effie was,

our fairy godmother?

Gee, I had a swell lunch.

I had tomato juice,

a pimento and olive sandwich,

a tuna surprise, a giant double malt

with marble cake.

That`s right, dear. Keep your strength up.

You`re eating for two now.

Well, it`s a funny thing, Ruth.

You don`t seem to be losing any weight.

How can I on potatoes, bread and spaghetti?

I`m starving all day long,

and I keep getting fatter.

I think l`ll go on a diet of Nature`s Broom.

``Delicious with strawberries and cream.``

What isn`t?

You know, I wouldn`t mind this place,

or chiseling our meals, or anything,

if I only thought

it was getting us somewhere.

Ruth, do you think we ought to go home

for a little vacation?

No, I think we ought to stay right here

and do a little work.

You remember, darling,

if at first you don`t succeed,

it`s simple, you just tackle it again.

You write 50 million words

and then 100 million words after that.

Some of them are bound to fall together

right, if only by the law of averages.

Well, we certainly could wire Father

before starving to death.

No, we can`t.

We took an oath on that, remember?

Now, I want a little quiet around here.

You can start by bolting the front door.

Yes, Ruth.

Congratulate me, young ladies.

Today is the big day.

Tonight my one-man show opens.

I have come to take my...

What kind of funny game goes on here?

Where is my painting?

-Didn`t you take it?

-I didn`t even notice it was gone.

Do not bother to give me a cock-and-bull

story. What have you done with it?

Why, it must have been stolen.

Maybe it was the same gang

that swiped the Mona Lisa.

If you didn`t take it, who did?

You know everybody

who comes into this apartment.

We don`t even know half of them,

including you.

My dear lady, that painting was the last

existing canvas of my blue-green period.

What happened to the others? Termites?

-That`s your last word?

-Termites.

That`s all I want to know.

Didn`t even notice it was gone.

Ruth, I wonder

who could have taken that thing.

There must be an idiot sneak thief

in the neighborhood.

-Now, Eileen, bolt that back door.

-The lock is broken.

What`s the matter, Ruth?

You look terribly down.

Didn`t you finish your story?

Yeah, it`s finished. It was great.

I was famous.

The world was dangling contracts

in front of me by the thousands.

We were just rolling in money.

Then Mr. Craven woke me up.

The story was thrown out.

-Mr. Baker fought for it and was fired.

-Ruth!

It`s bad enough

to feel you can`t write your own name,

but it`s on account of my stuff

that Bob Baker`s life is turned inside out.

I`m a jinx besides.

Gee, Ruth, if you start feeling that way,

who`s gonna hold me up?

I`m not worried about you, Eileen.

Not while there`s a man alive.

But after all, men are only an escape.

Comes another escape.

Sherwood residence. Miss Ruth Sherwood.

-For me?

-Who`s calling?

What? What? Yes, yes, she`s here.

Just a minute. Wait a second.

Ruth, it`s Chic Clark`s paper.

Hello. Yes, yes, this is she. Her. She.

What? Yes, Mr. Bains. Yes, Mr. Bains.

Thank you, Mr... Thank you, Mr. Bains.

Yes. Yes, of course. Paper and pencil, quick.

-What is it? What happened?

-Hurry. Hurry. Hurry up.

Yes, yes, l`m ready, Mr. Bains.

Sands. Sands Street, Brooklyn.

Yes. Sure. Sure, I understand.

Yes, right away, Mr. Bains.

-I can`t believe it.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes