My Super Ex-Girlfriend Page #5

- It's crazy.

- Don't call me crazy!

See? That's the kind of thing I'm talking

about. I can't handle that on a daily basis.

Well, handle this.

What are you doing?!

You are so gonna regret this.

Oh, man.

- Wednesday? Thursday?

- No. No.

Friday? Saturday? Sunday?

Brunch? In the day?

Don't speak to me.

Oh, well. Look at it this way.

The hard part is over.

I don't know. She said I'd regret it.

Don't worry about that. They always say that.

Yeah?

I guess you're right.

You know, there's something that I've been

dying to tell you ever since I found it out.

- Found out what?

- I just need you to promise me...

- I promise.

- Hold on, let me finish, this is serious.

- I need you to promise me that you're not...

- I promise. I won't tell anybody. Tell me.

You know Jenny?

Yeah.

She's G-Girl.

Bullshit.

Bullshit.

Apparently, this old dog

still has a few tricks left.

Oh, my God, you have been doing G-Girl!

- I know! It's unbelievable. Me.

- Incredible.

- I can't believe it.

- Knuckles.

Imagine the heat I'll have

with the women when they find out.

Wait. Whoa. Isn't she gonna mind

you revealing her secret identity?

I warned you, Matt Saunders!

No!

Watch it, dumb-ass!

- What's wrong?

- Nothing.

What could be wrong?

Everything's great. Never better.

Tell me.

OK. I, uh... I broke up with Jenny.

You were right. I mean, she is

totally deranged, off-her-rocker crazy.

I should have listened to you

from the beginning.

Why don't you lay off

the crazy women for a while, huh?

Come here. I'm sorry.

Hey, Hannah.

There's been something that I've been

meaning to tell you for a long time.

Yes?

It's about you and...

- Sorry. Are you OK?

- Out. Now.

I'm going through a weird phase.

- I saw that!

- What? No, it was nothing, Carla.

Nothing? You knocked her down! You hit her!

- Was there groping? Did he grope you?

- No, it was an accident.

An accident? OK, like a fender-bender?

Here, we need to talk. Come here.

Listen, my friend.

You are headed for some serious trouble.

- Don't make excuses. That's the first mistake.

- OK.

You have got to get your mind out of the

gutter long enough to nail this presentation.

- I hear you, homegirl. I got it.

- What? What did you just call me?!

What? I don't know.

If the company doesn't get this project,

we're going to take a major hit.

You really have a problem. Call my therapist.

OK, I'll call him... her.

- Matt.

- What?

- Phone call.

- Oh, man.

That boy has a major case of the hornies.

Yeah?

There's the young kid that zooms around

in here. Did he do something?

- It's just up here.

- Looks like they broke in, fried the camera

and then blew a huge hole

through the wall.

- I've never seen nothing like it.

- Don't make no sense.

We got a lot of nice cars -

his is the only one they took.

B*tch.

Somebody went to a lot of trouble.

You know who could have done this?

No. No, I don't.

- Somebody with a grudge against you?

- Grudge? Against me?

No. No, I don't. I'm sorry.

- We'll let you know if it turns up.

- OK.

- Let's get to the paperwork.

- I wouldn't hold my breath on that, sir.

Gentlemen...

If you look closely, our model here...

What the hell...?

Oh, that's just great.

Oh, sh*t! I just got that fixed.

Sorry, just came to use your telescope.

Nice and dark, isn't it?

Wait a second. Is this all because of you?

Yep, that'd be me. Ah, yes.

There we go.

Come and have a look-see.

I don't see any...

- That's real mature.

- Save you a fortune in parking.

Why are you doing this to me?

I mean, you're supposed to be the good guy.

I am the good guy. You are the bad guy.

It's been a pleasure seeing you,

but I got a big day at the office tomorrow.

I've got an important presentation to make,

so I need to get some sleep.

I'm gonna have to say good night. You might

be the hottest girl I've ever gone out with,

but you wanna know something?

You're the craziest, hands down!

- Really?

- Aargh!

Dick?!

Will we begin soon?

I'm so sorry you've been kept waiting.

I apologize. It's very rude.

Just a few more minutes, please.

- Hi. Excuse me, hi.

- Glad you could join us.

Can you tell me why you're wearing a hat?

- No.

- Why am I not surprised?

- Hi. How are you?

- We can finally begin.

- Gentlemen, I give you Matt Saunders.

- You OK?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

OK, gentlemen...

OK. Our design integrates

classic architectural ideas

from the history of Chinese culture

and transforms them

into a contemporary 21st century esthetic.

But you can see clearly

that functionality has not been sac...

Sac...

Sacrificed, as you can see here

by the multiple entrances to the central

multipurpose courtyard area.

Exactly. Exactly. Right.

And with a total capacity for...

You are one sick bastard!

Oh, man. I am so, so sorry.

Thanks.

- You gotta laugh to keep from crying, right?

- Vaughn, shh!

Sorry.

Man, no woman's ever done that to me,

and I actually am a dick.

OK, all done.

I am so sorry that you got fired.

What happened in there?

Why did you...

It's hard to explain.

Let's just say it's a good time for me to leave.

- Where are you going?

- Don't know. Don't care.

Look, if there's something wrong,

I'd like to help.

Look, Hannah. Please just stay

as far away from me as possible, OK?

If something were to happen to you

because of me,

I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

Oh, damn!

May we come in?

Nice place.

You broke her heart, didn't you?

What do you need? Why are you here?

I'm in the middle of a project.

The same as you -

to get her out of my life for good.

I want you to help me neutralize her.

Hey, whatever she's done to me,

I'm not gonna help you kill her.

I didn't say "kill", I said "neutralize".

It's a neutral word.

"Kill" is "kill". This is Switzerland.

I have developed the means

of permanently stripping her of her powers.

No powers?

So she'd just be another average,

everyday, run-of-the-mill, crazy ex-girlfriend?

Yeah. That's gotta be better.

- So what would you want me to do?

- Draw her out into the open.

Help me get her when her guard is down,

when she's vulnerable.

Look, I don't mean to offend you,

but you have a reputation for doing things

that most people would consider to be...

No-nos?

Yes.

Yeah. Nothing to worry about. I'm retiring.

- From supervillainy?

- Yeah.

That's good. Look, if you're going to retire,

why not just forget about her?

That's what I'm gonna do.

I'm leaving town.

Because that woman, she just won't

leave me alone. She's obsessed with me.

She has harassed me at every turn

and she never, ever stops.

So when you finally realize that she is not the

woman who is ever going to forget about you,

- then you give me a call.

- OK.

All right?

Or you can email me

at "professorbedlam.com".

It's all one word.

I think I'll just, uh... give running away a try.

It's Matt.

Please leave a message.

Matt, it's Hannah.

Are you there? Please pick up.

I... I need your help.

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