My Super Ex-Girlfriend Page #4

All right, now. G-Girl's hair after.

Yes! Yes!

- Saunders, what's wrong?

- I got a splinter in my finger.

- Let me see.

- It's no big deal. I can get it out, I just need...

- Come here. I'm good at this.

- What are you gonna do?

Hold on.

Hey, how did you do that?

Well, I have my ways.

- Thanks.

- You're welcome.

Jenny, what...

What are you doing in New Jersey?

I called your office

and found out where you were.

I thought I would surprise you.

- Are you surprised?

- I am surprised. I wanted to...

Thanks. Good to see you.

Let me introduce you to Hannah Lewis.

- This is Jenny Johnson.

- Hi. It's really nice to finally meet you.

- Saunders talks about you all the time.

- I do.

- I feel like I already know you.

- Really?

Cos I feel like I'm just getting to know you.

OK. Hey, um... Got an idea.

Hannah and her boyfriend Steve, I was

thinking, maybe we go out this weekend,

just the two couples, two happy couples,

hit the town? What do you say?

- Great.

- Great.

Great.

Oh, OK.

Bye.

I'm sorry, guys. I have some bad news.

- You got a little something right there.

- Oh, thank you.

Steve can't make it.

He had an emergency thong shoot.

- A thong shoot emergency?

- Yeah, well, you know,

one bad wedgie can be fatal.

Yeah.

Where's our stupid waiter? Sir!

Hold on. Something's going on.

The Pentagon has confirmed

an errant test missile

is in fact on a direct course

for the tristate area.

So far, all attempts to detonate or intercept

the missile have been unsuccessful.

Great. Perfect.

If it strikes within the city,

the death toll could reach into the thousands.

- That does not sound good.

- Yeah, it sounds serious.

Maybe somebody should do something.

Mm-hm, yeah, like the air force.

It's their job, right?

So, Hannah, how long

have you and Matty known each other?

Well, we started working together at Cockrum

about three years ago.

We're getting reports of sporadic

looting from the Bronx to Staten Island.

The government has urged people

not to panic and to stay in their homes.

Mmm, gnocchi. Gnocchi sounds good.

Anyone want to share a gnocchi?

I'm sorry, but what if

the air force can't stop it?

Somebody else might need to step in.

Maybe somebody deserves one night out

without having to deal

with some impending disaster.

I think someone has earned it. Don't you?

Are you on a diet?

What are you gonna order?

I don't know. I mean, shouldn't

we be leaving? Is this safe here?

Sir! Can we get some service here?

I mean, I'm filling up on baguette.

I think everybody's preoccupied

with what's happening.

Maybe if someone

could just take care of the problem,

everyone can have a better night,

a smoother night, know what I mean?

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?

- Yeah, I'd appreciate it.

In fact, I'd superappreciate it.

All right. Fine!

Is she OK? Where is she going?

She's fine. She gets stressed.

I have her looping around the block.

Too late for a mass evacuation, the situation

is dangerous and potentially catastrophic.

But all the citizens of New York can do

is sit, wait and pray for a miracle.

We're now getting a live picture of the missile

as it approaches the city.

It appears certain that... Wait, what is that?

It is G-Girl!

- She is approaching the errant missile.

- Love that girl!

My God!

She just kicked it.

She just deflected the missile

away from the city.

We're safe! We are safe!

G-Girl! G-Girl! G-Girl!

You know, Matt, there are some things

I don't need infravision to see through.

Sorry, what are you talking about?

You and that slut from your office - Hannah.

She is not a slut.

That is a terrible thing to say, Jenny.

- You want to screw her, don't you?

- No. No, I do not.

I don't believe you.

Can I say something?

Her boyfriend's a male model, OK? A model.

I don't think she'd be very interested

in a guy like me.

I see your point.

So you want to screw her, you just can't,

because she's got a boyfriend.

No, I'm just saying that we're friends

who work together. We're work friends.

Don't lie to me!

- What the hell did you do that for?

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'll pay for that, I swear.

OK, don't... d-don't do that.

Don't cry, OK? It'll be OK.

I know I get a little crazy sometimes.

It's just...

I love you so much.

OK... OK...

- Hey.

- Hey. How's it going?

Oh, sorry.

Look at her. She's like a cheerleader

from Spank Me University.

Dude, what's wrong?

You look like sh*t.

Let's go with the lighter weight today,

shall we?

I'm actually thinking that

my first impression of Jenny was accurate.

- Oh, no.

- Yeah, complete emotional basket case.

- Needy, jealous...

- Mm-hm. Jealous.

...control...

- Controlling. A trifecta. Perfect.

The truth is, I don't even love her.

I'm in love with somebody else.

You're in love with somebody else? Who?

Is it me? Oh, my God, it's me, isn't it?

I feel the same way. I totally...

That's not a good sign, is it?

- Who are you talking about?

- I don't wanna say. Not until I've told her.

But, I mean, first I have

to break it off with Jenny.

- God knows how I'm gonna do that.

- OK, come with me. Listen.

There are only two ways to successfully

break it off with a woman.

You can either be a jerk or a weenie.

Now, the jerk route is simple. You're like,

"Hey, babe, listen up. I'm dumping your ass."

Just like that. It's quick, it's easy, it's painless.

- I don't think you have the balls for it.

- Well, what's the weenie route?

OK, good. Weenie route. Let's go with that.

Sit real close, keep it romantic, OK?

Keep a kind of a sparkle in the eye,

take her hand. Give me your hand.

You say, "Sweetheart,

I think we need to take a little time off

from the relationship to re-evaluate things."

Don't return any of her calls

for a year and a half.

Pretty soon she'll give up

and you'll be in the clear.

I can't believe I actually listen to you.

Another thing. Make sure you do it

after you've had sex with her.

It's really difficult the other way around.

I was thinking, maybe we should

take a little time to...

re-examine where this is going.

My God.

Are you breaking up with me?

No. No. Not at all.

I mean, I just... I think it would be wise

to try and evaluate where we stand,

just to make sure we're on the same page.

So you're not saying that we should

start seeing other people or anything?

No. No.

No, I'm not saying that.

OK, good. You scared me there for a second.

Although seeing other people might

eventually be a part of the evaluation process.

Oh, my God.

You are breaking up with me.

- Jenny, it's not you, OK?

- Shut up!

I know exactly what it is.

It's that slut from your office, Hannah.

- You're sleeping with her.

- I am not sleep...

- But you want to!

- Jenny, now, hold on a second, OK?

You're such a liar!

Look, I am not a liar, all right? You wanna

know the truth? It's not Hannah, OK? It's you.

You're needy, jealous, manipulative.

I can't take it anymore.

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