My Super Ex-Girlfriend Page #3

OK, so what do you want from me?

Are you seeing anyone, Mr. Saunders?

Are you asking me out? Ow!

I want you to tell me everything you know

about your new girlfriend.

- Jenny?

- Yes. Jenny.

Where does she like to go?

What does she like to do?

What music does she listen to?

Is she afraid of bugs?

Is she a dog person or a cat person?

- Does she wear panties...

- OK, now, look. Hold on just a goddamn...

Now, look.

It's gotta stop with the slapping, all right?!

I just don't feel real comfortable telling you,

a total stranger, someone's private habits.

You gotta understand that, right?

Of course.

Please, someone! Help! Help!

Save me! Please!

Weasel!

Hey! Help! Yeah, you! You!

Get somebody from the Park Service!

Oh, jeez!

No! Help me! Oh, no!

Oh, my God!

- G-Girl! G-Girl, you saved me. Thank you!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Whoa! Hold me! Hold me!

- Don't look at me!

- But I just wanted to...

- Don't look at me!

OK, yeah. No looking. Got you. Roger.

Wow.

Looks like little Jenny's

been cashing in on her superpowers.

Idiot! We don't want her to know

we dropped by.

Ah.

Perfect.

So I'm falling,

I mean, hurdling through the sky.

And just as I'm about to bite it,

and I mean out of nowhere,

she just catches me

and sets me right on the ground.

It was unbelievable.

The weird thing is, though,

that Bedlam guy,

he kept asking me about you.

- Do you know him?

- No, how could I know him?

- That's what I was thinking.

- So what was she like?

G-Girl?

I didn't really get a good look at her,

but to tell you the truth,

- she wasn't really what I expected, you know.

- In what way?

- I don't know. She just seemed a little...

- Brainy?

- Not really.

- Exotic? Effervescent?

No, I kind of got this vibe

she was a little nuts.

Nuts?! Maybe she was a little bit preoccupied,

having searched the entire city to save you

from being squished like a bug

on a windshield!

You girls all really stick together, don't you?

I like it. You're like one big gang.

- Rule number one about crossing the street?

- Look both ways.

That's right.

Jenny!

- One of you call 911!

- I'm fine. I'm fine. That was close.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

- You're not fine. How can you be fine?

- Look, Matt, I can walk.

Don't move. You probably have

internal bleeding and don't know it.

- No, not even a scratch.

- You are in shock.

Did anyone see this? It's like a miracle.

Truly, it's like a miracle.

I mean, are you sure that you're OK?

I mean, you seem to be walking fine.

Yeah.

This is the first time

that I've ever brought anybody here.

- Ever.

- Really? Wow.

Yeah, it seems like a really great place.

I'm still just kind of wondering

what the hell happened out there.

I know.

I didn't expect to do this.

At least, not yet anyway.

- But it's good. It's good.

- OK.

Cos what we have is so very, very special.

- I trust you.

- OK.

There should be nothing hanging between us.

Especially not this, don't you think?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'll have to show you.

You look nice without your glasses.

You look good with them too.

I'll hold them for you.

OK...

I don't know what the explanation is,

but I like it already.

Unless it's one of those Crying Game things?

It's not that, is it? I mean, I'm from Denver.

Just wait.

You got a G-Girl costume on.

That's...

Kind of went all out, didn't you?

And you even dyed your...

Oh.

Wow!

Are you kidding me?

Oh, man. This is incredible.

- But you can't tell anyone!

- Yeah, nobody except Vaughn.

He slept with a Victoria's Secret model,

I've never heard the end of it.

- This will blow that out of the water.

- No! Nobody.

Matt, you have to promise me

you'll never, ever tell anyone.

- Fine, you got it.

- No matter what, you will never tell anyone.

Hey, I swear.

Say you'd rather have a chain saw

shoved up your ass than tell.

- Is that actually a possibility?

- Say it!

I'd rather have a chain saw

shoved up my ass than tell.

OK.

So this Bedlam guy, he's like

your arch nemesis or something?

Uh-huh. He's been a pain in the butt ever

since we had this falling out in high school.

- You guys went to school together?

- Mm-hm.

Wow.

By the way, his name's not really Bedlam.

It's Barry. Barry Edward Lambert.

Bedlam, get it?

Back then, we were both kind of outcasts.

Everybody else hated us.

Nerd alert! Here come the geeks.

So we looked out for each other.

It's only natural

that we spent a lot of time together.

We really liked each other.

It was close to the end of our junior year

when I decided it was about time

to get the virginity thing over with.

I mean, Barry was harmless enough.

I figured it might as well be him, right?

He was having some trouble

getting his pants off.

And that's when it happened.

Jenny!

Come on!

This is not how I planned this evening.

Oh, my God. Look at that.

It's so cool.

- What are you doing?

- Isn't it amazing?

Don't. It could be dangerous.

When I got back to school,

even with a wig,

people noticed

there was something different about me.

Hi, girls. Ooh, my glasses.

And it worked for me.

Hey.

Ugh!

Unfortunately, Barry and I grew apart.

He stopped talking to me.

And then ignored me totally.

Anyway, things got worse between us

after I graduated.

I committed to being a full-time superhero

and he fell into the evil mastermind business,

yada-yada-yada. That's my story.

Wow.

And this whole time,

I just had this weird feeling

that there was just something

a little off about you.

- Really?

- You just had a secret, that's all.

- A supersecret.

- Now we both do.

- May I ask you something?

- What?

I just think it could

maybe be a fun thing to try.

It's kind of a request.

Sure.

- Be right back.

- OK.

Is this what you had in mind?

Oh, yeah. That's it.

Matt Saunders,

you've been a very, very evil boy.

I think you need to be brought to justice.

Yeah. I have been known

to bend a rule here and there.

Total unrelenting justice.

Hey! Wow! Sh*t!

- Don't let go, all right?

- Oh, no.

Oh, yeah, you got me.

Scared you.

Wow.

Wow, we are high.

- We are really, really high.

- Oh, yeah!

Jenny, you know, as fun as this is,

I'm feeling just a little bit emasculated here,

with you kind of carrying me around

like a toy poodle. But don't let go.

Careful. Where are you going?

Careful. Come on. Fly right.

Be careful.

- I've always wanted to try this.

- Try what?

That? Wow.

I'm not sure that's gonna work up here.

It's draughty too.

What if I do this?

- You're not wearing any underwear.

- Yeah. I thought it might be easier that way.

- Isn't this fun?

- It is fun. Yeah.

Puts a whole new twist on the mile-high club.

Ready?

Whoa. Not ready!

- No!

- Just go with it.

- Yeah, but...

- I know, I know! Don't stop! Yes.

- No!

- Yes!

- Oh, god, no!

- Yeah!

Jenny!

Yes!

Yes!

Don't ever do that again!

G-Girl's hair before.

Watch and learn.

Her body is made

of the toughest substance known to man.

But I know your secret.

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