My Town Page #2

You promised it would be fifty-fifty.

You're overwrought.

You need a break. Take five minutes!

Bye, honey.

Cynthia!

HAL:
Cynthia!

How about that?

(WHISPERING) I can't believe this.

Can you believe this?

I can't believe this.

LAURA:
So, when you think about it,

history's a lot like watching a movie or reading a novel.

It's full of wonderful characters and exciting thoughts.

Revolution,

war,

romance,

murder.

And the best part is,

it really happened.

I think we're gonna have a good time this year.

And some of you girls, I'll be seeing on Fridays too, I think.

Somehow I got stuck with the health class.

Well, I know it's customary to wait for the bell,

but since I don't have anything else to say...

Bye-bye.

STUDENT:
All right, yeah!

(WHISPERING) It's the same thing,

every morning and every night.

He stays in there for about an hour, then comes out.

So?

Why would anybody go into a storm cellar

at the same time, every morning

and every night?

How should I know?

I don't even know what a storm cellar is.

TUG:
Amber?

You're supposed to be asleep.

How come we call Lucas, "Lucas"?

AMBER:
It's too hard to explain.

Besides, he doesn't look like a grandfather.

TUG:
Oh.

What was Mom like?

She was beautiful.

Like someone you'd see in Vogue.

How come she left?

I told you.

She and Daddy were having problems.

How come she didn't come back when he died?

Go to sleep.

AMBER:
I can't believe it.

Wheelerville actually has a person over 30

you can talk to without getting a stomachache.

Miss Adams is, well...

Excellent!

The most excellent.

Oh, yeah. Lucas got me a job

giving the Fishers a hand after school.

I need the money for clothes and the Fishers need help.

A lot of help.

Tug's been acting pretty goony lately.

More than usual, I mean.

He and Billy Fisher are up to something, but I don't know what.

I don't really care,

as long as it doesn't have anything to do with any aspect of my life,

now or for the next several hundred years.

(MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY ON RADIO)

(SLOVAK SPEAKING RUSSIAN)

SLOVAK:
Whiskey, 6, Foxtrot, Romeo, Mike.

Calling Victor, United, 2.

Able, Baker, Charlie.

Calling on schedule and standing by.

(STATIC HISSES)

MAN ON RADIO:
Whiskey, 6, Foxtrot, Romeo, Mike.

This is Victor, United, 2, Able, Baker, Charlie.

Greetings from Moscow. I hope you have good news.

Over.

Negative.

The information has not arrived.

My government contact assures me it will be in tomorrow's mail.

Over.

MAN:
All right, that's good.

(LOUD BANG)

(MAN ON RADIO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

JOHN:
We've all gone along with you up to now, Lucas.

The low-interest loans, the equity sharing, no-downs,

everything.

But now you're asking us to put up capital, exclusive of the bank's reserves.

Our capital.

I'm asking you to invest in the future of this town.

It's just expensive!

How do you put a price on a way of life?

You know, I can still remember going to Mays' store as a boy.

Fletcher's daddy owned it then.

He was more stubborn than Fletcher.

Can you believe that?

That didn't bother me.

All I cared about was a vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles.

(LUCAS SIGHS)

Can't hardly get sprinkles anymore.

Once spent half a day in Cleveland looking for them.

(CHUCKLING)

Yeah, nobody has sprinkles.

All right, Lucas.

But these are getting to be the most expensive sprinkles in the country.

Well...

Pay for what you get, John.

Always did, always will.

(LUCAS SIGHS)

I'll tell you what.

To show my appreciation,

I'm gonna take you all to lunch.

(ALL EXCLAIM HAPPILY)

At Fisher's Diner.

Hmm?

Uh...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

As you know, this is Health 1-A.

Does everybody have a textbook?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Good, 'cause I have some news for you.

We won't be using a textbook.

(LAUGHS)

Or any of the other prehistoric films they used last year.

What we will be doing is, uh...

Talking.

About our bodies.

How they work.

About how they're changing.

About our reproductive system.

How it works.

About our feelings and how they relate to our bodies.

We're gonna talk about a lot of things,

but most importantly,

we're gonna talk honestly.

Now...

What should we talk about first?

(LAUGHING) Oh, come on.

Surely, there must be something on somebody's mind.

Mary Lynn, what would you like to talk about?

Getting a refund on my book.

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

He's gotta be a spy.

You're due for a brain scan real soon.

He's supposed to be a mechanic,

but he never works on cars.

He also has a radio in his storm cellar

where he goes every morning and every night.

Where he talks to Moscow.

That's in Russia!

And what does he tell Russia?

His contact in the government is giving him information.

He's a spy! A Russian spy.

What would a spy be doing in Wheelerville?

What am I doing in Wheelerville?

You know, for someone who...

Who knows it all, you don't know a whole lot.

Spies all over the place!

That's a fact!

So what if he is?

Nobody'd believe us anyway.

That's why we need evidence.

Like what?

Like the letter from the government.

Stealing mail's a federal offense!

You wanna fry?

We gotta get that letter!

(SIGHS)

Oh, thanks. I'm starv...

Cynthia!

Relax!

The egg salad walked out with the tuna melt

20 minutes ago.

Why?

Oh, something about anything over three hours for lunch and they get docked.

What are you doing in here?

I'm cooking, Cynthia!

That's the way you wanted it, remember?

I may not be fast, but at least I'm good.

Oh, and all four customers who waited really appreciate it, Hal.

What do I tell Lucas about his order?

You didn't tell me Lucas was here.

I tried to, Hal.

You said you didn't wanna be disturbed.

You said if you could only have your creative space

something magical might happen.

Well, you were right, Hal.

I don't know how you did it,

but you made all the customers disappear.

Okay, and do it exactly the way we rehearsed.

Fall out of the tree and pretend you broke your leg.

Now scream real good.

This guy's a mental case and I'm listening to him.

My leg! Somebody!

Help me!

Ow, my leg! Somebody! My leg!

Ow, my leg! Somebody, please!

Slovak.

BILLY:
Help me!

Yeah. Oh, my leg!

My leg! Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Mmm, thank you.

Amber, sit down.

I just got off the phone with a very angry Fletcher Mays.

What went on in health class today?

Nothing.

Nothing?

We talked about biology.

Yeah?

And how it relates to our bodies.

Right.

And how it relates to sex.

Sex?

Now, if you expect me to be shocked,

I'm sorry to disappoint you with this.

I know it may be hard for you to believe,

I am familiar with the subject.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna talk to Miss Adams.

You're gonna tell her to stop aren't you?

No. I'm gonna explain to her that she can't teach the same way

in this town as she teaches in the city.

Well, this town is full of redneck geek heads like Fletcher Mays.

Uh, wait a minute.

Now, Fletcher Mays, may be a lot of things

but he is...

"Your elder."

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