Mystery Team

Hi! My name's Buddy.

I'm your new neighbor.

Hi. I'm Alan.

Mighty nice house

you got here, Alan.

Mind if I take a look around?

Uh, s-sure.

Great!

Grownups, houses.

Oh, this is great.

[gasp]

Decorative pillows?

What is this,

the White House?

I don't know.

The door's locked.

McGinty, you clever dog.

I guess I'll just have

to break it down, then,

with brute force! Ow!

Oh.

The window's open.

I probably knocked it open

when I hit the door

with my shoulder.

Now, where's this

Old Man McGinty

I keep hearing about?

You mean my father?

He's asleep.

Oh, really?

Because I heard

evil never sleeps.

What was that?

Oh, nothing. I was just

admiring your bulbs.

It's like Buckingham Palace

in here.

Uh, let's walk.

Okay.

Let's search for clues.

What's there to do in town?

I don't know

because I just moved here.

I haven't lived here

in years.

I just came back

to help my father.

With what, the house?

The yard?

The murders?

What? Did you say murders?

Whoa! Paper plates. Ha ha!

You expecting the pope?

Very classy.

How old are you anyway?

You look kind of young

to be buying a house.

Can I have that in writing?

Ha ha ha!

Oh, we are laughing.

[heavy breathing]

Mystery Team?

Mystery Team.

[breathing heavily]

What's my job?

Dish...washer.

[screaming]

Aah!

Aah!

Hey! Hey! What the hell

is going on here?

Oh, boys! Boys!

What are you doing in here?

I am so sorry.

These are my sons--

Benny and The Jets.

I expected this from you,

Benny, but, The Jets!

I'm calling the police.

No need.

We're the Mystery Team.

Oh.

My father told me

about you guys.

Listen, I know

when you were younger,

my father

was probably cranky

and liked to be left alone,

but he is pretty sick now,

and I'm taking care of him.

This isn't some spooky house.

There are no dastardly plans.

Just a sick old man

on a respirator.

So could you please

leave my father

to pass in peace?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Your father

was a great man.

[clatter]

[shouting]

Why'd you do it,

McGint--?

Sorry.

[ringing]

Jason, Jason, come quick!

There's a mystery afoot!

Somebody stuck their fingers

in Mrs. Kimmel's pie.

What kind of pie, Jamie?

Boysenberry!

[beep]

Duncan. Come in, Duncan.

Duncan here.

We got a code 44

at Mrs. Kimmel's house.

Affirmative.

[bones cracking]

Ohh.

Yeah, I did that.

Charlie. Come in, Charlie.

Code 44

at Mrs. Kimmel's house.

I'm on it.

Still warm.

That means it was hot

when someone stuck

their finger in there.

There's only one kid

crooked enough to do this

but young enough not to know

it would burn you.

Eric McDonald.

Joshua McDonald.

Eric McDonald.

Eric McDonald.

And we know his spot.

[high voice]

Hi. My name's Sammy.

I'm new to this school.

Know where I can get

some pie around here?

Ah, f***, the Mystery Team.

Ha ha!

I gotcha.

Of course you got me,

motherf***er.

You're 18.

If any teachers

ask where Eric went,

tell them three grownups

took him off the playground

to teach him a lesson

about sticking his finger

in things.

Eww.

Yep. Boysenberry,

all right.

Only one question

remains, Eric.

Why'd you do it?

I'll bet you he gets his kicks

giving old ladies

the heebie-jeebies.

Hell, no. I wanted to see

if it felt like p*ssy,

like in that movie.

Yeah.

Well,

you learned your lesson,

so try and stay on the straight

and narrow this time.

Okay?

He's a good kid at heart.

Faggots.

Hey, Dad, can I

have the car keys?

[car alarm beeps]

There go three virgins.

[bell rings]

Excuse me. Is this

the principal's office?

Come in, Jason.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I am not Jason.

I am Jason's father,

and I just came down here

to say

that he will be punished,

so there is no need

to suspend him

or call me, Jason's father.

I get a frantic call

from Mr. Daniels

over at Wilson Elementary,

telling me that one

of his students

was taken off the premises

by you.

Do you know

how serious that is?

Oh, Jason, Jason, Jason.

Can you believe

I'm his father?

Jason, I mean.

Jason,

take off the mustache.

We meet again, old friend.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

My science teacher says

my thesis needs to prove

something,

but I think listing

all the dinosaurs

proves there was

a lot of dinosaurs.

Duncan, we got

the yearbooks in today,

and some of the staff

was a little confused.

Why did you f*** us?

Oh, my Trivia Corner.

You guys are stumped, huh?

There's actually an

answer key in the back.

No one said you could

have a Trivia Corner.

Well, Caleb, I just saw

there was a blank page,

so I figured--

You're an a**hole.

Look, we're trying to sell

yearbooks.

I figured people

would want to match wits

with the boy genius.

You're not a boy genius.

You just got a book

of some Wacky Facts

in second grade

and memorized them

because no one

wants to be your friend

except those two retards

on your Mystery Team.

Catch you guys later.

C-Catch you guys later.

Can you help me get

started on the ramp?

I'll do you one better.

Just--

I got it.

I'm so close.

Let me stay on the ramp.

Dude, dude, dude,

Hold on, hold on!

You all right.

Yeah. Thank you.

I must

work on that stuff.

Hey, man, can you stop

staring at us in the halls?

It's creepy.

Yeah, okay.

See you at practice.

No, you won't.

You're not on the team.

You can't just say that.

Look, I know

when you were younger,

the whole town,

myself included,

was very amused by you

and the Mystery Kids.

Mystery Team, okay?

Mystery Team.

People

used to call us heroes.

And it really

razzes my berries

when people don't

take us seriously.

I mean, look how big

my magnifying glass is.

Your head's big.

Put that down.

That's enough.

You're an adult.

Act like one.

You're excused.

I cannot wait

to graduate in a month.

I'm so tired of school.

Yeah, I wish

they'd all disappear

like the Lost Colony

of Roanoke.

They'd probably go

"What's Roanoke?"

and I'd go

"Shut up, Caleb."

All we need is one big case

before people start

respecting us again,

like people did

when we were 7.

People respect us.

Charlie,

where's your book bag?

Uh, some kids took it

and filled it with dirt.

Oh, hi, Mom.

Hi.

Hi, Mrs. Rogers.

You look nice.

Thank you, Charlie.

Yeah,

when I look at you,

it feels like my body's

smiling, you know?

Yeah.

So got any plans

tonight, honey?

Going out? Maybe a party

with girls there?

Oh, yuck, Mom.

Oh, hey, Dad.

Where are you going

all dressed up like that?

Union meeting

about a strike.

I can't believe

they sold the lumber yard

to this Holden & Charles,

knowing full well

that's the only thing

keeping this town alive.

I'm going to get put

out of work by these a**holes.

[Mom]

Darryl.

Hey, Dad,

Mom wants me

to go to a party

with girls there.

Can you say gross?

I can say disappointed.

Gross.

Oh, that little girl's back.

[Jason]

What?

She's been coming by

all afternoon.

Something

about a mystery.

A client.

I wish we had a girl.

Hi. Are you the Mystery Team?

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