Mystic Pizza Page #3

I had to ask three times

before I received a clean fork.

Black angel hair pasta

with Dalmatian sauce.

Don't ask me what it is. Just don't try it.

A culinary disaster.

Overpriced and pretentious.

We should get him to come here. A good

review would bring in tons of people.

- I wouldn't let that moron in the door.

- Why not?

I bet if we had designer pizza...

- It'd taste like that magazine there.

- Oh, come on, Leona.

A little dry white wine, some

smoked clams, sun-dried tomatoes...

- I think we should do it, Leona.

- Listen, young ladies.

We have the real thing right here.

The Mystic Pizza.

Spices from the Algarve back in Portugal.

My grandfather taught my father

how to make it. And my father taught me.

And one of these days, when I retire,

I just might teach one of you.

It's tradition. And you

don't monkey with tradition!

- Amen.

- Leona?

Will you please tell us what's in the pizza?

Please, Leona.

...goat cheese popovers I would kill for.

It ain't goat cheese, I'll tell you that.

There you go. Hop into bed.

Mommy brushes my hair.

Hold still.

- Mommy lives in England now.

- Oh, no, she doesn't.

She's just there working.

She'll be home in a few weeks.

I know.

We're not getting a divorce.

- Well, of course not.

- OK.

Time for bed.

Good night.

All righty. Scootch in.

I'll read you to sleep.

God knows where

she picks these things up.

- Read!

- All righty. I hear and obey, master.

What story do you want?

- Good night. I'll see you tomorrow.

- Good night, Kat.

All righty, sweetheart.

What have we here?

Go ahead. Turn the page.

"Uncle Wiggly Learns to Dance."

Kat?

Here.

Better take this. It's gotten chilly out.

- Daddy!

- Be right there.

I'd better go.

Coming, master.

Each room is more

breathtaking than the next.

The dining room table seats 45,

and weighs a whopping 4,000 pounds.

It's the world's only

marble-top extension table.

It took 15 craftsmen a year to build.

If you're wondering if this is the ultimate

fairy-tale home, check out the bedroom...

Hi, Kat.

Mrs Post's daughter,

the privileged princess,

awoke to flowers on the walls,

on the silver door hinges,

even on the four-poster bed.

"Lifestyles" is proud to bring you

this once-in-a-lifetime look

at America's number one home.

- I can relate.

- Over lunch on the patio...

Nice sweater.

- Kat?

- Good night.

- Whose sweater?

- Tim's.

Tim's?

- So it's "Tim" now?

- Shut up.

- What's going on?

- Nothing.

Daisy, I'm his baby-sitter,

and it got chilly tonight.

And he's married.

If he weren't married,

he wouldn't need a baby-sitter.

Looks to me like

he's puttin' the moves on you.

- You're disgusting.

- OK.

I'm disgusting. But just in case...

The guy wears 'em.

Daisy!

Jojo!

Where is she? Kat, have you seen Jojo?

Just a minute.

Hi.

Hi.

Sorry, Leona.

Hey, Kat. Table six wants dessert.

Ah, I'd love to stay and chat.

- Here you go.

- Miss, this pizza is unbelievable.

- Thank you.

- What is in that sauce?

Oh, I'm sorry. That's top secret.

She won't even tell us what's in it.

Here you go.

Hey, Jo, can you switch days off with me?

- I guess so. Why? What's up?

- Tim needs me on Friday.

Don't do it, Jo. You'll be contributing

to the downfall of a saint.

Butt out, will you? Let's talk

about the preppy with the Porsche.

Holy sh*t!

- What?

- Oh, nothing.

Come on. Let's go.

Daisy.

Make yourself comfortable.

What's the matter?

Can't afford to pay your light bill?

My father turns off all the power

when nobody's here.

- You're here.

- Yeah...

But he doesn't wanna be reminded.

Is it OK to sit on the sofa?

You can do anything you want on it.

It must get kinda lonely here.

I kinda like it this time of year.

No one's around.

It's nice and quiet.

Is this a habit with you?

Picking up townies and luring them

to your big, fancy house?

You're the first.

So how is it?

So far... it's pretty nice.

And for you?

Dais?

Charlie? Follow the breadcrumbs.

This is my parents' room.

I figured.

Is that my father's shirt?

D'you think he'll miss it?

No.

Hey, Junior.

Yeah... Arujo?

Dais.

I told you I was takin'

a vacation from law school.

Yeah?

I was thrown out.

I cheated on a final.

Why?

I panicked.

I was flunking a course, and I panicked.

People flunk courses.

It happens all the time.

But not to me.

Not to Chuck Windsor's son.

You shouldn't have lied.

But I'm glad you told me.

Don't do it again.

Which? Cheat or lie?

Either.

- Hi, Kat.

- How was the poker game?

Great. I won a buck more than I owe you.

- I just checked on Phoebe.

- How is she?

Fine. I hope you don't mind

my using the telescope.

No, no. I'm delighted

to have someone use the thing.

You want a soda or some juice?

I'll have some wine.

- What's up there, anyway?

- Well, have a look.

I see kind of a... fuzzy clump.

That's Pleiades, the Seven Sisters.

Do you see six bright stars

and one very faint one?

Yeah.

That's actually a cluster

of several hundred stars.

Only those few are visible from here.

They're over 400 light years from Earth.

They're a sign of fall.

Am I babbling?

Yeah.

No...

I mean, I like it.

OK, then, I'll tell you one more thing.

It's a great night to spot comets.

New moon, dark skies...

May I propose a toast?

- Sure.

- To new moons, dark skies... and comets.

Fuzzy clump.

- Let me take this off.

- OK.

Be careful, Bill. It's expensive.

Here we go.

I can't do this with him starin' at me.

- Let's just go to my room.

- Are you crazy? Your parents are home.

No, no. They're asleep.

- Yeah?

- Mm-hm.

- I'm goin' home.

- What?

Bill!

No, please. Please, Bill. Please don't.

Jo...

- I gotta go.

- Just one more kiss.

- What are you doin'?

- Poor little thing.

All it needs is a little bit of fresh air.

- Jo!

- What?

I'm tellin' you, I love you.

- I think we should make a commitment.

- OK.

But... first things first, though.

- Cut it out!

- What?

Jo!

Come on. I'm tellin' ya,

I think we ought to get married.

Bill, if you say that word one more time

to me, I'm gonna scream.

Married.

Holy sh*t!

- No, Pops!

- Listen, Mr Barboza. Nothing happened.

Listen, I promise you...

It's not what you think.

Good night, Mrs Barboza.

Get the hell outta here!

- Thank you, Mr Barboza!

- Run, Bill, run!

- Josephina!

- Son of a b*tch!

So there's Pops, all 130 pounds of him,

tryin' to knock the sh*t out of Bill.

Bill's just standin' there tryin' to be polite

and pullin' his pants up at the same time.

- I nearly peed in my pants.

- So close to a clean getaway.

Where's the prince of prep school

this weekend?

In Greenwich visiting his grandmother.

She's 90 and drives her own Rolls.

- Big deal.

- He'll be back Sunday night.

Hey, Jo!

Whaddaya think?

That isn't funny!

Whose side are you guys on?

You know something, Bill?

You are a real a**hole!

- What?

- Thank God I didn't marry him.

What, you think this is

gonna make me marry you? Do you?

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