Nanny McPhee Returns

---

lSABEL:
This is

the story of my family.

Me, my three

beautiful children

and my husband.

There is our lovely farm.

lt's been in my

husband's family

for generations.

The sad thing is,

my husband is away

fighting in a war,

so we're on our own.

We're all terribly

worried about him,

of course,

but on the whole,

l'm coping well.

Very well. Very well, indeed.

No fighting in

the best parlor!

lSABEL:
That's me, coping.

Lemon drop.

(BLOWlNG RASPBERRY)

lSABEL:
That's very

naughty of you.

They're coping, too.

Get off the furniture!

Vincent, off, off, off!

They started it.

Get off the furniture!

We're all coping.

We're fine.

You're on the furniture!

You're on the furniture!

We're fine.

Then stop shouting!

We're not shouting.

You're shouting.

We are supposed to

be getting the farm

spic-and-span

before the cousins

arrive tomorrow.

And instead, all you're

doing is fighting,

fighting, fighting,

when what l want to

be seeing is sharing,

sharing, sharing.

lmagine how sad you'd be

if you had to be

taken away from home

because of bombs dropping

all over the place.

We're not sharing

the jam with them.

What?

We're not sharing

Dad's jam with

the cousins.

Oh, no, of course not.

That's for Dad

when he comes home.

l'm talking about

your room and your toys.

Why won't he

reply to my letter?

We're not talking

about Dad, darling.

But why won't he reply?

His last one came years ago.

No, darling.

Look.

Three months ago,

that's all.

You see?

(SlGHlNG) Dad's in the Army.

They move him about a lot,

that's all it is.

There is nothing to

worry about, all right?

(lSABEL KlSSES)

Now, l've got to run,

but you've got to

clean up the farm

for the cousins.

What are they

actually like,

the cousins?

They're city children,

and l imagine

they're rather refined.

And l am sure

that they are

very well-behaved.

(VOMlTlNG)

Blenkinsop,

he's vomming again.

Stop the car.

He's vommed all

over my shoes!

lt's all right, Blenkinsop.

Stopped now.

Where are my

marshmallows?

Master Cyril,

are them marshmallows

a wise choice,

given your

recent evacuation?

Marshmallows are always

a wise choice, thanks.

You beast!

You've ruined my

brand-new Fontarelli

patent-leather pumps,

and l've left

the pale pink at home.

You beast, beast, beast!

Oh, look.

(SHEEP BLEATlNG)

How sweetly pretty.

ls that the place?

No.

(ROOSTER CROWlNG)

(MOOlNG)

(BALLAD PLAYlNG ON GRAMOPHONE)

(WHlRRlNG)

(BELL RlNGlNG)

(SQUEALlNG HAPPlLY)

(TlNKLlNG)

NORMAN:
Vincent, chores, now.

VlNCENT:
But the piglets

are getting sold tomorrow,

and you said

l could scratch them

before they went away.

Dad left me in charge,

and what l say goes.

Now, get off.

But Dad built the

Scratch-o-Matic for them.

l said, get off!

l'm getting off.

l'm getting off.

And no more scratching.

l'm going to

check the barley.

(SQUEALlNG)

(EXCLAlMlNG UNHAPPlLY)

(CHlRPlNG)

Hello.

(BURPlNG)

Shoo.

How is my gorgeous

sister-in-law?

No.

Your coat's inside out.

Oh!

Nylons you need

with that skirt.

No.

No? ''No'' what?

You know perfectly

well no what.

l'm not selling.

lsabel, look at me.

Look at me.

Who am l? Who am l?

You're my

brother-in-law.

l'm family, lz,

is all l'm pointing out,

and that's why

you can trust me.

All right, Phil.

What's your point?

lz, we need to

sell the farm, now.

You haven't even

got enough money

for tomorrow's payment

on the tractor,

and if there's no tractor,

there's no harvest.

lf there's no harvest,

the farm will fail.

l said no.

And actually,

Norman's thought of a way

to get some money,

so l will make the

payment on the tractor.

Has he, indeed?

What way would that be?

l'm in a hurry, Phil.

lsabel, l can't

point it out enough

that l need the money.

l'm only human,

but that farm is half.. .

Half Rory's and half yours.

Yes, yes, l know.

l know, because you tell me

every time l see you.

But you can't sell it

without my permission,

and l do not

give my permission!

But, lzzy, l've got

the contract right here.

Goodbye, Phil.

(EXCLAlMS lN FRUSTRATlON)

l'm here. l'm here.

Mrs. Docherty,

don't start without me.

Mrs. Docherty?

Mrs. Docherty?

Hello. Oh.

Oh.

There you are.

l was so worried.

Oh, you worry too much,

and it doesn't help.

lt's just that you have

been a bit forgetful,

that's all.

Now, you.. .

You look after the shop.

l'll put away the deliveries.

Oh, l was managing

perfectly.

You haven't started

unpacking, have you?

Unpacking? Where?

All right.

l was just putting

the flour away.

(COUGHlNG)

Whoo! lt's gotten foggy.

(MRS. DOCHERTY CHUCKLES)

Could you pass

me the scoop?

TOPSEY:
Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Yoo-hoo!

Good morning, Mr. Green.

We haven't had the pleasure.

But l am Miss Topsey

and this is my colleague,

Miss Turvey.

Charmed.

TOPSEY:
Can you guess

who sent us?

Sent two lovely ladies

such as yourselves?

Father Christmas?

Are you flirting

with us, Phil?

(BOTH PURRlNG)

Oh, l can call

you Phil, can l?

You can call me

whatever you like,

sweetheart.

(LAUGHS) Don't

be so naughty.

(BOTH GlGGLlNG)

Mrs. Biggles

won't like it.

Mrs. Big says

you owe her.

You ran up a big fat debt

in one of her

riverside casinos.

See what you've

gambled away, Phil?

(SHOUTS)

''lOU one farm.' '

Where is your farm, Phil?

l like farms.

We've come to get it.

And l respect that, ladies,

and, yeah, you'll get it.

You'll get it.

And Mrs. Biggles has

nothing to worry about.

l can fix it.

l am fixing it.

Please, don't hurt me.

(GASPlNG) We don't want

to hurt you, Phil.

The fact is,

Mrs. Big has told us

to come back with

one of two things,

the deeds to your farm.. .

(EXCLAlMS SOFTLY)

Or your kidneys.

(TOPSEY AND TURVEY CHUCKLlNG)

(SlGHlNG)

Not ripe yet,

then, old son?

(GASPS)

Uncle Phil,

where did you come from?

Oh, just on me way home.

Be ripe in a few days,

l reckon.

Must be very proud.

Your mum told me

all about your idea

to pay for the tractor.

What on earth made

you think of that, then?

Well, l saw

Farmer Macreadie

at the shop,

and he said he was

looking to buy some

Gloucestershire Old Spots.

Huh?

Pigs.

l knew that.

So when l offered to

sell him our piglets,

he jumped at it.

Clever.

Very clever.

(ENGlNE STARTlNG)

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(TRACTOR RUMBLlNG)

Come on.

Feed it through.

That's it.

Feed it through.

Come on, Phil, think.

Think, think, think, think.

Piglets. Got to get

rid of the piglets.

Got to get rid

of the piglets.

No piglets, no tractor.

Then she'll have

to sell the farm.

(HORN HONKlNG)

Look.

Cor! Look at that.

(GASPS)

ls that a motorcar?

lt must be the cousins.

lt can't be the cousins.

They're not due

till tomorrow.

VlNCENT:
Do you think

they've brought sweets?

MEGSlE:
They must be so rich.

NORMAN:
They've got

a chauffeur.

(SlGHS)

Where are we?

We're in the Land of Poo.

Duck poo, hen poo,

cow poo, goat poo.

Poo as far as

the eye can see.

Here we are, then.

Out you get.

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