Napoleon Dynamite Page #2

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What?

- Never mind.

- [Chattering]

- Have you heard about the dance?

- Yes.

Have you met anyone to ask yet?

No. But I probably will

after school.

Who you gonna ask?

That girl over there.

She braided my hair one time--

Summer Wheatly? How the heck

are you gonna do that?

Build her a cake

or something.

Yeah, my old girlfriend

from Oklahoma...

was gonna fly out here

for the dance...

but she couldn't 'cause she's doing

some modeling right now.

Is she hot?

See for yourself.

Wow.

Yeah, I took her to the mall to get

some glamour shots for her birthday one year.

- I like her bangs.

- Me too.

[Chattering]

How long did it take you

to grow that mustache?

A couple of days.

I wish I could grow one.

Are you gonna eat your Tots?

No.

Can I have 'em?

You see that girl

over there?

She came over to my house

the other day.

- Why?

- I don't know...

but she left all this crap

on my porch.

She's pretty good-looking.

Do you dare me

to go talk to her?

Sure.

I see you're drinking one-percent.

Is that 'cause you think you're fat?

'Cause you're not. You could be

drinking whole if you wanted to.

Well, I have all

your equipment in my locker.

You should probably come get it 'cause

I can't fit my nunchakus in there anymore.

Where's your locker?

Hey, can I have

one of your key chains?

[All]

Whoo!

[Laughing]

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

[Cellphone Ringing]

- [Cellphone Beeps]

- Hello?

Napoleon, give me

some of your Tots.

- No, go find your own.

- Come on. Give me some of your Tots.

No. I'm freakin' starved.

I didn't get to eat anything today.

[Groans]

G--

Gross.

Freakin' idiot!

[Sighs]

Tina, come get some ham.

[Grunts]

[Vehicle Approaching]

[Sighs]

What are you doing here,

Uncle Rico?

Your grandma took a little spill at

the sand dunes today, broke her coccyx.

What? Since when

does she go to the dunes?

Looks like there's a lot

you don't know about her.

[Tina Grunts]

- So, when's Grandma coming back?

- I don't know.

Not sure.

You don't have to stay here

with us. We're not babies.

[Laughs]

Talk to your Auntie Caroline.

Well, Kip is, like,

32 years old.

I don't mind

if you stay.

Oh. Thanks, Kip.

What the flip was Grandma

doin' at the sand dunes?

She was on a date...

with her boyfriend.

Boyfriend?

Hey, you guys

want to see my video?

[Chuckles]

So, what do you think?

- It's pretty cool, I guess.

- Oh.

Man, I wish I could

go back in time.

I'd take state.

This is pretty much

the worst video ever made.

Napoleon, like anyone

can even know that.

You know what, Napoleon?

You can leave.

You guys are retarded.

Hah!

Hey, check that out.

So, you and Tammy

still together?

No. Not really.

- Why is that?

- Well...

she's jealous.

Says I'm livin'

too much in '82.

Well, I dumped her.

What about your girlfriend?

Well, things are gettin'

pretty serious right now.

I mean, we chat online for,

like, two hours every day...

so I guess you could say

things are gettin' pretty serious.

I'm just really tryin' to raise a few bucks right

now so I can bring her around for a few days.

Yep. Well, what's she look like?

She's, uh--

She's got sandy blonde hair.

She's, uh, pretty-look--

pretty good-looking

face, but...

I'm just gettin' really--

just kinda T.O.'d...

because, I mean, she hasn't even

sent me a full body shot yet.

Hey, you know...

I got a little project...

that we might be able to

make a little moola with.

Really? That sounds pretty good.

Have you ever heard of

nylon polymer?

Go for it.

[Doorbell Rings]

Back in '82, I used to be able

to throw a pigskin a quarter mile.

- Are you serious?

- I'm dead serious.

Watch this.

[Groans]

What the heck

are you doing?

That's what I'm talkin' about.

I better go.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

How much you want to make a bet I can

throw a football over them mountains?

Yeah. If coach would've put me

in fourth quarter...

we'd have been

state champions, no doubt.

No doubt in my mind.

You better believe things

would have been different.

I'd have gone pro...

in a heartbeat.

I'd be makin'

millions of dollars and...

livin' in a...

big ol' mansion somewhere.

You know, soakin' it up

in a hot tub with my soul mate.

Kip...

Kip...

I reckon you know

a lot about cyberspace.

Y-You ever come across

anything like time travel?

Easy.

I've already

looked into it for myself.

Right on.

Right on.

[Chattering]

[Groans]

[Grunts]

[Sighs]

Is Pedro here today?

I don't think so. Why?

Just wondering.

Can you, uh,

give this to him for me?

Okay.

Hey, Summer,

you want to play me?

Mm-mmm.

Ow. God.

[Door Opens, Closes]

- What are you drawing?

- A liger.

What's a liger?

It's pretty much

my favorite animal.

It's like a lion

and a tiger mixed.

Bred for

its skills in magic.

Hmm.

[Sighs]

Where's your friend?

I don't know.

Did you see him today?

No.

Neither did I.

- Do you need a ride?

- No.

I missed the bus today,

but my uncle's coming to get me.

- Oh.

- [Horn Honks]

See ya.

[Rico]

Right. I-- I think...

just a little bit east of the cemetery

is a good little area right here.

We should do it there. Don't go down here,

'cause they don't have any money.

[Kip]

So, how long are we talkin' about workin'?

What are you--

You're already losing your steam?

No. I just--

I have a chat room meeting at 4:00.

I gotta be back here by then.

- All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all.

- All right.

Or else work afterwards.

How long's the chat room?

Geez, sometimes up to

three, four hours maybe.

Maybe not.

I don't know.

You-- You pay the bills

for that?

Does that cost money every time

you're on, like for minutes on the phone?

Yeah. Grandma's still

payin' per minute.

She gets kind of pissed at me

sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long.

I'll bet she does.

I'd be throwin' you out the window.

[Line Ringing]

- [Woman] Bueno.

- Hello?

- Who's this?

- Napoleon Dynamite.

- Who?

- Napoleon Dynamite.

- I'm one of Pedro's best friends.

- Your name is Napoleon?

Yes. Is Pedro there?

No, he's not here

right now.

Okay, bye.

See, Crystal Street.

That's for you.

I'm goin' to Adams Park.

They got some money in Adams Park.

What?

Let's go, Kipper.

I think we should take this...

- someplace a little more private.

- That's a good idea.

[Kip]

Please. Please. Be good to me.

Please, keep going.

Dead on. Dead on.

Yes!

Before we get started on our new project,

I have a few concerns.

First off, I'm concerned about

your transportation situation.

I mean, do you-- you got a car

you can borrow from someone?

Well, that's the problem

right now.

At the moment,

nothing comes to mind.

You can borrow my van for the time being.

I-- I do better on foot anyway.

We also need some way to make us

look official, like we got all the answers.

How about some gold bracelets?

We need, like,

some name tags...

with our picture on it,

all laminated and whatnot.

I mean, we gotta

look legit, man.

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