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Napoleon Dynamite Page #3
That's true. That's true.
Say, you know of a-- a place
we can get our picture taken...
like a-- a photo store?
Okay.
Turn your head
on more of a slant.
Now, make a fist...
and slowly ease it up
underneath your chin.
- This is looking really good.
- You can say that again.
[Deb]
Now, just imagine
you're weightless.
You're in the middle
of the ocean...
surrounded by
tiny little sea horses.
[Shutter Clicks]
That was the one. I think
that's gonna come out really nice.
[Chuckles]
Uh, you did it?
Wow. Wow, that felt
really relaxed.
Thanks, Deb.
- [Buzzing]
- [Chuckles] You're up, Kip.
Is there some kind of vest
that I can wear?
- Where have you been?
- I got sick.
Has Summer said
anything to you yet?
No, not yet.
Well, she said no.
She did?
- Well, what about that other girl?
- What other girl?
- The one that left all that crap on your porch.
- You mean Deb?
- Yes, her.
- What about her?
- Well, I asked her out too.
- What?
Well, nobody's gonna
go out with me.
- No, but who would?
- I don't even have any good skills.
- What do you mean?
You know, like...
nunchaku skills,
bow hunting skills...
computer hacking skills.
Girls only want boyfriends
who have great skills.
Aren't you pretty good
at drawing, like...
animals and warriors and stuff?
Yes.
Probably the best
that I know of.
Just draw a picture of the girl
you want to take out...
and give it to her
for, like, a gift or something.
That's a pretty good idea.
Now, if you invest
in the 24-piece set...
a little gift.
So, what's the gift?
I bet you folks
don't have one of these.
I want that.
You see, this ain't
your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware."
These are some serious
"NuPont" fiber-woven bowls.
So, if we purchase
the 24-piece set...
the mini sailboat
is included?
That's correct, sir.
Lance, you look like
Why don't you see if you can
give that a nice tear.
Don't hurt yourself now.
I can't do it.
Can't.
So, uh...
how does the "dealio"
sound to you?
- [Door Closes]
- [Engine Starts]
Dang it.
- Is Trisha here?
- Oh, I'm sorry, she's not.
- She's at a friend's house right now.
- [Rico] Well, hey, Napoleon.
- Napoleon's my nephew.
- Oh, that's nice.
Could you just give this
to her for me?
- I certainly could.
- Thanks.
Bye-bye.
Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him
while his grandma's in the hospital.
He still wets the bed
and everything.
You're kidding.
Yeah, he's a tender little guy.
He still gets beat up and whatnot.
Anyway, uh...
so we still feelin' pretty good about this,
uh, 32-piece set here?
- Ow!
- What the crap was Uncle Rico
doin' at my girlfriend's house?
Napoleon, let go of me!
I think you're bruisin' my neck meat!
Fine.
What the heck
are you guys doin'?
Tryin' to ruin my life
and make me look like a friggin' idiot?
I'm out makin' some
Geez, I think
you ripped my mole off.
- I did?
- Yeah, is it bleeding?
- [Door Opens]
- A little bit.
Hey, Kip.
I wish you wouldn't
look at me like that, Napoleon.
I wish you'd get out of my life
and shut up.
I'm gonna tell you somethin'. While you're playin'
patty-cake with your friend Pedro...
your Uncle Rico...
is makin' 120 bucks.
I could make that much money
in five seconds.
Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon.
I made, like, 75 bucks today.
Napoleon, it looks like
you don't have a job.
So why don't you
get out there and feed Tina.
Why don't you go eat
a "decroded" piece of crap.
[Napoleon's Voice]
There's a lot more where this came from...
if you go to the dance with me.
Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite.
You know you're gonna
go to that dance with that boy.
[Groans]
By noon I need them 8,000 hens
moved into their new cages.
Sometimes they don't
want to cooperate.
But you give 'em a good shakin',
they'll settle down for ya.
Do the chickens have
large talons?
- Do they have what?
- Large talons.
I don't understand
a word you just said.
Okay, you meet me back here
about noon, and, uh...
we'll have a little lunch
waitin' for ya.
[Clucking]
Ew!
[Slurps]
Well, dig in.
[Flies Buzzing]
[Hens Whimpering, Distant]
[Cow Lowing]
Over there, in that pigpen...
I found a couple
of Shoshoni arrowheads.
[Gags]
[Sighs]
Can't find my checkbook.
Hope you don't mind I pay you in change.
Six dollars.
That's, like, a dollar
an hour.
[Phone Rings]
[Rings]
Hello?
- Hi. Is Napoleon there?
- Yes.
- Can I talk to him?
- You already are.
Oh.
Napoleon, this is Trisha.
I'm just calling
to tell you that...
I can go to the dance
with you.
- [Mouthing Words]
- And also...
for the beautiful drawing you did of me.
- It's hanging in my bedroom.
- Really?
Took me, like, three hours
to finish the shading on your upper lip.
It's probably the best drawing
I've ever done.
Yeah, it's really...
nice.
Yeah, well, I'll probably
pick you up at 6:00 for the dance.
- Is that okay?
- That's fine.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
[Groans]
- Who was that?
- Trisha.
- Who's she?
- My woman I'm takin' to the dance.
- You draw her a picture?
- Heck, yes, I did!
- [Coins Jingling]
- Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?
Just, like, a silk shirt
or something.
- What are you gonna wear?
- Dad has something for me.
But you should probably
get a suit.
## [Muzak, On Speaker]
Pedro, how do you feel
about that one?
It looks nice.
Yeah. It looks
pretty sweet.
It looks awesome.
That suit, it's--
It's incredible.
[Utensils, Plate Clatter]
I need you to give me a ride
in an hour.
[Sighs]
Where to?
The dance.
- You takin' my client's daughter?
- Yes.
We need to pick her up too.
Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale
to finalize in Bonita in five minutes.
Can't you take me and then
drop me off when you're done or whatever?
[Exhales]
Well, I'll be back
in a minute.
Don't disturb me
while I'm in there.
Well, hurry up,
'cause I gotta get Trisha.
Hi. I got your 24-piece set
right here.
[Sniffing]
[Sniffs]
[Exhales]
[Out Of Breath]
## [Hip-hop On Speaker, Distant]
[Engine Rumbling Loudly]
[Engine Revving,
Rumbling]
## [Hip-hop On Speaker, Loud]
So you guys are, like,
Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups?
Simn.
- ## [Hip-hop Continues]
- [Doorbell Chimes]
Is Trisha here?
- [Hydraulics Whoosh]
- Who's that in my driveway?
That's my ride.
## [Hip-hop Continues,
Loud, Indistinct]
## [Synthesizer Pop]
- ## [Continues]
- [Chattering]
- ## [Continues]
- [No Audible Dialogue]
Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro
- [No Audible Dialogue]
- ## [Continues]
## [Continues, Muffled]
[Blows Nose]
[No Audible Dialogue]
## [Continues, Muffled]
## [Continues]
[Pedro]
Napoleon.
When did you get here?
Have you guys
seen Trisha anywhere?
No.
Oh.
She probably
just went to the bathroom.
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"Napoleon Dynamite" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/napoleon_dynamite_14482>.
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