Napoleon Dynamite Page #3

---

That's true. That's true.

Say, you know of a-- a place

we can get our picture taken...

like a-- a photo store?

Okay.

Turn your head

on more of a slant.

Now, make a fist...

and slowly ease it up

underneath your chin.

- This is looking really good.

- You can say that again.

[Deb]

Okay, hold still right there.

Now, just imagine

you're weightless.

You're in the middle

of the ocean...

surrounded by

tiny little sea horses.

[Shutter Clicks]

That was the one. I think

that's gonna come out really nice.

[Chuckles]

Uh, you did it?

Wow. Wow, that felt

really relaxed.

Thanks, Deb.

- [Buzzing]

- [Chuckles] You're up, Kip.

Is there some kind of vest

that I can wear?

- Where have you been?

- I got sick.

Has Summer said

anything to you yet?

No, not yet.

Well, she said no.

She did?

- Well, what about that other girl?

- What other girl?

- The one that left all that crap on your porch.

- You mean Deb?

- Yes, her.

- What about her?

- Well, I asked her out too.

- What?

Well, nobody's gonna

go out with me.

- Have you asked anybody yet?

- No, but who would?

- I don't even have any good skills.

- What do you mean?

You know, like...

nunchaku skills,

bow hunting skills...

computer hacking skills.

Girls only want boyfriends

who have great skills.

Aren't you pretty good

at drawing, like...

animals and warriors and stuff?

Yes.

Probably the best

that I know of.

Just draw a picture of the girl

you want to take out...

and give it to her

for, like, a gift or something.

That's a pretty good idea.

Now, if you invest

in the 24-piece set...

I'm gonna throw in

a little gift.

So, what's the gift?

I bet you folks

don't have one of these.

I want that.

You see, this ain't

your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware."

These are some serious

"NuPont" fiber-woven bowls.

So, if we purchase

the 24-piece set...

the mini sailboat

is included?

That's correct, sir.

Lance, you look like

a strong young pup.

Why don't you see if you can

give that a nice tear.

Don't hurt yourself now.

I can't do it.

Can't.

So, uh...

how does the "dealio"

sound to you?

- [Door Closes]

- [Engine Starts]

Dang it.

- Is Trisha here?

- Oh, I'm sorry, she's not.

- She's at a friend's house right now.

- [Rico] Well, hey, Napoleon.

- Napoleon's my nephew.

- Oh, that's nice.

Could you just give this

to her for me?

- I certainly could.

- Thanks.

Bye-bye.

Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him

while his grandma's in the hospital.

He still wets the bed

and everything.

You're kidding.

Yeah, he's a tender little guy.

He still gets beat up and whatnot.

Anyway, uh...

so we still feelin' pretty good about this,

uh, 32-piece set here?

- Ow!

- What the crap was Uncle Rico

doin' at my girlfriend's house?

Napoleon, let go of me!

I think you're bruisin' my neck meat!

Fine.

What the heck

are you guys doin'?

Tryin' to ruin my life

and make me look like a friggin' idiot?

I'm out makin' some

sweet moola with Uncle Rico.

Geez, I think

you ripped my mole off.

- I did?

- Yeah, is it bleeding?

- [Door Opens]

- A little bit.

Hey, Kip.

I wish you wouldn't

look at me like that, Napoleon.

I wish you'd get out of my life

and shut up.

I'm gonna tell you somethin'. While you're playin'

patty-cake with your friend Pedro...

your Uncle Rico...

is makin' 120 bucks.

I could make that much money

in five seconds.

Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon.

I made, like, 75 bucks today.

Napoleon, it looks like

you don't have a job.

So why don't you

get out there and feed Tina.

Why don't you go eat

a "decroded" piece of crap.

[Napoleon's Voice]

There's a lot more where this came from...

if you go to the dance with me.

Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite.

You know you're gonna

go to that dance with that boy.

[Groans]

By noon I need them 8,000 hens

moved into their new cages.

Sometimes they don't

want to cooperate.

But you give 'em a good shakin',

they'll settle down for ya.

Do the chickens have

large talons?

- Do they have what?

- Large talons.

I don't understand

a word you just said.

Okay, you meet me back here

about noon, and, uh...

we'll have a little lunch

waitin' for ya.

[Clucking]

Ew!

[Slurps]

Well, dig in.

[Flies Buzzing]

[Hens Whimpering, Distant]

[Cow Lowing]

Over there, in that pigpen...

I found a couple

of Shoshoni arrowheads.

[Gags]

[Sighs]

Can't find my checkbook.

Hope you don't mind I pay you in change.

Six dollars.

That's, like, a dollar

an hour.

[Phone Rings]

[Rings]

Hello?

- Hi. Is Napoleon there?

- Yes.

- Can I talk to him?

- You already are.

Oh.

Napoleon, this is Trisha.

I'm just calling

to tell you that...

I can go to the dance

with you.

- [Mouthing Words]

- And also...

I wanted to thank you

for the beautiful drawing you did of me.

- It's hanging in my bedroom.

- Really?

Took me, like, three hours

to finish the shading on your upper lip.

It's probably the best drawing

I've ever done.

Yeah, it's really...

nice.

Yeah, well, I'll probably

pick you up at 6:00 for the dance.

- Is that okay?

- That's fine.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

[Groans]

- Who was that?

- Trisha.

- Who's she?

- My woman I'm takin' to the dance.

- You draw her a picture?

- Heck, yes, I did!

- [Coins Jingling]

- Well, what are you going to wear to the dance?

Just, like, a silk shirt

or something.

- What are you gonna wear?

- Dad has something for me.

But you should probably

get a suit.

## [Muzak, On Speaker]

Pedro, how do you feel

about that one?

It looks nice.

Yeah. It looks

pretty sweet.

It looks awesome.

That suit, it's--

It's incredible.

[Utensils, Plate Clatter]

I need you to give me a ride

in an hour.

[Sighs]

Where to?

The dance.

- You takin' my client's daughter?

- Yes.

We need to pick her up too.

Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale

to finalize in Bonita in five minutes.

Can't you take me and then

drop me off when you're done or whatever?

[Exhales]

Well, I'll be back

in a minute.

Don't disturb me

while I'm in there.

Well, hurry up,

'cause I gotta get Trisha.

Hi. I got your 24-piece set

right here.

[Sniffing]

[Sniffs]

[Exhales]

[Out Of Breath]

## [Hip-hop On Speaker, Distant]

[Engine Rumbling Loudly]

[Engine Revving,

Rumbling]

## [Hip-hop On Speaker, Loud]

So you guys are, like,

Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups?

Simn.

- ## [Hip-hop Continues]

- [Doorbell Chimes]

Is Trisha here?

- [Hydraulics Whoosh]

- Who's that in my driveway?

That's my ride.

## [Hip-hop Continues,

Loud, Indistinct]

## [Synthesizer Pop]

- ## [Continues]

- [Chattering]

- ## [Continues]

- [No Audible Dialogue]

Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro

and dance really quick?

- [No Audible Dialogue]

- ## [Continues]

## [Continues, Muffled]

[Blows Nose]

[No Audible Dialogue]

## [Continues, Muffled]

## [Continues]

[Pedro]

Napoleon.

When did you get here?

Just a couple minutes ago.

Have you guys

seen Trisha anywhere?

No.

Oh.

She probably

just went to the bathroom.

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes