Napoleon Dynamite Page #4

---

Are you guys having

a killer time?

Yes.

If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you

dance with Deb for a few songs.

## [New Song:
Pop]

I like your sleeves.

They're real big.

Thank you.

I made them myself.

So you and Pedro are getting

really serious now?

No.

We're just friends.

Huh.

How your glamour shots

been going lately?

Pretty good.

I could do

a personal portrait sometime...

if you wanted to come over.

Okay.

## [Continues]

## [Continues]

[Water Running]

## [Ends]

Do you think people

will vote for me?

Heck, yes.

I'd vote for you.

Like, what are my skills?

Well, you have a sweet bike...

and you're really good

at hookin' up with chicks.

Plus you're, like, the only guy at school

who has a mustache.

That's true.

If you need to use any of my skills,

I can do whatever you want.

Thanks.

If I win, you can be

my secretary or something.

Sweet! Plus I could be

your bodyguard too.

Or, like, Secret Service captain

or... whatever.

Okay.

Is that yours?

Don't touch it.

It's Uncle Rico's.

What's it for?

It's a time machine, Napoleon.

He bought it online.

- Yeah, right.

- It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.

Have you guys tried it yet?

No.

- So, are you ready?

- Yeah. Hold on.

I forgot

to put in the crystals.

- Okay, turn it on.

- [Current Surges]

[Groaning, Grunting]

Kill--

the pow--

[Groaning]

Kill--

[Groaning]

[Groaning]

Turn it off! Turn it off!

- [Current Stops]

- [Moaning]

[Groans]

It's a piece of crap. It doesn't work.

- [Panting]

- [Rico] Well, I could've told you that.

[Groans]

[Muffled Groan]

I-I said the 12 pack,

not the 24 pack.

You're just gonna have

to mix and match.

[Hushed]

Shut up. Say it so the whole world can hear.

- Well, put it back.

- [Sniffing]

Napoleon, you know

we can't afford the fun pack.

You think money grows on trees in this family?

Take it back.

Get some Pampers for you

and your brother while you're at it.

We can use a little of this.

I can tell you that.

- We can use those.

- [Beeps]

[Crowd Chatter, Faint]

[Cows Lowing, Faint]

The defect in that one

is bleach.

- That's correct.

- Yes!

This tastes like the cow

got into an onion patch.

- Correct.

- Yes!

- [Lowing]

- [Flies Buzzing]

They're pretty good except

for one little problem.

That little guy right there,

he has nipple number five.

A good dairy cow

should have, like, four.

- [Cow Lows]

- Well done.

- [Summer] Vote for Summer.

- [Man] Vote for Summer.

Vote for Summer. Thanks.

Yeah.

Vote for Summer.

[Whispering]

Hi. Vote for Summer.

Hi, ladies. Vote for Summer.

You guys voting?

- Do you think it's kinda warm in here?

- No.

I think it's-- They have the heater on

or something.

It seems pretty good to me.

You don't feel like your head

is burning or-- or anything?

No.

I'm gonna go home

and lay down.

Okay. See ya.

- Vote for Summer.

- Yeah, right.

- I'm not votin' for her.

- Then who are you gonna vote for?

I'm votin' for Pedro Sanchez.

Who do you think?

[Scoffs]

Hey, Don, can I have

one of those buttons?

[Trisha]

Hey. Vote for Summer.

[Summer]

Hi. Vote for Summer.

So, that guy in Florida

give you your money back yet?

Oh, I wrote him an e-mail,

sayin' I'm gonna contact the authorities...

if I don't get a refund in full.

[Sighs]

Don't you ever wish you could go back...

with all the knowledge

you have now? Tsk.

I guess so.

Well, I'll tell you somethin' right now.

You'd find your soul mate.

- I've already got a soul mate.

- Oh, yeah. What's her name again?

- Lafawnduh.

- Lafawnduh. Huh.

- How's she doin'?

- Well, I think I'm gonna need some time off.

She's flyin' out from Detroit

for a few days.

Well, what about work? Well, haven't--

haven't you studied up on the new product?

- Yes.

- Well, do you know it backwards and front?

Basically.

Why don't you sell some

to that girlfriend of yours?

You might as well do somethin'

while you're doin' nothin'.

Because she doesn't need any.

That's why.

Hey. I did some drawings

for the flyers.

Thanks.

Why do you got

your hood on like that?

Well, when I came home from school,

my head started to get really hot.

So I drank some cold water,

but it didn't do nothing.

[Sighs]

So I laid in the bathtub

for a while...

but then I realized that it was my hair

that was making my head so hot.

So I went into my kitchen,

and I shaved it all off.

I don't want anyone to see.

I know what you mean.

[Sighs]

There's just so many options.

That one's good.

Looks like a medieval warrior.

You know, you're right.

That's a good one.

Sorry.

I think this matches

your season, Pedro.

Thank you.

## [Military March: Drums]

## [Continues]

## [Theme to The A-Team ]

## [Ends]

- Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for me.

- Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for Pedro.

- [Pedro] Vote for me.

- [Napoleon] Vote for Pedro.

- [Pedro] Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro.

- Vote for... Pedro.

Hey, give me 50 cents

so I can buy a pop.

- I don't have any, Randy.

- Come on. I'll pay you back.

I don't have--

Stop.

- Don't. Stop. Stop.

- I'll do this to you.

- Don't. Ow.

- [Bell Rings]

Here. Here.

- How's your neck?

- Stings.

That's too bad.

Pedro offers you his protection.

- Hey, let me borrow your bike.

- No.

- Come on. I'll give you some chips.

- No.

[Vehicle Approaching]

- ## [Hip-hop On Speaker]

- [Hydraulics Whoosh]

[Bus Engine Idling]

[Door Opens]

[Squeals]

[Kissing]

[Chattering]

Like a wash, and then you blow-dry it

with bleach.

Yeah. It's so cool.

Hey, you Trisha?

- Yeah.

- You remember me?

I'm a friend of your mom's.

I'm-- I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico.

- Oh. Yeah.

- Hey, could you do me a favor?

Could you give your mom

a couple of these...

and tell 'em to hand 'em out

to her friends or whoever?

'Kay.

You girls give me a call

if you feel like you could use some.

Have a nice day.

[Both Scoff]

[Yelps]

[Engine Sputters, Stops]

[Groans]

Why the heck you throwin'

crap at my van, Napoleon?

Everybody at school thinks

I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you.

[Straining]

You're gonna clean my van... right now.

- Get off of me, you "bodaggit."

- [Groans]

[Groaning]

[Groans]

[Groaning]

- [Chattering]

- [Boy] Higher. No, no, higher.

- Yeah!

- [Cheering, Hooting]

- [Cheering, Hooting]

- [Boy] Yeah. Hit it!

## [Muzak:
Cha-cha On Speakers]

Dang.

Look, Pedro. I don't know

how they do things down in Juarez...

but here in Idaho we have

a little something called pride.

Understand?

Smashing in the face of a piata

that resembles Summer Wheatly...

is a disgrace to you, me

and the entire Gem State.

## [Pop:
Synthesizer,

Drum Machine On TV]

[Man] Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Grooves.

Are you ready to get your groove on?

- Yes.

- All right, then. Let's get started.

## [Continues]

Are you disqualified?

No. They just made me take down

the flyers as a penalty for the piatas.

Can you still

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes