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Napoleon Dynamite Page #5
run for president?
Yes.
I don't understand.
He say... you're not allowed to smash piatas
that look like real people.
But we do it in Mexico
all the time.
Thank you.
All right.
See you tomorrow, Pedro.
[Burps]
Who are you?
- I'm Lafawnduh.
- What are you doing here?
I'm waiting for Kip.
- Kip?
- Why are you so sweaty?
- I been practicing.
- Mmm.
- Practicing what?
- Some dance moves.
You like dancing?
[Kip]
My chores are done.
- So, you ready, Lafawnduh?
- I am, honey.
Sorry, Napoleon. We're just runnin'
a little bit late for some prime rib.
- Tell Uncle Rico not to wait up for me.
- Here.
You might like that.
My cousin made it.
I'll be waitin' outside
for you, baby.
Bye, Napoleon.
See ya.
[Door Opens]
- Lafawnduh is the best thing
that has ever happened to me.
- [Door Closes]
I'm a hundred percent positive
that she's my soul mate.
Napoleon, I'm sure there's
a babe out there for you too.
Peace out.
See ya.
Is this what you
were looking for?
Nah, I was thinkin' of somethin'
a little more... soft around the edges.
Hmm. Well...
I have a nice, soft pink sheet
I could hang...
and I could wrap you in some foam or...
something billowy?
Yeah, billowy's good.
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
It'd be really nice...
if I could get
the fan going.
I could hang some tinsel
from the top.
You know, Deborah,
you have... striking features.
Such a soft face should be
complimented with a...
soft body.
Mr. Rico?
My friends and clients,
they call me "Uncle Rico."
What are you doing?
Shh. Don't say another word.
Napoleon told me
you'd be interested.
Napoleon?
You stop wishin',
and call me when you're ready.
## [Dance]
[Phone Rings]
- [Ringing Continues]
- ## [Stops]
- Hello?
- Napoleon?
- Yeah. Who's this?
- It's Deb...
and I'm calling to let you know
I think you're a shallow friend.
- What the heck are you even talkin' about?
- Don't lie, Napoleon.
Your Uncle Rico made it very
clear how you feel about me.
What?
I don't need herbal enhancers
to feel good about myself.
And if you're so concerned about that,
why don't you try eating some yourself?
[Dial Tone]
- [Door Opens]
- Right on.
Grandma just called and said
you're supposed to go home.
- She didn't tell me anything.
- Too bad. She says she doesn't want you here...
when she gets back because you've been ruining
everybody's lives and eatin' all our steak.
- I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon.
- Get off my property!
It's a free country.
I can do whatever I want.
Get off my property,
or I'll call the cops on you.
Well, then do it.
Go on.
Maybe I will. Gosh!
[Line Ringing]
- [Man Speaking Spanish On TV]
- [Phone Rings]
- Hello?
- Pedro?
- How's it goin'?
- Good.
Deb just called me.
She pretty much hates me by now.
- Why?
- 'Cause my Uncle Rico's an idiot!
Do you have anything
to give to her?
No, not unless
she likes fish.
- Are you still gonna give your speech tomorrow?
- Yes.
- Do you already know what you're gonna say?
- Yes...
but not all of it.
Just tell 'em that...
their wildest dreams will come true
if they vote for you.
- [Sighs]
- I'll see you tomorrow, Pedro.
[Shouts]
Dang it!
What do you think
you're doing?
[Vehicle Approaching]
Now, if you look right here,
we have Sally Johnson from Manitou, Colorado.
Would you like to read
her testimonial right there?
Sure. Um...
"After using Bust Must Plus,
I have such big bosoms--"
I don't feel comfortable
reading this.
Oh, that's fine.
That's fine.
But do you feel
comfortable with me?
You could be...
somewhere around, uh...
here.
- [Sauce Pans Clattering]
- [Rex] Come here, boy!
- [Commotion, Crashing]
- [Rico Yelping]
[Loud Applause]
[Applause Fades]
Well, I never thought
I would make it here today.
I would be a great
class president because...
I promise to put two new pop machines
in the cafeteria, and...
I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonnebell
dispenser for all the girls' bathrooms.
Oh, we're gonna get
new cheerleading uniforms.
Anyway, I think I'd be
a great class president, so, uh...
who wants to eat
"chimini-changas" next year?
Not me. See, with me,
it will be summer all year long.
- Vote for Summer.
- [Loud Applause]
- [Applause Continues]
- [Mouthing Words]
[Applause Ends]
And now Summer will perform her skit with
members of our very own Happy Hands Club.
[Applause]
Your speech is up next.
Your skit had better be pretty good.
- A skit?
- You perform a skit after your speech, Pedro.
What?
A flippin' skit?
- Why didn't anybody tell us about this?
- ## [Pop]
## [Continues]
[No Audible Dialogue]
## [Continues]
- ## [Ends]
- [Loud Applause]
- [Applause Fading]
- I don't want to be president anyway.
Pedro, just listen
to your heart.
That's what I do.
I'll just tell them that
I have nothing to say.
[Scattered Applause]
[Applause Fades]
Hello.
I don't have much to say.
But I think it would be good to have
some holy santos brought to the high school...
to guard the hallway
and to bring us good luck.
El Santo Nio de Atocha is a good one.
My Aunt Concha has seen him.
And...
- we have a great F.F.A. schedule lined up--
- [Door Opens]
and I'd like to see
more of that.
If you vote for me,
all of your wildest dreams will come true.
Thank you.
[Scattered Applause]
[Applause Fades]
Up next, I hope you'll enjoy
a skit by Pedro Sanchez.
[Sighs]
## [Slow Electric Piano]
## [Disco, Funky]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Stops]
[Loud Cheering]
[No Audible Dialogue]
- [No Audible Dialogue]
- [Grunting]
Oh.
[Applause]
I caught you a delicious bass.
You wanna play me?
## [Synthesizer Pop]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Continues]
## [Stops]
I, uh, would like to
give you this advice.
And a fella give
me some years ago.
He said,
"When an argument arises...
"if you go outside and take,
uh, a nice walk...
"you'll calm down and then you can
come back and it won't be an argument.
"And you'll find
that helps your health.
All that fresh air and exercise
will do you a lot of good."
[Chuckles]
you'd like to ask about?
- [Grunts]
- [Coughing]
- [Braying]
- Pedro.
- Where the heck's Napoleon?
- I don't know.
Lafawnduh Lucas, do you take
Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
to be your lawful
wedded husband...
to honor in sickness and health
till death do you part?
I do.
Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
do you take Lafawnduh Lucas
to be your lawful wedded wife...
in sickness and health
till death do you part?
You know I do.
By the authority vested in me,
I pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[Braying]
[Shutter Clicks]
## [Synthesized]
[Feedback]
# Why do you love me #
# Why do you need me #
# We met in a chat room #
# Now our love
# Sure the World Wide Web
is great #
- [Feedback]
- # But you, you make me "salvivate" #
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"Napoleon Dynamite" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/napoleon_dynamite_14482>.
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