National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party

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As you go forth

on your journey, and lead us

into the next century,

I know that you're going out

into this world and will give

one hundred and ten percent.

You are the best

and you are the brightest.

We could be looking at the

future leaders of this country.

Writers, senators,

and scientists.

Humanitarians and

heads of industry.

A lot of years have

passed since that graduation.

And coming out of continuation

school, I had no clue what we

were gonna do with our lives.

But I knew for sure that none

of us were gonna become senators

or scientists.

Just ain't gonna happen.

Sparky was a wild one,

man. The beauty of Sparky

was that you never knew

where he was comin from.

Who took a dump in my mouth?

Sparky would rip

off a line of "f*** you's"

better than

anybody I ever heard.

I'm gonna castrate you

and f*** your mother in the

f***ing ass with your own

f***ing dick. F*** you!

Sh*t. Lardo? He was everything

you could've asked for in

a friend. He was funny, he was

charming, had a way with words...

Dude, sh*t happens.

Did pretty good with the chicks

and always seemed to make

light of a serious situation.

My fellow Americans, I'm

pleased to tell you today that

I've signed legislation that

will outlaw Russia forever.

We begin bombing

in five minutes.

Together, we were one.

I mean, we had it all.

At least I thought we did.

And every summer, we'd

get a visit from Iris.

Iris!

Anne wants to know when

are you coming to The Hut.

There's coffee in the kitchen.

And then there was Anne.

Johnny boy, why is the

door closed with a girl inside?

Give me five minutes, Mom.

I'm having sex!

Johnny, stop that, now! Bad boy!

What will the neighbours

think - girl in your

room and the door closed?

They'll think I'm getting laid!

Like we always said, a little

bit of booty never hurt nobody.

Growing up as a kid

on the beach was a blast.

I mean, everybody

knew everybody.

The surf was always good,

and every night was a party.

JD! What's up man?

Hey, Skinner!

What's happening, dude?

Somebody's parents were always

gone for the weekend, and if

that didn't happen, we'd take

it to the Shelburn House.

But what went down

over the next 24 hours is

something I will never forget.

So check this out.

Every kid has someone

they look up to, right?

Whether it's a baseball

player, a rock star,

or drives a race car - a hero.

Well it just so happened that

my hero, he lived right down

the street. And this guy had

the ability to make you feel

like you were walking on water.

What's up?

Hey.

Twenty, twenty-five,

forty-five,

fifty bucks. One more

payment and it's mine.

Hi!

Hello!

Morning.

Hi, hello!

Hi, hello! Sorry it's so

early, but, um, this may be

a little bit embarrassing,

but we're lost.

Would you happen to know were

1117 Shelburn Lane might be?

I do.

Oh, great.

Oh good.

That's wonderful.

Excuse me.

Yeah, okay. Oh, thanks.

Yuppies!

You know what?

Day after graduation,

summer's callin;

I'm gonna give you your board.

Just pay me when

you got the cash.

Here's your board.

This is um, you know,

it's your board. I mean,

I made it for you, so you

take care of the board and

she'll take care of you.

Now go on.

Make me proud.

Hey Mooney.

Wanna come?

No, I gotta work.

Two, q, a, n.

Five, seven, four.

Hey, JD!

How's it goin?

Hey, Del.

Surfing, huh?

Yeah, I was.

Q, a, n.

Hey, I found this seaweed

with these shells.

It's sparkling, see?

Oh yeah?

And this.

Sea glass.

Q, a, n.

I'm not really in the mood

for a nature study right now.

Q, a, n.

Five, seven, four.

Five, seven...

Oh sh*t.

F***!

Nice!

Wake up,

Venture! Whoo! Ha-ha!

Watch your

f***ing driving, a**hole!

You stupid blind f***er!

What the f***, man?

'Sup, man? What are you

gonna do, huh? C'mon!

Get the f*** back in your car

and drive back to your stupid

valley and stay outta my city!

F***ing Venture surfers!

Yeah, you say that, and then

you drive off, you p*ssy!

F***in Souther!

What's up, JD?

Que pasa, JD!

I lost my board, man!

Maybe someone took it.

Took it? No one takes

surfboards around here, Amigo!

Hey, Harry.

Hey, JD!

Where's your board?

Gone? I don't know.

Maybe someone stole it.

Stole your board?

Uh-huh.

Mother-f***er!

Mh-mm.

Beer! I don't spend

every day working my ass

off at the DMV so you

can buy beer, old man!

I didn't buy it!

JD gave me one.

What?

J, did you give him beer?

No.

Where's your board?

Rise and shine, ladies!

C'mon, get up.

Why are

you doing this to me?

You know, in some

countries, this is considered torture?

Listen up!

JD lost his board!

So?

Well, so you guys should

go help him find it!

He lost the Mooney?

Yeah, the Mooney!

That sh*t didn't happen!

It happened!

Seriously, you guys should

go help him find it!

He should help me find the bong!

Oh, God!

Where is it?

Dude, why?

I don't know.

I mean how does something

like this happen?

Dude, I have no idea.

Mooney's gonna kill me.

I mean, it's

just kinda incredible that

your board would just be gone.

I know.

Hey, what's goin on, guys?

Sparks!

Punk!

Hey, Bro!

Where's your board, man?

Dude, my board got pilfered!

Dude, don't flip out, alright?

I can't f***ing

believe this sh*t!

I'm gonna f***ing

kill all of 'em!

I mean, they just come,

and they just take our f***ing

boards like it's nothing? These

are our boards, our property.

F*** them! F*** off...

Alright, I'm here.

Where's the fire?

Thank you. Okay, um,

can you fold these please,

and then put them

outside when you're done?

Only because I need

you in my life.

Love you.

So how's things?

Oh, you know.

Same old together one day,

broken up the next.

Back together again.

On again, off again.

Sex one day, no sex the next.

It's nice to know we

have the same problems.

...their f***ing beating

heart outta their chest and

show it to 'em. Gonna...

Yeah, I...

uh Anne?

I'm not f***ing around!

Yeah?

That boy's not

good for business.

They just f***ed with Sparky,

and Sparky's gonna f*** 'em up!

That's just Sparky.

He breaks it, he buys it!

All day!

Pretend this little f***in totem

poll's their f***ing face!

Whoa.

Hey, JD, um...

Um, where's your board?

It's gone!

Hey, JD.

Hey, Iris.

How's your mom?

She's in Vegas with

her new boyfriend.

Hey, did you look up

and down the beach?

Of course.

Ah, please. Come on!

Well, wait. Maybe the

tide took it out, Dude.

How many times a

year do I go out?

A lot.

And how many times

have I lost my board?

A lot.

Yeah, and how many times

have I swum in to get it?

As many times as you lost it.

Right. And how many times was

it right there waiting for me?

Yeah.

Every time.

Exactly, Dude. Every time,

except this f***ing time.

Whoa! Did anyone hear

about Reagan bombing Russia?

What?

Reagan.

Reagan's bombing Russia.

I heard it on the

radio this morning.

Shhhh. You're that

stoned that Reagan is talking to

you personally through a radio?

No, no.

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