National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party Page #2

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I'm not that stoned.

I'm that stoned.

Dude, me too!

Let's get more stoned!

What am I gonna do, man?

F***! This is,

this is a symbol

for all that's sacred

to our way of life.

So, what? Is something

sacred to your way of life?

Wake up.

A surfboard is the most sacred

thing to our way of life.

It's, it's um

it's your girlfriend,

your car and

your dick - all in one.

Guys, he's like a Mexican Jesus.

So, uh, Jesus, what do we do?

We do what we do whenever

we don't know what to do.

Party at the Shelburn

House again, Anne? C'mon -

gotta meet some new people;

withering away over here.

Oh God, Iris, please! Shut up!

Have some fun! Lighten up!

I want to have fun.

I really do.

Okay, then have fun.

Uh. Okay,

who's gonna be there?

Well, who do you think?

Um, JD, Lardo, The yard guys,

Mike Moke, um, James, Bernard-

What?

What is your problem?

I just, well, look.

I wanna meet some guys who are

into the same things I'm into.

Um, Iris, boyfriends aren't

into poetry, painting and art.

Just have some fun,

for me, please, please?

Yeah, for you.

It's easy for you to say.

You've got sunshine

boy out there.

Okay, that's not that easy.

Know what? First chance I get,

I'm getting outta here.

I'm going to New York and

I'm gonna be an artist.

You know, I don't care about

being rich or famous, dude.

I just wanna work,

and keep my edge.

Your edge.

Yeah. My edge. And

when I do get a boyfriend,

he'll be into poetry,

painting and art. You watch.

Um, news flash, Iris. Hmm.

Boyfriends who are into

all that already have

boyfriends of their own.

Crap.

I got an idea!

Oh really? What?

Let's flash Sparky.

Okay.

You ready?

Yeah.

One, two, three!

What the hell is wrong with you?

Alright, JD. Tell me the

story in excruciating detail.

Alright, so...

I was out on my board

and then like all of a sudden

out of nowhere this like

perfect wave just comes at me.

So I paddle into it, right? And

I get up, and I lay down like

this sweet bottom turn and then

like, I was right there, yeah.

I'm right there, and the wave

just starts throwing its lip

over me, just like throwing

it over me like that.

It was like the most

beautiful feeling of my life.

And what happened

after that, man?

Uhh...

C'mon, man. You had

to see something, bro.

Yeah, uh, I'm

looking around, and...

and I see Del!

Yeah, man! The first person

I saw on the beach was Del!

Del!

Hey Del!

Oh. Hey, Guys.

What's up?

Hey.

Hey, hey.

Everything okay?

Yeah. Del, uh, listen.

Do you remember seeing

me this morning?

Sure. It was about 08:57,

close to nine. I tell time by

the sun and I usually get it

right within a minute or two.

Alright, well, look, my

surfboard got stolen.

Did you see anything?

Yeah. Did you

see anything?

What do you mean - the Souther?

He was driven' a Datsun 2802.

It was orange.

Do you remember anything else?

Dudes, you can't get the

right answers in life unless

you ask the right questions.

Whoa.

2QAN574.

So, what

is the right question?

I don't know.

Really, JD, if I could find

the guy who did this to you,

I would kill him.

No. You know what?

I wouldn't just kill him,

I'd beat his ass first,

and then I would kill him.

No. You know what? I'd

kick his ass and kill him,

but first, I'd steal his board

so he knew what it felt like.

Shut up, stupid.

Why would he steal JD's

board if he already had one?

What?

If he had a board

to steal, I mean.

I'd steal that one.

Wait. What?

Which one would you steal?

I'd steal 'em both, Dude.

Yeah.

I'm a badass.

Okay, so how are we

gonna find this guy?

Oh, she said something

about that Souther

in the Datsun, yeah?

Yeah, right.

The orange 2802, huh?

Yeah.

You stupid blind f***er!

Ahhh!

Oh f***.

Here we go again.

What!

What, Sparky?

What, Sparky?

What? I saw a guy

driving an orange 2802,

but I didn't think that

anyone would f***in steal

a board so I didn't even

get a good look at him!

Dude! Relax!

What? F*** you;

I'm not gonna relax!

What? You're just

remembering this now?

I'm gonna f***in kill this guy!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Who, the Souther?

Yeah, man. He was driving

around in this sleazy f***in

pick-up-some-p*ssy-valley-boy

car with the

board hanging out the back,

dude. Green and yellow, right?

Yeah?

Yeah? Well how do you

know he was a Souther?

Dude, he had a f***in

typical Ken doll haircut.

Total valley

boy faggy-ass sh*t, and-

the f***er had

pants. Like, slacks.

Pants?

Pants?

Uh-oh.

Hey guys, uh, look who it is.

It's red bikini girl.

Red bikini girl.

Coming straight for you.

Check it out.

What I wouldn't do to

nib on one of those nibs.

Dude,

what I wouldn't do to

suck on both of those nipples.

A little bit

of booty never hurt nobody!

Your mom home, Sparky?

Maybe we should

go in and say hi.

Yeah, I don't know.

She okay?

Yeah.

Sh*t.

What?

I'm supposed to

meet this kid today-

I'm selling him my skateboard.

You're selling your skateboard?

Yeah, they're gonna

shut off our electric if

we don't pay the bill.

Seriously, bro?

How much?

Sixteen dollars.

Don't sweat it, Dude.

Uh, we have to figure out

this, uh, what is it 2QAN...

Later.

Later?

Yeah, later.

First we're gonna

get sixteen bucks.

You ready?

Check this dude out.

Mr. C, how ya doing?

Hey!

So, uh, anyway, Mr. Candidas...

Candianadas.

Uh, okay, so I see this

bitchin' wave coming in,

right? I see this...

I've already heard

this stupid story from

your step-father, the drunk.

Oh yeah? He was in here

already?

Oh that's great, typical.

Hey!

Hey, so uh yeah, I was trying

to tell ya a story, alright?

So listen. So I drop in on this

wave, and I'm like totally

stoked and then it was like,

I'm doin a cut-back and I lay

it down with my hand and

I'm like skimming it with my

hand, and the lip

starts folding over.

It's like coming over me like

this, so I'm like, "Whoa!

"And then I'm like "whoa" and

this giant liquid cavern of

liquid water from

another planet.

Dude, I've been

looking for these all day!

Look what I found.

Alright!

Yeah, we'll have these.

Beef.

Uh, got any dough?

Uh, no.

Do you?

Yeah, um.

We're gonna have to come

back for those later.

Yeah, later.

Okay. Catch ya!

Let's get outta here!

Feels kinda good, huh?

What?

Helping out Sparky's mom.

She's a nice lady.

Can you keep a secret?

Dude. Yeah.

What- what's up?

Alice is not really his mom.

What?

Yeah. She's his grandma.

He just calls her that.

Where's his mom?

She bailed, man.

Whoa.

There ya go, son

sixteen dollars.

There you go; thank you sir.

This is a nice couch.

Got it at Sears.

Now if the wife asks, I

didn't give you any money.

Sure; okay.

Harry, Peggy works

at the DMV, right?

Um-hmmm.

What?

Alright.

Bye, Marge.

Okay.

We got 2QUAN574, 1979

Datsun, registered to a

seventeen-year-old

kid name Brian Kramer,

212 South Valley

Road, Valley Village.

Here ya go!

Brian Kramer.

You don't know how much

we appreciate this.

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