National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party Page #3

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Well, do me a favour.

Don't kill him.

Oh, and next time you

sell Harry some stolen beer,

get something better

than this sh*t, please.

F***in Southers!

Oooh, stand by with the beer!

If you barf,

I am not cleaning that up.

That what dogs are for, tardo.

Hey boys.

Red bikini girl.

Little bit of booty

never hurt nobody!

Do you think

she's had a boob job?

Hey mom?

Yeah, honey.

Can we like have a bottle

of something, please?

Oh go ahead.

Take the half-bottle

of vodka from the bar.

But no drinking and driving.

Okay. Thanks, Mom.

You rock. Hard.

Yeah well, I used to.

Anne!

Yeah!

I found it!

You found your board?

Great!

Hi, JD.

Oh, hey, Brenda.

What's this about your board?

Oh yeah, we know where it is;

I've just gotta go get it.

Hey, can we go back to my house?

I need to change.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Need a hand, JD?

Anne, your mom's like totally

hitting on me, again.

Mom, c'mon!

We talked about this!

Okay, we're going, Jeez!

Wow.

Bye! I love you!

I love you, too!

Have fun!

How come

you're never like that.

Oh, there you are Johnny-boy.

I heard what happened.

Oh, honey.

Mom!

The milkman told me.

Oh, Johnny.

C'mon, Mom.

Oh, don't worry. We'll get it

back for you, my poor baby.

We're onto it, Ma, really.

Oh, Johnny.

I give you some stew

to take with you.

La Lumbie.

C'mon, sweetheart, huh?

Did you miss me?

I need ya now.

I do.

Come on now.

Come on.

Here you go, honey.

Jesus, Mom; I'm communing

with my automobile, here.

Oh Johnny, please.

Just try it. Just try it!

Alright, alright.

Uh-huh.

Yes, good.

Uh, now can I go?

Oh, yeah.

Here, Anne.

Hold this. I've gotta focus.

Okay, baby.

C'mon. C'mon.

Come to Papa.

That's it.

Come one, come on baby, come on.

Whoo!

Atta girl!

Good luck, Johnny!

So get this. I totally

saw this guy today, man.

He's drivin' down the road,

in this bright-ass orange,

look at me, 2802; the typical

Souther. I mean, it seemed

like his hair was personally

styled by Vidal Sassoon.

And uh, he was wearing pants.

What?

Pants.

Pants!

C'mon, I gotta pee!

Everybody! We got a

situation here, so listen up!

These f***ing Southers.

They come to our beautiful

beach, and they desecrate

it, and I'm sick of it!

It's over, and they're

going to pay, now!

Yeah!

So f***ing frightening.

Totally.

It turns me on.

What?

Whatever.

God, you're so weird.

Alright now, here's the

deal. An elite team of us,

a band of brothers are gonna go

tonight, in La Lumbie and we're

gonna find this guy and we're

gonna bring my board back!

We're going.

No. Anne, no.

I'm not going.

Yes. Shut up, Iris.

We're going. Shut up!

Oh sh*t.

My fellow Venturians,

the time has come.

Lardo!

F*** it.

Mooney's?

What are we doing here?

There's somethin' I need to do.

So Mike, I know I shoulda been

more careful. I'm gonna get

the board back and I'm gonna

get you that last payment, too.

We got an address; we know

where this guy is, so you know,

don't worry.

It'll be easy.

These kids.

They're gonna run

off to the valley,

and probably get

into a bunch of trouble.

Let's go get us a surfboard.

Mooney's comin with us?

Now we can take on the

whole f***in Valley,

dude. Let's do this.

Why do you call your

car La Lumbie, anyway?

Well, it used to be La Bamba,

but the L's; they took over.

First it was Bomber,

then La Bamba.

Now it's La Lumbie.

Yeah. Because le

Ian lalk lin lels.

L, Pm S

W?

Le Ian lalk lin lels.

You can talk in L's?

Wow. I really gotta

get away from here.

We're going to war,

and we need war music.

We need a f***in battle hymn.

Check the tapes!

To the tapes!

To the tapes.

To the tapes.

Germ.

Uh, Ramones.

Bob Marley.

I got the Thompson Twins.

No.

No Thompson Twins.

Pick a tape.

Tape?

Fear.

Hell, yeah.

Right on.

Now that is road-trip music.

Mooney rocks.

Now, eh - turn it up.

The valley of the shadow of

death in all its wretched glory.

Millions of Southers,

wearing pants.

I hate pants.

I hate pants, too!

One of 'em named Brian Kramer.

Yeah. Somewhere

down in that cesspool of

humanity is JD's surfboard.

Watch for Van Nuys

and turn right.

I'm from here, remember?

We need gas.

Hey sparky!

What's up?

I challenge you to a sponge-war.

Alright, you bastard,

show me what you got!

God, I can't wait to get

outta here next month.

I know. Parson's

gonna be so cool.

You'll be in New York,

and meanwhile I'll be

at UC Santa Cruz.

Oh, but you'll like it, Annie.

You'll love it.

You'll meet some guy - an

intellectual who surfs, and fall

in love, get married, have

babies, grow old, fade out.

You make it sound so boring.

Are you kidding?

I wish I could do that.

I'm, I'm too psychotic.

You got nothin'. Huh?

Ah, but you'll be in New York.

Your life is gonna

be so awesome.

I mean, I hope so. You know

I just can't wait to visit

all the places I've read about.

You know, like CGBGs.

Who's playing there now?

Oh, Max's Kansas City where

Louie and the Velvet Underground

played with Niko; Grace Church,

where Allen Ginsberg and Jim

Carrol read their poetry.

Someday I just really

hope I meet Lori Anderson.

Um, who's that?

You know; she has that

song, "Oh Superman. "

I don't know it.

Yeah!

Whoa, whoa.

Hey, whoa.

Whoa, what?

Yes, yes it is.

Oh, gasoline!

Why are they doing that?

Uh, they lost a

bet to Lardo's cousin,

so now every time they

hear that song, this ensues.

That's the dumbest f***in

thing I've ever seen.

Hey, Mike.

Whoo!

You alright?

Yeah.

There it is.

This is the part where

they cut to outside the car

and we see like this jerky

point of view thing.

And there's this guy

dragging this foot.

He's creeping up on the

car, and we don't know it,

but he's got a steel

hook for a hand. Wheeee!

Shut up!

Just save it.

Alright, seriously.

What's the plan here?

Torch the place!

Sparky! Down.

What if we sneak around the

house and look in the windows?

You're such a perv.

That ain't a perv thing.

This is James Bond sh*t, here.

No, no, no. We get a brick,

cover it in a towel, douse it

in gasoline, set in on fire,

and chuck it through the window.

That's a bit extreme, Sparky.

One more.

One more what, Mike?

One more beer.

Yeah.

Alright. So assuming our

information's correct, my

surfboard's in that house, in

his car, or he hid it someplace.

Oh my God. Just do something -

anything. How 'bout that?

Knock on the door.

Totally.

Uh, hi sir.

My name's JD.

These are my friends,

and well it seems...

We're here cause

there's a problem with...

Do you have a son?

You see, my board

was stolen today, and well,

we think that maybe Brian,

that's his name, right?

That Brian kinda, well, that

he was the one who stole it.

And we got a license

plate from an eyewitness and

we're pretty sure that he's

the one who stole my board,

but maybe we got it wrong.

It's okay.

Hello.

Dude, you got it!

Yeah, it was right

there in his room.

That was like, too easy, man. We

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