National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party Page #4

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should just get outta here, bro.

No. We're

not goin' anywhere yet.

There's one thing

I hate worse than a liar.

And that's a thief.

I need to apologize.

My son's done a bad thing here,

and I can understand

you all being upset.

What's your name?

Mike Mooney.

Well, Mike Mooney,

I suppose you've got an

idea of how you'd

like to handle this?

I think we'd like to

handle it ourselves.

My son stole a surfboard.

He didn't kill anyone.

That's understood.

Alright.

What's up with you?

Nothing.

C'mon, Iris. I know you better

than that. What's goin' on?

What?

Don't "what" me.

What's goin' on?

There's nothing goin' on, Anne.

Iris, speak to me.

I know the guy,

okay? I know him.

You what?

You got it back.

Right on!

That's awesome!

Nah, that was too easy.

Yeah. Now what

the f*** do we do?

Why don't we just,

ya know, go home?

What? What? No, no,

no, no, no. F*** that, JD.

We came all the way

out to this Valley; we gotta

do something to

this f***ing guy - c'mon!

C'mon, JD.

You got your surfboard back.

There's still time to go

back to the Shelburn House.

I mean, imagine the look

on everyone's faces when

you come back with the board.

No! Shhh No!

Getting the board back's

only half the journey.

Totally.

You know what you

gotta do, right?

I mean, you gotta find this guy.

And scare the living

sh*t out of him!

Okay great.

Uhm, so what do we do now?

I don't know.

I'll know it when I see him.

That's it? We're just gonna

wait here 'til he comes back?

You don't get it, do ya?

I can't walk away from this.

I gotta, I gotta either wait

here 'til he comes, or I gotta

go find the guy. That's it.

That could take forever.

I mean do you know how

f***ing huge this city is?

He's at Buffalo Records

in Tarzana. He works there.

At least that's-

that's where he

worked when we were dating.

You dated this guy?

Iris, he wears pants.

Idiot, you have pants on.

That's completely different.

He gave me records, okay? It

lasted for like ten minutes

and then I dumped him

and he got all freaky.

I didn't know he would do

something like this, JD.

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm, I'm really sorry.

Studies have shown

that acts of revenge actually

trigger a response in the

brain's pleasure zones.

Like when you

eat or you have sex.

Really?

Yeah.

And where did you get this

little tidbit of information?

Uhhh...

Oh! Maybe it was in

the American Journal of

I-don't-know-what-the-

f***-I'm-talking-about.

Ooohh!

Ha ha ha.

So. How shall we do this?

Just take it

nice and smooth.

Alright.

I can be smooth.

Okay, I'll be

with you in one second.

That's it!

That's it right there!

That is him!

That is him! Go, go, go!

Hey guys, be careful!

You're gonna f***in die!

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna f***

you up, bro. F*** you!

C'mon Sparky, put the

f***ing rock down!

Bros, guess who's

calling the cops!

Kill you!

I'm gonna f***in...

C'mon, let's go. so. so!

Cock sucker!

F*** you!

Sorry, guys-

It's amazing what someone will

do to get the latest hit.

It looks like the only hit

they wanted was on you, Brian.

How did we do?

Huh. Not so smooth.

What do we do now?

Beer!

Pierpont vodka, huh?

Yup.

That's imported, right?

Sure.

I hear them crazy Ruskies make

this sh*t out of potatoes.

Yep. Gonna need

to see some ID.

Just kidding!

Oh, yeah.

Thanks a lot.

There ya go.

Can you change four bucks?

Need some help?

I got it.

Have a good day.

Happy New Year, Chief.

C'mon, baby.

How's it goin'?

Hey. Kenny, so uh, yeah.

I see this bitchin' wave comin

in, and it's like pitching over.

I'm like scratching for the

outside, like goin' like this,

and it's like pitching and then

it slams me on the ground, man.

And I'm like, whoa getting

worked, dude, and then...

Do you surf?

No.

Hey man, I do this thing with

my hair; it's killer, bro.

Ready?

So you're from Venture, then.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I can tell.

These are sixty-nine

cents, here?

Yep.

In Venture, they're

forty-nine cents.

Hmm. Then why don't you

go buy one in Venture?

What kind of

lifestyle do you live?

That's insulting.

Have a beer with Fear, boys.

Yeah.

You guys aren't

gonna believe this.

Mooney went with the

guys to find JD's board.

Wasn't he in 'Nam?

No. We saw Apocalypse

Now like nine times.

Hey, everybody listen up!

Those guys make it back

with the board, we're

letting 'em on the deck!

Bitchin'.

Whoo-hoo!

Fake set!

I don't get it.

This guy dated you

and you dumped him.

Why'd he steal my board?

I didn't do nuthin' to him.

I have no idea, JD.

I told you; he's just a freak.

So.

This is the most exciting

stake-out I've ever been on.

It's like a surf

contest with no swell.

Everyone's just sitting there

waiting for something to happen.

Not the West

Coast invitational's.

You goin' to that, Mike?

No, I'm out.

What? Why? You killed

it last month at Pismo.

Killed it! Dude,

I finished thirty-fourth.

Comes a time to move on.

I surf for the fun of it and

shape for the love of it.

So.

I was just thinking.

You know in a couple months

summer's gonna be over.

So what?

That always happens.

So, we're all outta

high school, now.

And some of us are gonna

go to college, get jobs,

and start

doing adult stuff.

Yeah, and sh*t that we hate.

Well look, all I'm

saying is, you know;

things are gonna

be different, now.

Man! I hate this sh*t.

Start talking about the future;

getting all high and serious.

Sh*t.

I don't know what I'm

gonna do in an hour!

Yeah, and that's really f***ed.

What are you saying,

Anne? A lot of people,

they stay in Ventura -

keep partying, surfing.

People like who? Harry, who,

ya know, gets kids to steal

beer for him? I mean, great

f***ing role models, JD.

Well you think we should

buy into this sh*t?

That we should start

working and wearing pants?

Is that it? Huh?

Buying insurance?

Get a vacuum cleaner and sh*t?

Yeah?

You really think that this

is all there is to life?

Maybe.

If I thought that, I would

so f***ing kill myself.

You don't

have to, you know.

You don't have to

buy a vacuum cleaner.

What choice do you have, Mooney?

We need more beer.

I'll go,

Me too.

Are you okay?

Will you help me, Lardo?

Yeah.

Those guys were acting

like such guys, tonight.

Yeah.

This pet's having

like no effect.

Um, you just gotta give it

some time to kick in, ya know?

Careful, dude.

Just thinking about Iris.

Ann's goin'to college.

Probably meet some guy.

Iris is moving to New York.

How do you guys

do that, anyways?

Do what?

Do chicks and all, man?

Easy. You just put your

hand here, inside their leg,

and then you

just slide it up.

Slide it up.

It works every time, man.

Feels pretty good.

Not your own leg, man.

The chick's.

Well, iris's apple wine

works pretty good, too.

It's just like drivin' a car.

What would you do if

you were gonna go on a

long road trip with Lumbie?

Get in, start her

up, and take off!

God, no.

Listen.

Ya gotta... ya gotta

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