National Theatre Live: The Comedy of Errors

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When we're out in the moonlight

lookin' up on skies above

feels so good

when I'm near you

holding hands

and making love

whoo, whoo, baby

yes, oh, baby

yes, oh, baby

yes, oh, baby

Sandy beecher

was making love

as it travels in our lives

feels so good

walkin' side by side

want to be with you

all my life

whoa, oh, baby

yes, oh, baby

yes, oh, baby

Whoo!

No bedsores?

Clear.

No pulse?

Clear.

Why do you keep having

to push them buttons?

Sometimes things

need to be reset.

Did you ever have to

reset a prolapsed anus?

Do you even... Do you

know what that is?

Have you ever... Have

you ever had to deal

with a prolapsed an... anus?

Chief?

Did they teach you

that in nurse school?

You and the ladies

get that lesson?

I'll tell you what. I'll give

you a little lesson on it.

A prolapsed anus is when the

anus, which is a muscle, gives

out, after years of abuse.

Comes out of the rear and hangs

like a, like a slack bag of tissue.

Like a purse that you might have...

A nurse would have.

Can you imagine what it would

take to make your anus do that?

A lot of butt f***ing.

The old man's probably got

a prolapsed amus... anus.

Anus and Andy.

Nothing?

Famous anus cookies.

Anything there?

So you change my dad?

You put diapers on him and

clean his a**hole, and take...

Put his sh*t in a bag, throw it

out, put it down the toilet?

Pretty cool.

Pretty cool way to live.

I wonder if my dad's sh*t

has ever gotten under your

fingernails, and then you

forgot, and you are driving

home, worrying about... worrying

about your life, and you start

biting your fingernails, and

his sh*t gets in your mouth.

You got to be careful.

Make sure you wash them hands.

Okay.

Adios.

Yeah.

What's up?

I know, but we can bring

something else in, right?

Do we need something with

evergreens that's gonna last...

I just want you to look

at this bush here because

it's looking really...

It's pretty bad.

Yeah, I don't know if

there's a bug on it.

Look at the leaves on there.

And it's all been chewed,

and it's unbalanced.

It doesn't fit.

Yeah, and it's blocking

this thing here.

Most of when you get the flies, they...

the cuts are much more round.

That could be the larvae

going through it.

But I remember a grapevine...

It's comin' along, huh?

Yeah, yeah, looks great.

Getting there.

Good job.

Hey, what are these?

These are looking very weedy.

Those are out of here, right?

I love the black-eyed Susan.

Nadar LA piscina, I guess.

Nadar LA piscina.

Yeah, yeah, sure. It's my guys

here don't speak any English.

They keep saying, "nadar LA

piscina, nadar LA piscina!

Swim in your pool."

So they're always going

to me "nadar LA piscina?"

That's great. "Can we

swim in their pool?"

I go, "well, you know,

it's private property.

Yeah, it's gotten hot

out here for sure.

This is looking a little

troubled over here.

This one's shading it so badly.

Let's get more light under it.

What do you say if me and my

guys took a quick little dip?

What do you think?

They want to swim.

Why not?

I suppose.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Sure.

Once they've finished here.

They're gonna mow before

they go, as well, right?

We can get you some towels. The

housekeeper will get you some towels.

No, that's fine.

Yeah.

I had a great day.

I went to the shopping mall.

I feel so good about hanging out

with my best friends today.

Who are your best friends?

All my loved ones

are in this room.

I want to thank everybody for

being so kind and considerate.

How about a round of applause

just for the five of us?

I respect my friends that come to

my house that has an artistic vibe.

Obviously, the host of

this house cares about

art and the visual space

and the energy within, and

he respects all his friends that

he invites over here equally.

I love when I go to my

friend's house and their

bathroom's really, really clean.

There's not pubic hair on

the rim of the toilet seat.

I'm with you on that.

Yeah.

Oh, and speaking of bathrooms,

I wanted to confess something.

I used... you have a box of always feminine

wipes in there, and I used a couple.

Just... my clitoris

was really messy.

So I had to wash up.

You have these terrific comedic

instincts, and then you

immediately sabotage them

with the worst follow-up.

The worst?

A terrible sense of humor.

So you know all comedians

ever, so you are qualified to

say what is the absolute worst.

You've heard all comedians ever.

No, it's in my opinion.

Well, then you can't use an

absolute term like "the worst."

I can do whatever I want.

Then give me a French kiss.

Well, fine, who disagrees?

Does he have a terrible

sense of humor?

Does he?

Absolutely.

The cool thing about a group of

friends is that you got

the smart one, the

cool one, the musical

one, and the funny guy.

And that just makes it, like,

a well-rounded cool group,

you know, to hang out

with at my house.

We're like the... The avengers.

God, you were supposed

to say something funny.

That was your cue to,

like, boom, good joke.

I want to take this moment to

just acknowledge how strong

of a bond and what a great sense

of community I feel

amongst everybody here.

I mean, I really appreciate all

the support, and I appreciate,

you know, the friendship

honestly, so God bless ya.

Let me say it, I never... I

never had a family, okay?

Because my parents, as you guys

know, died really early on.

I was raised in foster homes.

This is my family.

Here's to my family.

You are so special.

You are so special to us.

You are so important to my life.

I need you.

I don't say that to... I

don't say that to anybody.

I mean, I would say it.

I'd say it to all four of you.

Three syllables, I need you.

Hey, let's put 'em up here.

I'm not f***ing toasting him.

To the four of us here.

Thank you, cheers. Bottoms up.

Bottoms up, everybody.

If you believe in me

how I try

she goes back and forth

with you

up and down

up and

get some feeling now

Anyway, I was thinking, like,

how in terms of socialism,

well, 'cause, you know, there's

this whole thing with like,

a socialist state, you

know, situation."

And honestly people don't

really even understand that

there's many versions of that.

Well... I-I think

there's a third way.

Is this the middle finger

that's about to emerge?

Well, I think people gave

up too early on feudalism.

Oh.

Yeah.

You know, you know, there's

this theory that there's, like,

a large percentage of the population

of human beings on the planet

that don't have, like,

conscious thought.

Oh, you mean like a unique...

unique thought.

Like, yeah, they're just drones.

They just go to the river, you

know, you look... like Bangladesh

or something, and they just,

like, go to the river and have

their week's worth of laundry

on their head... or a basket...

And they just f***ing wash their

sh*t, and that's all they think.

It's like, "well, today I'm

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