National Theatre Live: The Comedy of Errors Page #2

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gonna wash my laundry,

you know, like, why am

I here or anything."

But, I mean, the unfortunate

thing is, like, that our...

Our politics and our garbage

affects those people,

but they're not actively... So

you're saying you wish that

everybody was on that level.

No, I think that

there's some people

that deserve to be... To have their life...

Their life is better

because they deserve it.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I see.

I mean, because they're...

They're picked by God.

Ordained, sovereigned.

Yeah, yeah, the idea...

they are genetically chosen

to be on top of the

f***in' food chain. Wow!

I'm sorry.

You're blowing my mind.

Because it's very unpopular.

Yeah, I think it's... yeah,

it's generally considered...

And it's not racism either.

That's the trick.

Oh, it's just...

It's just human.

You're just, like, doing...

There's black guys that deserve to

have it just as much as white guys.

This is like evolutionary imperative

is what you're talking about.

Kind of.

I didn't take that

class in college.

Neither did I.

Neither did I.

So I probably don't know what

I'm f***ing saying anyway.

You know, I mean... You

know, Hitler had...

You didn't just

say, "Hitler had."

Hitler had... What?

Ideas.

Uh-huh.

I'm not a... you know, a Nazi

or anything, but I think

that he gets... he deserves

a little bit of credit.

Um, yeah.

You know, for... not for...

For killing any,

you know, forget... take him...

Take genocide out of the...

Murder out of the equation... Sure.

He was kind of like a, uh...

Like a... Like a male

cheerleader for his own people.

I will say he was an

incredible public speaker.

Very, very good.

He also had horrible

indigestion.

This is true.

He had... he had, like, gas.

He had gas problems.

Is that why his belt

was always so high up?

Well, if you watch... If

you watch his speeches,

he would do his... And then at the

end, people would be applauding,

and he would go... No, that's just...

It's true.

Check it out.

Look on YouTube.

Wake up.

Wake up.

If it comes to damage to an

apartment caused by sh*t

or piss or vomit or

blood, it's usually one

of our well-to-do tenants.

The low-income poverty level guys...

they'll spray taco grease

all over the wall...

On the ceiling.

Maybe some bacon

grease in the drains.

You know, you got

to get that out.

But for the most part, even though they...

They're idiots.

They keep it a little

tidier, you know?

Don't have that sense of

entitlement about shitting

all over our property.

Yup.

I'd like to just keep a

couple of the tenants,

throw out all the others.

Let the hobos take over.

Turn it into a hobo jungle.

I don't have to be on the

f***ing phone with McClaren

about all this sh*t three

times, four times a day.

Don't have to waste your

time filling you in.

You let these hobos take over,

they're, again, tidy

people, tidy people.

Hobos are tidy people?

They're the cleanest...

Cleanest people you'd ever meet

because... I mean, their asses are

dirty, but their c*cks are clean

as a baby's breath.

Yeah.

Hobo d*cks are cleaner than... I

was reading this the other day.

Hobo d*cks are cleaner

than hospital scalpels.

I mean, they're like...

They've done, you know...

They've taken hobo d*cks under

microscopes and have been

unable to detect any

bacteria of any kind.

It's like 99.9% pure cock.

Everybody know... Because

their c*cks are sucked

so repeatedly, it's like going...

It's like taking your

car to a car wash.

If you're a hobo, you go

down to the f***ing wall

street and wait around

until about 5:
01 P.M.

These stockbrokers come

out all looking for

hobo dick to suck, you

know what I mean?

D*cks are already hard.

And they Polish the... They

Polish the f***ing c*cks so

They get their d*cks hard in the

elevator coming down knowing

that those hobos are out there

with their mouths wide open.

Wide open.

Those f***ing hobos have to get

injections of semen into their

f***ing scrotum so that they can

ejaculate enough to fill the

need of these stock-broke

fucks who just love

dirty, homeless semen,

and that's documented.

That's in newsweek.

You look that up.

Life is lies

one more day on the road

God settin' sail

full sail

callin' the hill

before I sail

the city in love

the bay of sky

well, it's a place

shadow go

shadow go

These are all hand cut.

Cool.

We got a bunch of them in, so

if you want to check up front.

Thank you.

Oh.

Get under it.

You get under it.

Yeah!

Two up, two out.

One, two, three.

He was gonna b.P., but he

hasn't done sh*t since.

I've seen what he's got up...

Right.

Nah.

What?

No, does it sound like

I'm on my f***ing boat?

No, I'm in dad's pool room.

Yeah.

All right, well, you know,

come up if you want.

Well, I'll be here.

Whoa

Oh, Liza, Liza.

Them slaves be workin'

hard out here.

Dying out there in the

thousands in the sun,

just keeling over from the heat.

From the heat!

Come on now.

Ain't it good... Ain't it

right to see them die?

How hard they work

for this family.

Papa use them skin for

making nice furniture.

He tans them out

there, makes a nice...

That couch you were on in

there is all slave meat,

slave skin, as it should be.

God bless 'em.

Slave penis and vagina.

Come on, that's funny.

I know you think that's funny.

Your sense of humor ain't died.

It's a good crop of slaves

we have this year, isn't it?

Real nice, nice bunch.

I got to know 'em personally.

Some of them I know

by their first name.

Old man be dead

by now, I expect.

Ain't breathin' too good.

I expect he won't shine too...

Too kindly on our family.

He got one son out

there on a boat.

He got another boy up

there in the looney bin,

married to some whore who rubs...

Who rubs... rubs sh...

Sh*t on her vagina.

Some 'ho got... you the kind of

whore that... You the kind

of whore that swallows cum.

You are my only cum-swallowing

sister-in-law, and I appreciate it.

Cum swallower.

That's the proudest thing

to be in this family.

So how... So how long, uh...

How long you think they're

going to keep him up in there?

So are they weaning him off the

stuff, or how's that work?

What's the process?

Are you really asking that?

I'm curious. He's my bro.

I care about my bro.

Want to make sure

he's doing good.

You get to go up there for

any kind of conjugal visits?

You get to go... You

get to, you know...

F*** him?

Suck him?

Do they have to keep him in

some kind of straitjacket

and, like, let you jerk him off?

I mean, what's going

on with that?

Uh, can I get a pabst?

Give me a glass or what?

Oh, Jesus.

Hey, you guys hiring here?

Looking for anybody to

help out around the bar?

I'm looking for work.

No.

No.

I could, you know, get some

different kind of people in here.

You know what I mean?

A little diversity?

Is that right?

Yeah.

I could get my buddies to come

in and spend a lot of money.

Got to think about a whole...

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